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You vs. You – What’s holding you back

Over the course of our lives, we become masters in talking ourselves out of things. Things we dream of, desire, things we wish we could experience and various opportunities we wish we could explore. They begin as innocent ideas in our minds that we simply let pass by with no real meaningful reason as to why.

More often than not, there is nothing standing between you and the things you want to try and/or do but your own self doubts and fears. It’s all in your mind.

As simple as it sounds, and as cliche as it is, it’s true. The mind can be your greatest friend or your worst enemy. It’s up to you to train it and teach it how to treat you.

To keep yourself in check is an important character trait we need to master in order to maintain our focus on the significant things in our lives. Weighing the pros and cons of specific decisions is a skill every one of us needs to learn if we want to achieve our goals. This is a disciplined skill that comes with work and work ethic. But at times, these practical skills in reasoning and weighing out consequences in the logical sense can be the exact thing that is holding you back from actually doing.

THERE IS SUCH A THING AS OVERTHINKING. AND THINKING YOURSELF OUT OF THINGS CAN HINDER YOU MORE THAN HELP YOU WHEN IT COMES TO EXPERIENCING LIFE.

Think about it. Have you ever talked yourself out of doing something you really wanted to do? Maybe a project you would have loved to pursue, a hobby you were interested in?
Something you’ve always wanted to try?

But then you thought about it and your mind decided you were just too old, not experienced enough, it was too late to start now, you didn’t have the resources, it wasn’t realistic enough, and many other reasons that seemed quite logical and rational and completely deadening to any part of your curious spirit.

But what if, maybe, you’d given up before you even gave yourself the chance to explore the possibility that none of those things in your mind were true?

What’s holding you back from living your life to your true potential is exactly these things.

The often unconscious fear of not being good enough. The fear of failing. The fear of not being able to meet the standards you’ve set for yourself.

How many opportunities have you missed because you’ve adhered to these fears? How much regret have you accrued because of this? How are these fears continuing to restrict and restrain you in your everyday life?

By giving into these fears, you are effectively disconnecting from your personal power – the one thing that can and will drive you forward in life. The inner flame that will propel you forward and toward the things you really want. By dismissing this, you’re cutting yourself off from the opportunity to grow through new and untapped experiences. You’re denying yourself the possibility to explore your passions, your curiosities that can contribute to your evolution as a person as well as inadvertently impact the life of your loved ones through your personal growth.

WHEN YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE FREE AND CONNECT TO YOUR PASSION, YOUR PERSONAL POWER, YOU INSPIRE THE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE TO DO THE SAME.

With an unchecked mind, we all have the tendency to give up or not even try, out of fear of not being good enough. It can stem from a number of things – insecurity, self-doubt, past failures, trauma, a deep emotional wound. Ultimately and at its root, it’s a disconnect from your own personal power.

If you catch yourself in the process of talking yourself out of things you actually really want to pursue – stop for a moment and ask yourself, why you might be doing this. Check your awareness of what you’re doing and why. Differentiate if the reasons “why you can’t” do it are actually valid or if they are just an excuse for you to not face a situation that may be uncomfortable or awkward. Typically, this brief discomfort lasts only for a few minutes at most, if any.

And in most cases, it just might be worth the discomfort to give it a try. You may just discover some things about yourself you did not know before. Through the process, you might just surprise yourself and actually enjoy the experience, even if it’s nothing like you had imagined. The unpredictability of trying and learning new things is where the magic is. It’s where you learn and grow.

At the end of the day, we do not regret the majority of the things we’ve done, but the things we have not done or did not try.

By overcoming your fears and tapping into your personal power you’ll empower the people around you to do the same. Share this experience with your family and loved ones and you’ll be astonished at how fast your life can change for the better.

If you want to know more about this topic, check out my program Self-Empowerment through Purpose or contact me directly via email at [email protected].

Respectfully,

Orlando Owen

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Conformity and the Facade of Fitting In

Humans by nature are social creatures. There is an innate psychological need for us to belong in some sense or another.

In varying degrees, a large part of life is about finding our place, our community, our tribe, our “home” essentially. Where we fit in.

For some, this can be a lifetime struggle as they move from phase to phase trying to find their place in society but continually falling short and in turn, feeling painstakingly alone, outcast from the outside world.

To avoid these feelings of being an outsider, whether it’s from a series of rejections, from insecurity, or a combination of these things among other social challenges, this can result in a far worse characteristic than simply not fitting in, which is – becoming a complete conformist.

Anyone who conforms their way through life for the sake of “fitting in” is living a facade. And everyone knows it.

