Tag: power

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Confronting and Conquering your Irrational Fears

Right now, you could be living the life you’ve always dreamt about.
You could have a healthy and loving relationship, loyal friends and a job that provides for you and your loved ones as well as giving you a sense of purpose and true fulfillment.

How far does this seem from your current reality?

Maybe you’re stuck in a toxic relationship. Stuck in codependency or maybe your relationship is lacking passion and real connection.
Maybe you’re having a hard time connecting with other people. Unable to make friends or maintain any real friendships.
Maybe your job is unfulfilling. Feeling like your efforts aren’t being valued, financially, professionally or personally.

A better life just seems far away.

Let alone a life where you are passionate about what you’re doing. A life where you’re creating a sense of purpose and connecting to your personal power.

All that is standing between you and this better version of yourself are blockages you’ve created over the years. Your irrational fears.

Because of these fears, you’re continually missing out on a number of potentially great opportunities. Your chances at gaining any meaningful relationships and fulfilling life experiences are limited to none.

This doesn’t mean the goal is for you to become 100% fearless.
Fear can be valuable as a protector in helping you stay clear of any potential dangerous situations.

The fears in discussion are not these types of innate rational fears. The fears we are focused on are those inner thoughts that paralyze you. The fear that blocks you from growing and slowly but painfully eats at your confidence. This type of fear can deplete your courage until nothing is left but self-doubt and deep insecurity.

Some common irrational fears are for example:
The fear of being judged by others for your thoughts and actions.
Fear of doing or saying something wrong.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of failure.

Many people design their lives to try and avoid these fears out of a lack of confidence and self esteem. If you’re allowing your life to be dictated by irrational fears, you are undoubtedly settling for a low quality of life experience. This is a roadblock to your path of true potential.

Just imagine: What would your life be like if you would be free from this fear?
What would you do? How would you feel? Like the famous quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, “What could we accomplish if we knew we could not fail?”

To step into your potential and lead a life of truth and self assuredness, you must learn to confront and power through your irrational fears. As clear as it may sound, this requires deep inner work. It cannot be achieved simply by implementing some off the rack affirmations, motivational coaches or forced positive thinking.

Irrational fears are ultimately rooted in low self esteem.

We all carry fear within us but your level of submission to these irrational fears can be measured by your level of self esteem. In turn, as you start to build healthy self esteem, your irrational fears will subside and gradually resolve.

Your self esteem is the foundation for the life you create for yourself. It is your self belief system and determines how you feel about yourself, how you let others treat you and how you navigate life. If you want to make real changes, you need to first focus on building and nurturing a solid foundation. It begins here and as you continue to grow, you continue to rewire your inner self for the better.

In our program “Your Fate is Not Sealed,” we teach you the basics of how to start rewiring your inner self through day to day practices that can be implemented immediately. Through a few easy to do techniques, you’ll begin to see and feel noticeable upgrades to your self esteem and confidence. It’s a strong introduction to the Feel Different system.

If you’d like to go one step further, our program “Self Esteem for the Rest of Us” will teach you the foundational steps toward building a healthy self esteem. This includes core lessons and techniques on how to confront and overcome your fears through simple but effective practices that can be applied to your daily life.

Think about your current life and all of the things you may be passing by because of irrational fear and doubt. It doesn’t have to be this way. It comes down to what you allow and settle for as your reality.

It’s not too late to start making a change.

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The connection between Self Esteem and Your Life’s Purpose

If you feel like your life is just drifting by and nothing noteworthy is ever happening, it’s time to change something.

Living a life without purpose or without contributing something to the world will gradually and inevitably break down your self esteem.

Your self esteem and your life’s purpose are linked.

Without working toward your life’s purpose, there will always be something missing. And without healthy self esteem, your confidence and courage to go after what you really want in life will never reach its point of action.

Seems like a catch 22, doesn’t it?
It really isn’t.

By working towards one, you’re naturally working towards the other. If you’re setting out to do something that truly fulfills you, something that serves a bigger purpose outside of just your personal satisfaction, you’ll become more confident. A feeling of pride and self respect arises. At the same time, your pathological inner critic will cease to be at the forefront of your mind telling you how useless you are, how aimless your life is, etc. In turn, your daily inner dialogue will become more supportive and positive.

The fastest way to build self esteem is to work towards your life’s purpose.

