Tag: self help

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Changing your life and other impossibilities

Change can sometimes feel like an impossible task. Changing things you dislike about yourself, your lifestyle, relationships, a job or career, your location – it’s never easy. But it’s typically for the better as any change requires a certain level of growth.

Unfortunately, our minds will have us think that some things are just set in stone. It’s the way they are. Unshakable. But to make changes in your life, it starts with just a few logical but fundamental things.

The most important place to begin is at your personal foundation, your self esteem. It’s the very core of everything in your life. I said it once and I’ll say it again – self esteem might not be everything, but without it, everything is nothing.

IF YOU’RE SUFFERING FROM LOW SELF ESTEEM, CONFIDENCE CANNOT EXIST.

This is simply because your confidence level is rooted in your level of self esteem. If your goal is to become more confident, your self esteem needs to be your focus. What happens when you don’t feel confident is your pathological inner critic starts warring against you. Tearing you down and bringing your confidence level lower and lower. This doesn’t happen when you are grounded in healthy self esteem.

This leads us to the second most important thing to focus on.
An integral part of building a healthy self esteem is to unmask and transform your pathological inner critic.

YOUR INNER DIALOGUE HAS AN ENORMOUS INFLUENCE ON YOUR DAILY LIFE.

How you act, how you react, how you navigate through life and the choices you make all depend on how much or how little you allow your pathological inner critic to dominate your mind.

Rewiring your inner dialogue to transform your inner critic from a destructive nuisance into a constructive advisor is crucial to making real changes in your life. As a result, the health levels of your self esteem and confidence will become undeniably evolved.

CHANGING YOUR INNER DIALOG CAN LITERALLY CHANGE YOUR FATE IN LIFE.

If change is calling and you know it’s time to take action, this is a beginner’s outline to do so. By no means is this as simple as it sounds. Nor can you attain this by simply reading this article.

Building confidence and finding, or creating, your life’s purpose can seem like a mountainous task which can be intimidating. But rest assured, you can do it.

With the right mindset and proper tools at hand, taking small steps each day that move you closer to your better self are absolutely achievable. This is how it’s done and it’s exactly what we teach and share with our community at Feel Different.

We specialize in self esteem building and life transformation from the inside.
Our methods are practical and accessible to anyone that is willing to do the work – no training or special knowledge is required to join.
Our programs have been tested by thousands of people and proven effective over the span of the past 15+ years.

I welcome you to explore our newest micro course, Your Fate is Not Sealed. It’s an easy to understand guide of practical techniques you can start doing in your everyday life to make the changes you’re seeking to accomplish.  Scan through and feel free to reach me if you have any thoughts or questions.

I wish you the best on your journey to self betterment and I am happy to assist in any way I can.

Please be well,
Orlando Owen

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Is negative thinking part of our nature?

Each of us has between 60k to 90k thoughts per day.
Most of these are repeated thoughts from yesterday.
And most of these thoughts are negative.

Unless you learn to manage some conscious control over this endless stream of thought, it can easily become a habit which for many of us it is.

THE MAJORITY OF US DEFAULT TO NEGATIVE THINKING.

It’s normalized in our culture to the point of being considered human nature. It’s common for us to see someone who’s being blatantly positive and assume that they’re being fake, putting on an act, or just in plain denial.

So what does this mean? Are we doomed for life? Is our fate sealed into negativity or can we turn it around?

The mind can take a life of its own when unchecked. Most of your psyche and mental mechanisms can work against you, and will typically continue to do so as long as you leave your mind to its own devices. Your pathological inner critic will do everything it can to drag you down (very actively). Our negativity bias, a remnant of our earlier days of surviving by avoiding possible dangers, bad fortune, etc., will steer your focus towards all things negative. And the wonderful concept of neuroplasticity, which is neither good nor bad, has the power to hardwire your brain into negative thinking if you don’t interfere.

Going up against these odds can seem impossible. But what’s the alternative?
Can you afford not to?

Without taking action and awareness against your negative train of thought, you’re allowing self destructive patterns into your life. These include but aren’t limited to deep depression, anxiety, self doubt, lack of energy and motivation, and an aimless life of emptiness.

What can you do to cope with your negative thoughts?
How can you counteract them? And best, rid yourself of the habit of negative thinking?

First you need to know, you cannot get rid of negative thoughts without consciously acknowledging them.
This can be extremely unpleasant and too painful for some. Many people are more comfortable avoiding this and would rather stay in their negativity than even attempt to break the cycle. Others go from this first step of becoming aware of their thoughts straight into victim mentality. This is not where we’re headed.
Please be aware, that in a brief article like this, I can only provide you with some surface points and a rough outline of the process. Explaining all of this in detail requires a more extensive medium and we’re doing exactly that in our programs at Feel Different.