Whether people choose to confront the conformist or even say anything to them about their overarching attempts to fit in is irrelevant.

The truth is, people are wise. We read each other even when we aren’t trying, we’re subconsciously studying each other’s behavior, our body language, our tones and our choice of reactions and non-reactions.

Our emotional intelligence is built in and we can always spot a phony.

WHAT’S WRONG WITH CONFORMITY?

You may say something like, “it’s just me going with the flow to be a part of the collective. We all compromise, don’t we?”

Compromise is one thing. We may compromise some of how we speak in a business meeting versus how we laugh and joke in front of our close friends or family. This is more so our way of being savvy in how we function through the many roles we adopt and adapt to in our lives. At the business meeting, you’re not compromising who you are, you are respecting the situation and acting appropriately to it.

The difference between this and conformity has to do with real compromise and real self-sacrifice for the sake of fitting in.

WHEN YOU CONFORM, YOU COMPROMISE YOURSELF – YOUR PRINCIPLES, YOUR VALUES, YOUR BELIEFS, YOUR TRUTH. YOU.

In many cases, it is a split between who you really are and who you pretend to be in order to be accepted. Some people don’t even realize they’re doing it. They are just trying to act “normal.” As if acting normal means just play along and follow blindly in hopes that no one sees any difference between you and themselves.

But what would happen, if you were to start spending less time and energy worrying about what others might think about the real you, and start BEING it?

As I mentioned, the need to belong is normal. This is exactly why we must follow our inner compass, our purpose, our path. This is where you actually meet and build with likeminded people who become your tribe, your community, your collective of people that you actually identify with and can build deep bonds and meaningful relationships with. This is all directly in sync with your life’s purpose.

WHEN YOU’RE LIVING IN YOUR PURPOSE, THERE IS NO NEED TO CONFORM. YOU JUST LIVE AS YOU ARE.

And the people who share their lives with you, are part of it. These are the people you fit in with, because your purpose and truth is identifiable and relatable to theirs.

But the only way to get there is to stop chasing the crowd. Stop discarding yourself and assuming the folks you are so eager to try and fit in with are actually worth any of your time at all. The sooner you can detach from this “need” to fit in, the sooner you can start living your own life and getting closer to your purpose. You need to become aware of the spilt between who you really are and who you’re presenting to the world and why you’re doing it. This can be a challenging truth to face.

Maybe you’re conforming because you feel you’re not good enough. Maybe you’re doing it out of fear of being ostracized. Maybe out of fear of rejection.

Maybe you fear no one will like the real you as the way you truly are so you have to hide in order to fit in with the “winning team,” with mainstream society.

Overcoming these fears is a necessary first step in detaching yourself from the need to fit in and essentially to begin living YOUR life.

Only then will you find people who will love and respect you for who you really are. And the beauty is, you don’t have to seek out to “find” these people. They are there already and are on their own paths that align with yours so you naturally connect as you follow your respective path.

TRUTH FOLLOWS TRUTH.

And true empowerment comes from finding your very own life’s purpose, your own clear intention, and your vision.

Taking this step is easier said than done and requires real self honesty, inner strength and consistent work. Doing it alone can be challenging at best. 

For me to become the man I am today I had to completely detach myself from what I thought I had to be. I’ve been on this journey a long time and developed a program for you to take this essential step.

Check out my program Self-Empowerment through Purpose today and don’t hesitate to reach out with any questions or specific points of interest around this topic via email to [email protected]

So long,

Orlando Owen

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Preserve your Power – Relationships and Masculinity

To build and sustain meaningful relationships as a man, especially romantic ones, you need to know how to stay grounded in your personal masculine power.

Because what keeps a relationship alive is the active balance between masculinity and femininity. Strong men and strong women form strong relationships.

For you to stay in your own masculine power, you need to understand when you are not in your power. You may need to ask yourself questions, such as the following.

  • What is taking you out of your element?
  • What are you or your partner doing that is weakening your grounding?
  • What does it mean to give your power away as a man?

To avoid unnecessary conflict or even risk losing your relationship, understanding the above is essential.

Talking about masculine power, at least in recent times, many men are confronted with the accusation of being toxic. We’ve covered this topic in a different article , but let me tell you this:

TRUE AUTHENTIC MASCULINITY IS EVERYTHING BUT TOXIC. 

It’s part of the modern narrative to shun men for who they are and many rightfully suspect this to be part of a larger gradual agenda to destroy real relationships between men and women, and ultimately dismantle the family unit.

For a relationship to thrive you need a healthy balance of both.