To serve a greater good than just pleasing your individual self and to contribute to society as a whole.

Ultimately, we should all be aiming to leave the world (society) a greater place than when we arrived. This is metaphorical for living in your purpose and being a contributor.

The practical side of this is that it gives a bit of perspective and narrows down what the overall “goal” of life is. And by building your self esteem you’ll find that more and more positive things will find their way into your life.
You’ll connect with people who are good for you. People who are in alignment with your goals and your purpose. New opportunities and possibilities will enter your path. It’s the law of attraction where energy attracts energy. In the same way when everything is dark and negative to you internally, this becomes your reality and the people around you, the situations you find yourself in, all reflect this. It really is about your energy and what you focus on.

What if I don’t know what I want or need?

Finding your life’s purpose is not impossible. It’s part of the quest of life. And yes, there is a purpose for you. And for you alone.

We are all born with a purpose.

For some, it comes at an early age and they know it right away. This is a rare but fortunate blessing. For others, it can be a long journey of searching and trying different things which can lead to various phases, trials and tribulations. On one hand, this can be very stressful, difficult and life challenging. On the other hand, through the tenacity and resilience of working through it all, it can give great power and character so that once you’ve found your way, your devotion to it is unwavering.

Your life’s purpose will grant you the energy and mental toughness to stand strong through hard times.

It is more than just finding a good job or a pleasant hobby to keep you busy. It also does not have to be something huge and exotic. But it is most certainly something you can give and contribute that no one else can do quite like you do it.

To fully open yourself to your life’s purpose, the root is in your self esteem. This is where your foundation lies. It’s where true confidence stems from. And it’s a necessity to living a fulfilled life. One that allows you to fully embrace your life’s purpose, recognize the power in it, and devote yourself to it as the leader of your own fate.

At Feel Different we specialized in teaching how to build self esteem and confidence on a very deep and fundamental level.

If you are in a place where you know you need to make some real life changes and pull yourself out of the darkness of everyday life, we have the tools you need.

Our new program “Your fate is not sealed” will teach you what you can do to start this journey to a better, more fulfilled life. Rich with balance, confidence in yourself and deeper relationships.

Visit our program page and feel free to contact us with any questions or needs for support.

All the best,
Orlando Owen

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Changing your life and other impossibilities

Change can sometimes feel like an impossible task. Changing things you dislike about yourself, your lifestyle, relationships, a job or career, your location – it’s never easy. But it’s typically for the better as any change requires a certain level of growth.

Unfortunately, our minds will have us think that some things are just set in stone. It’s the way they are. Unshakable. But to make changes in your life, it starts with just a few logical but fundamental things.

The most important place to begin is at your personal foundation, your self esteem. It’s the very core of everything in your life. I said it once and I’ll say it again – self esteem might not be everything, but without it, everything is nothing.

IF YOU’RE SUFFERING FROM LOW SELF ESTEEM, CONFIDENCE CANNOT EXIST.

This is simply because your confidence level is rooted in your level of self esteem. If your goal is to become more confident, your self esteem needs to be your focus. What happens when you don’t feel confident is your pathological inner critic starts warring against you. Tearing you down and bringing your confidence level lower and lower. This doesn’t happen when you are grounded in healthy self esteem.

This leads us to the second most important thing to focus on.
An integral part of building a healthy self esteem is to unmask and transform your pathological inner critic.

YOUR INNER DIALOGUE HAS AN ENORMOUS INFLUENCE ON YOUR DAILY LIFE.

How you act, how you react, how you navigate through life and the choices you make all depend on how much or how little you allow your pathological inner critic to dominate your mind.

Rewiring your inner dialogue to transform your inner critic from a destructive nuisance into a constructive advisor is crucial to making real changes in your life. As a result, the health levels of your self esteem and confidence will become undeniably evolved.

CHANGING YOUR INNER DIALOG CAN LITERALLY CHANGE YOUR FATE IN LIFE.

If change is calling and you know it’s time to take action, this is a beginner’s outline to do so. By no means is this as simple as it sounds. Nor can you attain this by simply reading this article.

Building confidence and finding, or creating, your life’s purpose can seem like a mountainous task which can be intimidating. But rest assured, you can do it.

With the right mindset and proper tools at hand, taking small steps each day that move you closer to your better self are absolutely achievable. This is how it’s done and it’s exactly what we teach and share with our community at Feel Different.