What you need to know about how to counteract your negativity is that first and foremost, you need to become aware of your thoughts and thought patterns.

Becoming aware of when, meaning, in what situations and context do these thoughts most often occur?
Upon recognizing this is when you must redirect them to other, consciously positive thoughts. Defaulting to thoughts of gratitude tends to be a healthy habit to replace the negative.

It’s easier said than done to begin with but with practice and patience, you’ll be able to naturally start intercepting your thoughts and steering them in a healthy direction. Like any habit, good or bad, it takes consistency.

In the long run, this will help you become more confident and self assured in any situation you’re facing. Be it confrontations with friends, family, coworkers, or just in life challenges in general.
You can’t fully eradicate all negative thoughts, that is an unrealistic goal. But you can learn to dismantle and redirect the destructive energy of negative thoughts. You can turn your pathological inner critic into a constructive critic and as a result, change the direction your life is heading right now.

At Feel Different, we will provide you with the practical everyday tools you need in order to do just that.

Fill out this quick survey to see if our newest program is the right fit for you.
Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you have any questions or specific challenges you may be facing.
I’m happy to help.

Take care,
Orlando Owen

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Neuroplasticity at work – rewire and reclaim yourself

It is a common belief that once we reach a certain age, our brain is done developing and our personality, our traits and basically, our fate is set in stone. Unchangeable. We are who we are.

While some traits, like our talents and strengths definitively, are unique for each person, our fate is not.

YOUR BRAIN HAS AN UNLIMITED ABILITY TO REWIRE ITSELF.

To make new connections, new pathways for new habits and thought patterns. This is neuroplasticity and it’s technically why you can change your fate. It’s what enables us to make drastic changes and turn our lives around for the better.

It’s brain science that in its most simple understanding can be described as “what fires together, wires together.”

Neuroplasticity is always at play whether you’re aware of it or not. And while it’s kind of the magical wand to change your fate at any time, it is also the very thing that can keep you locked in place unconsciously and unaware. Life paths that become unchallenging, dull and overly routine, are often directly rooted in your daily thoughts and patterns.

THOUGHTS TURN INTO PATTERNS WHICH TURN INTO HABITS WHICH TURN INTO YOUR LIFE EXPERIENCE.

At least, for as long as you allow it.

To reclaim your life and begin changing your fate, you need to break the thought patterns and habits that do not serve you. The first step is becoming aware of those patterns. Start paying extra attention to your thoughts throughout the day. Try to observe your mind from the outside.

Where does your mind gravitate to when you let it go uncontrolled? Are you easily distracted? How often does your mind tend to ramble? Can you detect a pattern or specific habits in your mind?

Once you become aware of these patterns you can slowly start to redirect your unconscious thoughts and replace them with intentional and healthy thoughts.

This is absolutely necessary for keeping a strong focus. And ultimately directing your life in the way you’d like to see it progress to.

The more often you practice this method of thought control, the easier it will become and your brain will gradually rewire itself.

We are creatures of habit. And those of us who replace unhealthy habits with healthy ones, are typically living more balanced and fulfilled lives.

It can take time – typically 30 to 90 days – but the change is transformational.
Put your neuroplasticity to conscious work and it will reshape your way of thinking and, in turn, reshape your life.

Feel Different specializes in creating simple methods and techniques to help you rewire and transform your life. The surefire way to make change is to get to the root of your issue(s).
In most cases, the root can be found in a series of unhealthy habits, and even deeper, a lack of true confidence and self-esteem. This is our expertise and we’ve helped thousands of people turn their lives around.

To learn more, have a look at our programs page and fill out a brief questionnaire to see if it’s a fit for you.

Take care,
Orlando Owen

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Undoing the Negativity Bias

game-over, netagivity

Have you ever wondered, why is it so much easier for us to dwell in our sorrows, fears, and doubts, while shunning and downplaying anything positive?

WHY ARE WE DRAWN INTO AND SO EASILY ATTACHED TO THE NEGATIVE?

It seems like each and every negative experience in our life is branded into our memory but the positive things slip away into the forgotten. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

The human mechanism at play here is called “negativity bias” and is something that is absolutely and unfortunately normal.

Some researchers from evolutionary psychology think our negativity bias is a remnant of times when it was critical to assume the worst of a situation for our survival. In early human history, the one who acted like there was a saber-toothed tiger behind every corner was more likely to survive than the one who did not. But we’ve long outlived saber-toothed tigers and most other dangerous predators of the wild. So why can’t we rid ourselves of this survivalist habit of old time thinking?

THE FIRST STEP TOWARD DEALING WITH YOUR NEGATIVITY BIAS IS AWARENESS.

As long as you’re unaware of this default pattern of thinking and feeling, it will continue to work subconsciously with no chance of you countering it.