A man, surefooted in his masculinity and a woman, settling in her femininity. Any other dynamic will face serious challenges and is destined to fail. Time and time again, we see it, and personally, I’ve been there many times myself.

I’ve given my power away for years as what I deemed to be sacrificing for my love, and each time was a painfully repeated lesson until I learned what was ultimately a harsh and undeniable truth.

AS A MAN, YOUR MASCULINITY IS FOUNDATIONAL TO ALL OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS, ESPECIALLY THE ONE WITH YOURSELF.

To surrender this or downplay it for anyone, is to devalue your inherent power.

But what does it mean to “give your power away” as a man?

One of the most common examples of this can be seen in frequent acts of self-censorship and overly filtering thoughts, words and actions. Men who do this regularly are not being true to their values or virtues, typically out of fear of being ostracized or not fitting in. Men who constantly censor themselves or alter their opinions so as to not offend other people, especially women, are in turn giving their power away.

Not only does this result in a loss of respect from their partner, their peers, friends and/or family, this does long term internal damage as a loss of self-respect and dignity which can haunt through a lifetime and cause real trauma. As minor as this may seem, a simple compromise of truth or an occasional white lie, it is a habit of dishonesty to oneself and can easily become a learned character flaw if unchecked.

Seeking the approval of women or other men is also a huge red flag. Being in your personal power means standing strong and firm in your own truth, regardless of who’s around.

A true man does not care about being liked or disliked. He leads the way of his calling, his designated path whether others follow or not. He does not seek permission to do what he understands to be the right thing. He just does.

Men being labeled as toxically masculine comes from the misconception that they are disrespectful and reckless, the oblivious alpha bully, disregarding other people’s needs and overstepping their boundaries left and right.

But being secure in your masculinity means you are in control, you’re composed and calmly confident. There is no need to impress others or intimidate them.

You know yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, and function within them accordingly, as well as show respect for other people’s boundaries and personal space.

Losing composure, overstepping boundaries and flexing aggressively intimidating behavior are all signs of a weak, insecure man. A man who is not connected to his true power and therefore tries to compensate by overpowering others.

A MAN CONNECTED TO HIS POWER FEELS NO NEED TO INTIMIDATE OR DOMINATE.

But as long as you’re giving your power away and disconnected from who you really are, you’ll likely fall into this behavior by default, even if you don’t intend to do so. Or, another common behavior is to cower and hide from the world, afraid of what others may think of you.

Don’t you think it’s time to connect to your true power?

To find out what masculine power really means and how you can connect, or reconnect, to it?

If this speaks to you, check out our program page and take this brief assessment to see if our MASCULINE POWER program is right for you.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you.

If you’d like to reach me personally, don’t hesitate to contact me at [email protected]

So long,

Orlando Owen

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Defining Feminine Power in today’s culture

Power in today’s society is often associated with masculine attributes. It is common to see many of our “powerful women” portray an image of life through a masculine lens. In a stereotypical way, much of their “power” is displayed through aggressive behaviors and actions of excess – i.e. excessive materialism, excessive sexual imagery and lewdness.

Traditionally, and with some validity, women have mostly feared that they won’t be taken seriously if they are living in their feminine energy, at least publicly. They harbor the belief that they must act tough or strong like men in order to be taken seriously by society and fellow women.

In truth, the opposite is the reality.

While masculine energy is mostly linear and extremely focused, the power of the feminine is fueled by intuition and being able to read between the lines.

Feminine power is much more subtle than its masculine counterpart but by no means less powerful. It’s just different.

Being connected and living in your feminine power as a woman means you’re connected to your intuition. This allows you to see things many people are unable to see or recognize outside of their pragmatic view.

This undeniable power of intuition is seen in mothers and caregivers who know exactly when something is not right with their kids or loved ones, even when perhaps doctors or other specialists may tell them otherwise. In a mere survival sense, this is a great power.


A woman’s intuition and emotional intelligence enable her to maneuver through difficult life situations with confidence and grace. This is feminine power.

It’s “a mother’s instinct” to care for their loved ones.

In the news and on social media, we are seeing female power in action with strong mothers standing in front of school boards defending their kids and their parental rights. These women are 100% connected to their emotions, they are fully present and willing to fight for their families.

Would you say these women are weak? Would you say they are not feminine?

And while masculine power is striving forward and is often associated with fire, feminine power is receiving and often associated with water.