We specialize in self esteem building and life transformation from the inside.
Our methods are practical and accessible to anyone that is willing to do the work – no training or special knowledge is required to join.
Our programs have been tested by thousands of people and proven effective over the span of the past 15+ years.

I welcome you to explore our newest micro course, Your Fate is Not Sealed. It’s an easy to understand guide of practical techniques you can start doing in your everyday life to make the changes you’re seeking to accomplish.  Scan through and feel free to reach me if you have any thoughts or questions.

I wish you the best on your journey to self betterment and I am happy to assist in any way I can.

Please be well,
Orlando Owen

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Shifting the focus to your strongest self

We’re all aiming to be the best version of ourselves. It’s a lifelong commitment that can seem like a never ending process of development, which it actually is. There’s no final stop of growing unless of course, we completely give up.

As we continue to grow and learn to better ourselves, we’re constantly shifting our focus to areas of life that need attention.

How can I grow my confidence?

How can I be a better partner? A better friend? A better parent?

What do I need to do to become truly successful?

How can I find and create meaningful relationships?

Many people think it’s a matter of overcoming their weaknesses. And that is what society teaches us which can be very much ingrained in our everyday patterns and routines of thought and action.

Our pathological inner critic paired with our negativity bias focuses our attention on our shortcomings, our obstacles and all the things we’re lacking.

It’s logical to think that what you need to do is to improve in these areas. By becoming better at the things you’re not good at, you’ll eventually become better, period. Right? Not exactly.

As a result of this kind of focus, your energy goes directly to your weaknesses which in turn keeps you in a weaker state. All the while, little to none of your energy is going to your strengths. This is where your true potential lives. As they say, energy flows where attention goes. If all of your attention is on your weaknesses, you risk leaving your strengths to become weak.

And the sad truth is, the majority of people let their strengths fall where they may. Not realizing that this is exactly where they need to spend most of their time, energy, and focus.

The fact is, you can achieve more and grow faster, if you focus on your strengths. This is where your true potential lies and what will help you become more confident and in turn, more successful.

Your strengths are all of the positive attributes you have. The things that come natural to you. This is typically why you may not pay much mind to these things and dismiss them as something normal or unexciting.

But if you shift more of your attention to these parts of you, you’ll see that what comes natural to you, might be a challenge for others around you.

USE WHAT YOU’VE GOT

When you shift your awareness to the positive things you’ve already got, you start cultivating your life and the energy around it. This can help enable you to figure out how to further use your strengths to your benefit. This is the way to set you on your path to your life’s purpose.

Focusing on your natural strengths will keep you in a state of confidence and healthy self-esteem.

The first step in getting there is becoming aware of your strengths.

You can do this by looking at yourself from the outside and giving attention to what comes naturally to you. These may be small things like your ability to stay attentive, being thorough, or being able to see the bigger picture when others focus on the immediate details.

YOUR BEST STEP FORWARD

The challenging step is to cultivate your strengths and talents into something more. It’s common to see naturally talented people fall into contentment or laziness because what they’re naturally strong at, others may have to work hard for. This can be a setback for the talented person, simply because they were granted this strength without having to work as hard. This may lead to bad habits, contentment, lack of awareness, or an overall life imbalance due to overlooking their strengths. The real struggle for this person is in their self-awareness and really seeing their strengths and how they use them to provide value to the world around them.

The key is to control your focus. The more you focus on your weaknesses, the more you feed your lower self which takes from you and adds nothing more than self-doubt, fear, and all of your other limiting characteristics.

Shifting your focus to your strengths however, keeps you on solid ground. In a state of personal power and purpose.

At FeelDifferent we specialize in this. We provide practical methods and guidance to help you remove distractions, overcome toxic thought patterns and habits. We help you clear the way to your best and strongest self.

Explore our program by filling out this quick survey and one our team members will reach out to you.

Warmly,
Orlando Owen

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Undoing the Negativity Bias

game-over, netagivity

Have you ever wondered, why is it so much easier for us to dwell in our sorrows, fears, and doubts, while shunning and downplaying anything positive?

WHY ARE WE DRAWN INTO AND SO EASILY ATTACHED TO THE NEGATIVE?