“Your brain is like Velcro for negative experiences but Teflon for positive ones.” Rick Hanson

This leads us to holding onto negative things, continuing to feed them and blow them up to the point of being amplified, and usually exaggerated, in our memory.

WHAT IF YOU DID THIS EXACT THING BUT WITH POSITIVE THOUGHTS AND EXPERIENCES?

Seems simple and logical but it’s certainly not as natural or common. When you counteract the negativity bias by actively and intentionally embracing positive experiences and committing them to your memory, this rewires your brain to focus on the positive instead of the negative. I’m not talking about just “thinking positive” but about something much more effective and deeper. Something I call “taking in the good.”

Positive thinking is like forcing yourself to be positive, turning a blind eye to the negative and suppressing it as a form of denial. I’m not asking you to do that. I’m asking you to accept your natural tendency towards the negative but balancing it through an active practice of taking in good feelings. Whenever you have a positive experience, big or small, consciously give gratitude to it and lock it into your memory.

Allow yourself to feel the positive, bask in it, and embrace it as part of you and your life experience.

IT TAKES PRACTICE. MAKE IT A HABIT.

To escape the constant draw of the negative, you need more than some nice affirmations or motivational sprints. You need an overarching vision, something that will help you through times when you’re truly struggling and can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

In order to rewire your negative bias, it requires conscious and healthy habits to replace the negative and destructive ones that continue to hinder you.

A series of daily positive habits eventually enable you to create space for yourself that’ll give way to your life’s purpose. This is crucial to you overcoming your negativity bias and to start living a fulfilled experience as you were meant to. As we are all meant to.

In our new program you’ll learn about this concept and how it is connected to your inner critic. To start living your life toward your potential, you need to learn how to deal with both. They are a part of you and always will be and the longer you allow them to live unchecked, they will continue to limit your life experience.

But with the appropriate tools, they can be managed.

In our program “Your Fate is NOT sealed”, we provide these tools in a way that’s easy to comprehend and can be applied to your daily life to bring real change.

To learn more, please fill out this quick survey to be sure our new program is a good fit for you.

Warmly,
Orlando Owen

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Exposing Your Pathological Inner Critic

As you navigate through life, there is a common obstacle we all share. It’s an antagonistic part of ourselves which can easily be mistaken as an inner guide and protector from harm. An inside assistant to help us avoid pain, prevent humiliation and to help motivate us.

But its methods and intentions are quite the opposite. This inside voice is actually a hindrance and only serves to limit our life experiences through fear and disempowerment.

Psychology calls this part of yourself your pathological inner critic.

As long as you don’t know how to deal with its destructive nature and how to turn it from your worst enemy into a level-headed friend and advisor, you’ll never find true fulfillment.

WHAT DOES YOUR PATHOLOGICAL INNER CRITIC DO?

It commonly blames you for everything and anything that goes wrong in your life. It compares you to others, their achievements and abilities and will always leave you wanting and yearning for what you don’t have. It sets unrealistic standards and baseless perfectionism, and will continually encourage you to beat yourself up for even the smallest mistakes.

Your pathological inner critic keeps track of all your failures and reminds you of them at any chance it gets. This happens most often when you’re thinking of taking on something new, for example, an opportunity to try and improve yourself. Your pathological inner critic will take this moment to discourage you by keeping you insecure and low. It’ll work its way into triggering you with dark thoughts and feelings of you being inadequate, unfit, incompetent, incapable, ugly, selfish, dumb, weak, etc. And the list goes on.

In addition, your pathological inner critic is an accomplished mind reader and know-it-all. It’ll have you convinced that it knows what your friends, family, lover, colleagues, and even strangers think about you. Once again making you feel inferior, unworthy, unwanted and unloved.

YOUR PATHOLOGICAL INNER CRITIC IS ALWAYS UNDERMINING YOUR SELF WORTH.

For something this commonly domineering and destructive, you’d think it’d be a known crisis among the majority of us.

But the fact is, many people are completely unaware of their pathological inner critic. It is so insidious and woven into the fabric of our thoughts and inner being, many of us are oblivious to it and live in our suffering as if it’s all just a part of life. To a degree, it’s true, it is part of life and is a part of all of us. It’s a part of our subconscious that lives in our weaknesses, in our darker energies, in our lower, subpar selves. It is all still part of us, but our will to accept it and settle for continual suffering is a choice.

And where we have a choice is how we choose to manage it. This is a lot easier said than done.

The self-attacks typically have some underlying truth and justifiable reasoning to them. Just like certain fears we learn come from an underlying wisdom. We learn at a young age not to jump in fire so as to not get burned, for instance.

But your pathological inner critic is persuasive and persistent. It will make you believe that it’s there to protect you. To keep you safe from harm, from getting hurt, or from making a fool of yourself. In truth, and in the long run, adhering to your inner critic will only turn you into the very things you fear. Fear will become you and your basis for life. This is extremely dangerous and limiting to living a quality life experience.