In a relationship, this means working with each other and trusting one another to make the right decisions for the common bond – the relationship itself. This may mean allowing him, as the man, to lead the way while you support and share the responsibilities as his partner and advisor when needed. Conflict usually arises when both partners are too much in the same energy – in other words, both are trying to lead forward in their masculine, or they’re both leaning too deeply in their feminine role of support and nurture. Naturally, relationships are a balance of both, where feminine and masculine both step up to their respective roles and at times and lead in their own unique ways. The ideal is when both partners allow the other to flow and take lead when needed. In relationships, this is what we call chemistry.

By doing so, both partners are allowing the other to connect to their true power, be it feminine or masculine.

Due to much of the propaganda around the women’s liberation movement as well as more currently, the LGBTQ movement, many modern women and men have become uncomfortable to the point of dissociating with their inherent power.

To learn more about this and to start reclaiming your power, check out our FEMININE POWER + MASCULINE POWER Program which dives deep into both and brings a much needed clarity to our collective state of being.

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The Cure for Imposter Syndrome

Searching the web, you will find an abundance of articles about imposter syndrome. Various attempts to define what it is exactly, and more importantly, what causes it and how to cope with it.

Like other mental health conditions that vary in degree of seriousness such as depression or anxiety, there is no absolute cure for imposter syndrome. Nothing in modern medicine or psychology will enable you to completely rid yourself of it. Much of it being an internal battle, the ability to cope with it, and ideally, disallowing it from hindering life, is very much up to the individual. There is no one size fits all.

WHAT IS IMPOSTER SYNDROME AND HOW DO I KNOW IF I HAVE IT?

Imposter syndrome can be defined as a deep feeling of inadequacy, of “never being good enough.” Many have described it as constantly feeling like a phony or a fraud. This can apply to various situations and aspects of life. For instance, someone with IS may feel they are unworthy of a promotion at their job, unsuited to receive a higher salary, undeserving of relationships with people that are “better” than them. And this can range from personal life to professional life which it is quite common to affect both.

People suffering from IS are often living in a state of constant anxiety. They truly believe they are not competent as others believe them to be, even when there is encouragement around them and plenty of proof of their competence.

THE OVERBEARING FEAR OF BEING EXPOSED AS A FRAUD IS ALWAYS LOOMING.

A common trait of someone with imposter syndrome is to overwork, obsessively, to try and compensate for their internal inadequacy. They are typically “workaholics” who are never completely finished or happy with their work. They tend to fixate on flaws, disguise it as perfectionism, and won’t allow themselves to ask for help out of fear of appearing weak or incompetent. There is a constant need to compare themselves, or their work, to others, which is never good enough, further “proving” their inferiority and unworthiness. The internal voice repeating “You’re not ready. You have a lot more to prove. They are way better than you are at this. Do you really think you’re good enough?” And on and on the pathological inner critic continues.

Modern psychology claims the causes for these symptoms to be your personality, your upbringing, a change of work environment or social anxiety. While none of this is inherently wrong, the root cause of imposter syndrome is commonly much deeper.

HOW IMPOSTER SYNDROME AFFECTS YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

Imposter syndrome is, at its core, a manifestation of real self-doubt, deep fears of inadequacy, and truly negative core beliefs. The dominant feeling of never being worthy will not allow the functional space for healthy experiences of love, gratitude, attention or presence to live and flourish. As a result, any potential for a substantial relationship is sabotaged. This goes for friendships, romantic relationships and business relationships.

There simply is no room for real relationships as long as imposter syndrome is thriving.

At the heart of it, imposter syndrome is the controlling and maniacal inner-voice of extremely low self-esteem. It is the painfully harsh living proof of how low self-value and lack of self-worth can limit a person’s life experience. To live with IS unchecked, is to live inhibited and as a victim of self-driven fear.

As noted above, there is no direct cure for imposter syndrome. But this does not mean it can’t be unlearned and avoided.

To overcome imposter syndrome, it requires real self-analysis. Reflecting on and directly facing your inner fears, doubts, and traumas. It’s about identifying these individual pain points and understanding them, so you can learn what triggers them and start to prevent them from triggering you into your smallness of IS and all of its fears and doubts.

This is the first step forward. Once you begin to make peace with these internal issues that are blocking you from growing, you can then start to clear the way for your true self to shine through.

THE IMPOSTER CANNOT SURVIVE THE REAL YOU. 

Taking the necessary steps to LIVE your life’s purpose with intention, vision and, in turn, your self-empowerment – this is the true “cure” for imposter syndrome.

Check out our programs page to learn more about our SELF-EMPOWERMENT THROUGH PURPOSE program. Fill out the brief assessment to see if this program is a good fit for you.