It seems like each and every negative experience in our life is branded into our memory but the positive things slip away into the forgotten. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

The human mechanism at play here is called “negativity bias” and is something that is absolutely and unfortunately normal.

Some researchers from evolutionary psychology think our negativity bias is a remnant of times when it was critical to assume the worst of a situation for our survival. In early human history, the one who acted like there was a saber-toothed tiger behind every corner was more likely to survive than the one who did not. But we’ve long outlived saber-toothed tigers and most other dangerous predators of the wild. So why can’t we rid ourselves of this survivalist habit of old time thinking?

THE FIRST STEP TOWARD DEALING WITH YOUR NEGATIVITY BIAS IS AWARENESS.

As long as you’re unaware of this default pattern of thinking and feeling, it will continue to work subconsciously with no chance of you countering it.

“Your brain is like Velcro for negative experiences but Teflon for positive ones.” Rick Hanson

This leads us to holding onto negative things, continuing to feed them and blow them up to the point of being amplified, and usually exaggerated, in our memory.

WHAT IF YOU DID THIS EXACT THING BUT WITH POSITIVE THOUGHTS AND EXPERIENCES?

Seems simple and logical but it’s certainly not as natural or common. When you counteract the negativity bias by actively and intentionally embracing positive experiences and committing them to your memory, this rewires your brain to focus on the positive instead of the negative. I’m not talking about just “thinking positive” but about something much more effective and deeper. Something I call “taking in the good.”

Positive thinking is like forcing yourself to be positive, turning a blind eye to the negative and suppressing it as a form of denial. I’m not asking you to do that. I’m asking you to accept your natural tendency towards the negative but balancing it through an active practice of taking in good feelings. Whenever you have a positive experience, big or small, consciously give gratitude to it and lock it into your memory.

Allow yourself to feel the positive, bask in it, and embrace it as part of you and your life experience.

IT TAKES PRACTICE. MAKE IT A HABIT.

To escape the constant draw of the negative, you need more than some nice affirmations or motivational sprints. You need an overarching vision, something that will help you through times when you’re truly struggling and can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

In order to rewire your negative bias, it requires conscious and healthy habits to replace the negative and destructive ones that continue to hinder you.

A series of daily positive habits eventually enable you to create space for yourself that’ll give way to your life’s purpose. This is crucial to you overcoming your negativity bias and to start living a fulfilled experience as you were meant to. As we are all meant to.

In our new program you’ll learn about this concept and how it is connected to your inner critic. To start living your life toward your potential, you need to learn how to deal with both. They are a part of you and always will be and the longer you allow them to live unchecked, they will continue to limit your life experience.

But with the appropriate tools, they can be managed.

In our program “Your Fate is NOT sealed”, we provide these tools in a way that’s easy to comprehend and can be applied to your daily life to bring real change.

To learn more, please fill out this quick survey to be sure our new program is a good fit for you.

Warmly,
Orlando Owen

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Exposing Your Pathological Inner Critic

As you navigate through life, there is a common obstacle we all share. It’s an antagonistic part of ourselves which can easily be mistaken as an inner guide and protector from harm. An inside assistant to help us avoid pain, prevent humiliation and to help motivate us.

But its methods and intentions are quite the opposite. This inside voice is actually a hindrance and only serves to limit our life experiences through fear and disempowerment.

Psychology calls this part of yourself your pathological inner critic.

As long as you don’t know how to deal with its destructive nature and how to turn it from your worst enemy into a level-headed friend and advisor, you’ll never find true fulfillment.

WHAT DOES YOUR PATHOLOGICAL INNER CRITIC DO?

It commonly blames you for everything and anything that goes wrong in your life. It compares you to others, their achievements and abilities and will always leave you wanting and yearning for what you don’t have. It sets unrealistic standards and baseless perfectionism, and will continually encourage you to beat yourself up for even the smallest mistakes.

Your pathological inner critic keeps track of all your failures and reminds you of them at any chance it gets. This happens most often when you’re thinking of taking on something new, for example, an opportunity to try and improve yourself. Your pathological inner critic will take this moment to discourage you by keeping you insecure and low. It’ll work its way into triggering you with dark thoughts and feelings of you being inadequate, unfit, incompetent, incapable, ugly, selfish, dumb, weak, etc. And the list goes on.