If you want to start living on your own terms, you need to start working toward dismantling the amount of control you allow your inner critic to reign over your mind and spirit. The first and most important step in exposing your inner critic is to become aware of it.

CATCH YOUR INNER CRITIC IN ACTION.

It is most active when you’re facing challenges. When you make a mistake, when you’re being criticized, when dealing with people who are disapproving, when you’re feeling depressed or when you are just simply out of balance with yourself.

Become aware how you feel in these situations. Especially how you feel about yourself. Then carefully listen to how you’re talking to yourself in these situations, or immediately after.

What are you saying to yourself? Most likely it is your pathological inner critic talking.

Remember, its goals are to fulfill basic, primal needs of yours. Either to avoid pain or to motivate you.

But its methods are counterproductive and are far from supportive.

Stop the downward spiral.
Stop your thoughts from spiraling further down by controlling your inner dialog.

To unmask your inner critic, you need to drain it of its purpose and learn to fulfill your own needs in a conscious and intentional way. This requires building healthy self-esteem, as this is your foundation.

And this will allow you to develop a principle vision for your life to function as your motivation, and to drive you through purpose rather than through fear and doubt. This is all fundamental to self-empowerment and to living a life of fulfillment and true potential.

How long can you keep listening to this inside voice as if it’s your truth?

All the while, it continues to rob you of any happiness and peace of mind you can only hope to attain.

How much of your life have you lost to your inner critic so far?
How much more can you withstand?

To learn more about how to start overcoming your pathological inner critic, take a look at our program “Your Fate is NOT sealed”.

Warmly,
Orlando Owen

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Precision > Perfection

Is there a difference between perfection and precision?
And if so, does it matter?

The thing about perfection is that it can’t be reached. Perfection allows no flexibility, no room for experimentation, no space to grow or learn as you go. It’s a very black and white philosophy – all or nothing.

SO WHY IS IT SO COMMON IN OUR CULTURE TO REACH FOR THE UNATTAINABLE? AND HOW DOES THIS AFFECT OUR INNER-BEING?

While some may say it’s good motivation to set high expectations and “reach for the stars,” perfectionism is most typically a downfall. It’s one of the biggest brainwashed conditions we are taught to believe from an early age that can carry on through adulthood and lead many of us to continual self defeat and endless disappointment in ourselves and others.

WHAT IS PERFECTIONISM IN REAL EVERYDAY LIFE?

Perfectionism is more of a philosophy than anything. Because it’s unattainable and completely subjective, it’s often strived for in a competitive state. The perfectionist mindset can come from early childhood, typically from the parent who wants nothing more than their beloved child to be the greatest living being this world has ever known. Though it may come from good intentions, the effects are rarely positive.

When carried on through adulthood, perfectionism can often be seen as you attempting to overcompensate for your perceived deficiencies. Disguising this as competitive or somehow superior to others, is more often your pathological inner critic trying to “motivate” you to be the “best” while holding you to impossible standards. It stems from a fear of never being good enough, pushing to prove the opposite to yourself and to others.

In this case, the ultimate root of perfectionism is low self-esteem. It’s from you feeling inappropriate to life, feeling less than average, and unqualified. You might also find perfectionism as one of the key ways imposter syndrome manifests itself into your life.

Even if you do not identify as a full on perfectionist, many people still have this tendency to some degree. It can be in the habit of beating yourself up when you feel you’re falling short of your goals. Or if you’re the type who is routinely striving for unbelievably high expectations, ultimately setting yourself up for failure.

WHAT CAN YOU DO ABOUT PERFECTIONISM AND HOW DO YOU CHANGE THIS TO A MORE REALISTIC APPROACH TO LIFE? 

While perfection is not achievable, precision is.

Precision means doing whatever you’re doing to the best of your ability with the tools and resources available. Doing the best job possible – for you at this exact moment.

Contrary to perfection, precision allows for mistakes. It factors in the human element and gives space for this, remembering we’re not machines. It factors in who you are with your flaws, your faults, weaknesses and shortcomings.

Being precise in what you do means giving your energy to the quality and focus of your work, while being attentive. Most importantly, precision is achievable. And it might look different for everyone.

Rather than trying to be perfect or do things perfectly, try to focus on doing things as well as you can, to your potential and to your best ability.

Become aware of when you’re falling prey to your perfectionistic tendencies and pause to reflect. Ask yourself if your goals and expectations are realistic and within what you’re capable of attaining.

This is the easiest way to monitor yourself and stop the habit of catering to your inner perfectionist and to ultimately overcome these tendencies.

If you’d like to learn more about this topic, check out our program “Your Fate is NOT sealed”.

Please feel free to reach out and contact me with any questions.

Warmly,
Orlando Owen