In addition, your pathological inner critic is an accomplished mind reader and know-it-all. It’ll have you convinced that it knows what your friends, family, lover, colleagues, and even strangers think about you. Once again making you feel inferior, unworthy, unwanted and unloved.

YOUR PATHOLOGICAL INNER CRITIC IS ALWAYS UNDERMINING YOUR SELF WORTH.

For something this commonly domineering and destructive, you’d think it’d be a known crisis among the majority of us.

But the fact is, many people are completely unaware of their pathological inner critic. It is so insidious and woven into the fabric of our thoughts and inner being, many of us are oblivious to it and live in our suffering as if it’s all just a part of life. To a degree, it’s true, it is part of life and is a part of all of us. It’s a part of our subconscious that lives in our weaknesses, in our darker energies, in our lower, subpar selves. It is all still part of us, but our will to accept it and settle for continual suffering is a choice.

And where we have a choice is how we choose to manage it. This is a lot easier said than done.

The self-attacks typically have some underlying truth and justifiable reasoning to them. Just like certain fears we learn come from an underlying wisdom. We learn at a young age not to jump in fire so as to not get burned, for instance.

But your pathological inner critic is persuasive and persistent. It will make you believe that it’s there to protect you. To keep you safe from harm, from getting hurt, or from making a fool of yourself. In truth, and in the long run, adhering to your inner critic will only turn you into the very things you fear. Fear will become you and your basis for life. This is extremely dangerous and limiting to living a quality life experience.

If you want to start living on your own terms, you need to start working toward dismantling the amount of control you allow your inner critic to reign over your mind and spirit. The first and most important step in exposing your inner critic is to become aware of it.

CATCH YOUR INNER CRITIC IN ACTION.

It is most active when you’re facing challenges. When you make a mistake, when you’re being criticized, when dealing with people who are disapproving, when you’re feeling depressed or when you are just simply out of balance with yourself.

Become aware how you feel in these situations. Especially how you feel about yourself. Then carefully listen to how you’re talking to yourself in these situations, or immediately after.

What are you saying to yourself? Most likely it is your pathological inner critic talking.

Remember, its goals are to fulfill basic, primal needs of yours. Either to avoid pain or to motivate you.

But its methods are counterproductive and are far from supportive.

Stop the downward spiral.
Stop your thoughts from spiraling further down by controlling your inner dialog.

To unmask your inner critic, you need to drain it of its purpose and learn to fulfill your own needs in a conscious and intentional way. This requires building healthy self-esteem, as this is your foundation.

And this will allow you to develop a principle vision for your life to function as your motivation, and to drive you through purpose rather than through fear and doubt. This is all fundamental to self-empowerment and to living a life of fulfillment and true potential.

How long can you keep listening to this inside voice as if it’s your truth?

All the while, it continues to rob you of any happiness and peace of mind you can only hope to attain.

How much of your life have you lost to your inner critic so far?
How much more can you withstand?

To learn more about how to start overcoming your pathological inner critic, take a look at our program “Your Fate is NOT sealed”.

Warmly,
Orlando Owen

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Precision > Perfection

Is there a difference between perfection and precision?
And if so, does it matter?

The thing about perfection is that it can’t be reached. Perfection allows no flexibility, no room for experimentation, no space to grow or learn as you go. It’s a very black and white philosophy – all or nothing.

SO WHY IS IT SO COMMON IN OUR CULTURE TO REACH FOR THE UNATTAINABLE? AND HOW DOES THIS AFFECT OUR INNER-BEING?

While some may say it’s good motivation to set high expectations and “reach for the stars,” perfectionism is most typically a downfall. It’s one of the biggest brainwashed conditions we are taught to believe from an early age that can carry on through adulthood and lead many of us to continual self defeat and endless disappointment in ourselves and others.

WHAT IS PERFECTIONISM IN REAL EVERYDAY LIFE?

Perfectionism is more of a philosophy than anything. Because it’s unattainable and completely subjective, it’s often strived for in a competitive state. The perfectionist mindset can come from early childhood, typically from the parent who wants nothing more than their beloved child to be the greatest living being this world has ever known. Though it may come from good intentions, the effects are rarely positive.

When carried on through adulthood, perfectionism can often be seen as you attempting to overcompensate for your perceived deficiencies. Disguising this as competitive or somehow superior to others, is more often your pathological inner critic trying to “motivate” you to be the “best” while holding you to impossible standards. It stems from a fear of never being good enough, pushing to prove the opposite to yourself and to others.

In this case, the ultimate root of perfectionism is low self-esteem. It’s from you feeling inappropriate to life, feeling less than average, and unqualified. You might also find perfectionism as one of the key ways imposter syndrome manifests itself into your life.

Even if you do not identify as a full on perfectionist, many people still have this tendency to some degree. It can be in the habit of beating yourself up when you feel you’re falling short of your goals. Or if you’re the type who is routinely striving for unbelievably high expectations, ultimately setting yourself up for failure.

WHAT CAN YOU DO ABOUT PERFECTIONISM AND HOW DO YOU CHANGE THIS TO A MORE REALISTIC APPROACH TO LIFE? 

While perfection is not achievable, precision is.

Precision means doing whatever you’re doing to the best of your ability with the tools and resources available. Doing the best job possible – for you at this exact moment.

Contrary to perfection, precision allows for mistakes. It factors in the human element and gives space for this, remembering we’re not machines. It factors in who you are with your flaws, your faults, weaknesses and shortcomings.

Being precise in what you do means giving your energy to the quality and focus of your work, while being attentive. Most importantly, precision is achievable. And it might look different for everyone.

Rather than trying to be perfect or do things perfectly, try to focus on doing things as well as you can, to your potential and to your best ability.

Become aware of when you’re falling prey to your perfectionistic tendencies and pause to reflect. Ask yourself if your goals and expectations are realistic and within what you’re capable of attaining.

This is the easiest way to monitor yourself and stop the habit of catering to your inner perfectionist and to ultimately overcome these tendencies.

If you’d like to learn more about this topic, check out our program “Your Fate is NOT sealed”.

Please feel free to reach out and contact me with any questions.

Warmly,
Orlando Owen

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The challenge of self-acceptance

Do you ever feel like you don’t fit in? Or, like you aren’t dealing with situations the way a “normal” person should? No matter the circumstance, does it always feel like something is wrong with you?

Let’s take a step back and zoom out for a moment.

In reality, we all struggle with different challenges throughout our lives. Some more, some less. And the experience of beating ourselves up from time to time happens to the best of us.

IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE DAMAGED.

It’s more than likely that your current issues are temporary, they’ll pass in time,  and most importantly, you have the power to change them.

But to do so, you first need to accept, rather than resist. Resistance is where the pain and struggle is. It naturally and unconsciously complicates any situation, big or small. Accepting your current state and whatever your situation is right now is your first step forward. This will help you put things in perspective so you can more clearly see the situation for what it is, start to work through it and soon enough – resolve it.

In short, this is the power of self-acceptance.

IT’S THE KEY TO INITIATE CHANGE IN JUST ABOUT ANY DIFFICULT SITUATION.

The problem is, many people are unwilling or unable to look at their lives honestly. The idea of observing life from the outside and dissecting their issues that way is completely foreign, or just too painful.

In many cases like this, the person is afraid of what they may find if they dig deep enough in their self-reflection. This may deviate from an image they’re trying to uphold, it may conflict with some of their embedded beliefs or traditional ways of thinking, it may even affect some of their real life choices that they might be attached to – ie. relationships, friends, job, etc. It may just be too much to deal with, and easier to just keep going with the way things are. This is just life. Right?

Sure, it is life. And things can remain. But at what cost?

The longer you deny your truth, your self-acceptance, the longer and harder you’ll be conflicting with yourself and any adverse situation that arises. The energy that you could invest into confronting and, in turn, resolving your issues is instead, exhausting itself in a constant battle against your reality. You vs. you.

“But it should not be like this.”

“I should have gotten xyz.”

“He or she should have…”

All the should have, could have, would have of life will haunt you forever if you let it. This does nothing but prevent you from connecting to your inner-self, from accessing your own individual power. This is where your true value lives, in your self-esteem.

The self-avoidance and run around of blaming others sucks up all your energy. And what you resist, persists! This is why, when you do not recognize and resolve a problematic pattern in your life, it continues to return in various ways until you do. That’s, if you do. And if you don’t, it only worsens to the point of permanence which is the breeding ground for much deeper issues.

WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR US TO ACCEPT OURSELVES?

Many people confuse self-acceptance as meaning to be content with life as it is currently. As if it is a way of just saying yes to all of your flaws and to stop trying to improve yourself and striving for a better life.

This is not what self-acceptance is.

Self-acceptance is actually the first step on your journey to building healthy self-esteem and connecting to your own internal and individual power. It’s the beginning of you creating the life you want to live.

Self-acceptance is like pinpointing your location on a map. Looking at what is right now and taking stock of all that is there and your surroundings. Only when knowing where you are on the map can you start planning your next steps to your desired destination.

The same is true for any journey of self-empowerment. You need to be aware of where you are to get to where you want to be. You don’t have to love the spot you’re currently in, but for as long as you’re unwilling to accept it as a step in your journey forward, the efforts to change will be much more challenging.

Self-acceptance means accepting yourself the way you are right now. With all your flaws and issues. With all the things you want to fix, including your desire to become a better person and to continue to change your life for the better.

When practicing self-acceptance, you can begin by saying: “I accept myself with all my flaws and faults. Including my desire to overcome them.”

Remember: this moment you’re living right now is just a snapshot of your life. It’s one moment in time. It is not fixed and your acceptance of it does not make it permanent. It only shows you where you are on the map of your life so you can charter the course to your ideal destination.

If you want to learn more about this and how we help with the fundamental practices of self-acceptance, visit our program “Your Fate is NOT sealed” here. Fill out a brief questionnaire to see if it’s the right fit for you.

If you have any questions or thoughts on this, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me at [email protected]

Warmly,
Orlando Owen

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With or without self-esteem?

Have you ever felt inadequate? Unfit to fill a position at work?
Unable to accept compliments and praise?

Are you selling yourself short? Trying to justify everything you do? Do you feel like you need to put on an act in order to be accepted?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are you’re struggling with low self-esteem.

Why should this concern you?

YOUR SELF-ESTEEM IS YOUR LIFE’S FOUNDATION.

It determines how you perceive and think about yourself. It dictates what you’re feeling, what you’re capable of, and what and who you’re able to attract in your life.

SELF-ESTEEM IS NOT EVERYTHING, BUT WITHOUT IT, EVERYTHING IS NOTHING.

Over the years I’ve encountered the opinion that self-esteem is a bad thing.

That people with high self-esteem are full of themselves, arrogant, often narcissists, and that some people may just have too much self-esteem. Really?

No. There is no such thing as too much self-esteem. Not the way we define self-esteem at FEEL DIFFERENT, and not by its true definition – confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect. In most cases, this opinion is coming from those who are foreign to self-esteem. Who deem it as “fake” behavior because “no one can be that sure of themselves.”

Cockiness and arrogance, on the other hand, are typical tactics to distract and divert the attention from one who may be feeling inferior. A behavior that may also stem from trying to compensate for one’s lack of a certain quality, or a response to intimidation. All are clear symptoms of low self-esteem.

SO WHY SHOULD YOU CARE ABOUT SELF-ESTEEM?

Because self-esteem is power. Literally.

As long as you don’t have it, or very little of it, your life can be a tragic mess.

A seemingly endless series of hopeless situations that you cannot escape. This can come with sabotaging yourself, your relationships and your potential for success on every level. And most of it unconsciously.

Working on your self-esteem means quite simply, working on yourself – as a whole. It’s your foundation.

It’s the beginning of you taking control of your life, your vision of your future, your relationships and your successes. It is self-empowerment at the highest level.

Because your self-esteem lays the groundwork for you living your purpose, passion, and power in life, it is the basis for your self-value, self-respect, confidence and self-trust needed for you to truly experience your life as you were meant to.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, IT IS ROOTED IN YOU. YOUR SELF.

It is not based on how others see you, what they think about you or how much anyone may deem you to be worth. It is how much you accept yourself, how much you believe you are worth. And by that definition, you are the one in control. The sole creator of your fate and future self.

Self-esteem is the immune system of your soul, as Nathaniel Branden says.

If you develop a healthy self-esteem, others opinions, words and actions won’t affect how you feel about yourself. You’ll be able to navigate your life and your decisions with surety and confidence and face anything life throws your way.

Self-esteem is a decision. You don’t have to be at the mercy of your emotions and fears. You have a choice about how you feel.

Unfortunately, many people feel like they don’t have a choice. Like they’ve just been dealt a bad hand in life. They’re not one of the “lucky” ones who just seem to win at life effortlessly. You may know this person, it might even be you.

You may have looked for help, taken advice from “experts,” read best selling self-help books, tried coaching, motivational training, therapy, and in the end nothing stuck. At least not long enough to experience any real life changes.

The reason is simply that those methods ignore the most important factor in the equation: your self-esteem.

And while psychology in particular is great for diagnosing your issue, the practices used are unable to help you build real self-esteem and empower you to start leading the life you know you could be living.

It is adamant you understand the crucial role of your self-esteem for your life and start building a new relationship with yourself.

At FEEL DIFFERENT, we have tested and proven methods to help you achieve a healthy relationship with yourself. This starts with you building your self-esteem and becoming confident in living your own life as your true self.

If this speaks to you, please feel free to fill out this brief survey to see if our program “Your Fate is NOT sealed” is a fit for you.

Don’t hesitate to reach out with any questions or comments. I’m happy to help.

Yours truly,

Orlando Owen

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Breaking the control of the controlling type

Controlling types are common in our society. They’re also a dynamic type as behaviors can range from harmless nitpicking perfectionists to narcissistic know-it-alls to domineering bullies to outright abusers.

With toxic men and women becoming an everyday topic in our culture, there are many controlling types that fall into this category and it is important that we do our best to spot them, understand the causes and learn how we can protect ourselves from any potential issues.

Because of the wide range of severity between controlling types, the cause for such behavior can range in depth as well, but there are some general roots.

THERE IS OFTEN A ROOT OF ANXIETY, DISTRUST AND FEAR OF LOSING

Losing can refer to an opportunity, a career advancement, or a relationship, among various other things.
In the controller’s mind, they can’t afford to allow anyone else to lead the way because that person could very well mess it up and fail completely. This is where the constant control and related behavior tends to stem from in many cases. Controlling types are rarely good team players as they have deep trust issues.

This is where much of the domineering type of controller comes into play. The cliche “mean boss” personality who uses their proclaimed authority to intimidate and control by fear. This can also be seen in unhealthy relationships where one of the partners is domineering and controlling. From the outside, it is clear that this is the behavior of a weak person. A person with low self-esteem, and with little trust in themselves or their abilities so they put the other person down to compensate for their lack of self-value and confidence. It can be someone who sees other people as a threat and is in constant competition with themself and others. Trying to convince themself that they are the dominant one in the room. This person is acting out of fear, insecurity, and often envy.

WHAT CAN YOU DO IF YOU’RE AT THE RECEIVING END OF THIS TYPE OF BEHAVIOR?

As one fundamental rule of life goes, we attract what we are. And this isn’t always directly clear, conscious or literal. But it is an absolute rule of life. And it usually means we’ve got work to do. When you look at your life and see certain negative patterns, it is your inner wisdom telling you that you’ve got to confront the situation and solve it so as to not continue repeating it.

For you, even if you don’t have a domineering bone in your body or any obsessions with control, it can very well mean you’re on the other side of this type of relationship which is something you need to be mindful of and start working through as soon as possible to avoid letting it continue.

If you have a toxic person in your life and you let them treat you as such, it can be assumed that you have invited that behavior into your life one way or another. This could mean you have an issue with standing up for yourself, for not speaking up when you see something wrong, or not leaving a situation when it has become detrimental to you.

At its core, this purely stems from low self-esteem. To free yourself of the situation, you need to strengthen yourself with real courage and confidence to do so. Directly confronting the situation and speaking up for yourself is taking back the power the other person seems to have over you.

This is challenging and can be extremely uncomfortable but it’s mandatory in drawing the line between yourself and the situation. SET BOUNDARIES.

The first and most important step is to take a deep look inward and ask – am I truly valuing myself? Am I living as my best self right now? Does this person really respect me?

If the answer is no or if there is any uncertainty around these questions, you need to urgently check yourself and understand that, though you may be hurting or confused, there is a way out. And the sooner you confront it, the sooner you’ll be free.

Your self-esteem is your empowerment. This is the grounding of your confidence and will enable you to power through this situation and take control over your life.

Our mission and our work at FEEL DIFFERENT is to help you regain your confidence and reclaim your life. To live as your best, truest self. To ignite your passion, live with purpose and become one with your individual power.

To learn more, visit our programs page and fill out a quick assessment to explore which of our programs will be best for you

Respectfully,
Orlando Owen