Tag: self esteem is

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Why motivational talk is just talk

If you’re on the journey of self development and self betterment, you’ve inadvertently stumbled upon motivational and inspirational quotes like:

“You can do anything if you set your mind to it”
“You can be whoever you want to be”
“Live every day like it’s your last”

You’ll also see plenty of instructional efforts such as ‘just focus hard enough on your goals, follow a strict plan and you’ll have whatever you’re looking for in 30 days or even less.’

Why does it seem that these things work for everybody, at least on social media, but not you?

What are you doing wrong? Why are you unable to make any real changes for the better? Is there something wrong with you?

Before we dive into this topic, let’s be fully clear. There is nothing wrong with you. The only thing wrong in this context is the approach you’re choosing to get to where you want to be.

In truth, many of these common motivational tactics are not only ineffective for long-term success and fulfillment. They are downright dangerous.

If you follow any motivational speakers or if you’ve been at one of their prime events, you’ve likely experienced a quick spike in motivation and energy. They put you in a high state where you thought you really could accomplish anything you want. But this high typically lasts for a few days at most, if not hours.

After the effects of the motivation boost fade away, you’re left feeling empty and utterly alone again. Possibly feeling worse than you were prior to the ‘motivation’ because now you’ve failed to maintain the high of your quick confidence boost.

As a result, your pathological inner critic – the nagging voice inside your head looking for any way to criticize you – will now have a field day showing you all of your failures, all of your shortcomings, and why you should be ashamed for even feeling like you had a chance to do better. This can be severely damaging to your self esteem, the foundation of your inner life balance.

While the energy and speeches of most motivational speakers do sound good, they really only work for a minority of people. Those of us who are naturally high achievers and belong to the fortunate 5% of individuals capable of pushing themselves to the limit.

But for most of us, forcing ourselves to be motivated, constantly pushing for more and more, is not the path to happiness and fulfillment we’re envisioning. There has to be a different way.

And there is.

I, myself, am not what you’d call a natural born “winner.” I’m just a normal guy who wanted to feel good about myself. Find a job that fulfills me, build a loving and lasting relationship with a woman I love, and contribute to the world in some way.

But neither psychology, nor motivational speakers could offer any real solutions.

I ventured out to find something that actually worked through years of trial and error and endless study. It wasn’t until I turned completely inward that I found what worked. And still works, 15 years later.

I built the first and only proven effective system that provides real life solutions for “normal” everyday people.

To get where you want to be in life, you need a driving force. Something that propels you to do your best every day without draining you of energy. And a simple grocery list of goals and motivational quotes just won’t do it.

Because what happens if you reach one goal? You’ll just find 5 more new goals to achieve without really appreciating what you already have. It’s just the next thing, and the next and the next. Living in the future while neglecting the present.

Typical motivational coaches offer band-aid style solutions at best. You’ll get a patchwork of things that seem like a good solution at the moment, but wear off quickly after short term relief. Underneath, the emotional wound is festering, continuing to hurt, and furthering any real resolve. All the while, eating up your energy reserves and with it, your chances of  making real changes.

In other words, the need to address the root cause(s) of your issues is crucial. Otherwise, there is no chance or change or healing.

At the core of this “cure” is your self esteem.

This is why we at Feel Different specialize in core methods to build self esteem and real confidence. No quick motivation, but deep inner work that you can apply to your daily life for long term change. Real life changes.

To learn more, sign up for our program “Self Esteem for the Rest of Us.”

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Feeling stuck? Get out of problem solving paralysis

If you’re working on your personal development and trying to change your life in any way, shape or form, you’ll encounter a number of challenges. And a lot of problems to solve along the way.

But while you’re trying to solve each and every problem you encounter, there is no change or development happening. Only stagnancy in what I call “problem solving paralysis.”

You’re so focused on all of your so-called problems, you don’t see the bigger picture.

Trying to fix what are typically minor individual issues without ever addressing the underlying root of the actual problem. This is more often than not, an issue of low self-esteem.

And the reason why you’re stuck solving all those problems is very much the same. If your self esteem is low, your pathological inner critic easily dominates your thoughts and encourages you to push harder, work harder and put yourself under massive pressure. And if you’re not able to rise to its expectations, it tears you down even harder. This keeps you in a state of stress, constantly trying to catch up without ever getting one step closer to where you actually want to be.

Inner mechanisms like your negativity bias, which is our natural tendency to focus on the negative and all our problems, play into this pattern as well. And as long as you are unable to recognize these parts of yourself and see them for what they really are, your self esteem will continue to suffer.

In order to overcome and start making real life changes, it requires you to identify your patterns and inner habits, and replace them with conscious, healthy habits.

This will allow you to deprogram the inner negative and rewire yourself from the inside out – with intention.

As Robert Fritz said, “you can get rid of all your problems and still not have what you want.”

The question is, how do you know you’re in “problem solving paralysis”?

Here are some questions:

  • Do you often find yourself in the “if-then” trap? Meaning, do you often tell yourself: If I only had X, then I could do Y. For example, “if I was more confident, it would be so much easier for me to find a new job.” Or, “if I get a raise next month, then I can ask her out on a date.”
  • Do you catch yourself constantly focusing on just the problems in your life?
  • Are you frequently dissatisfied with yourself? Your work? Your life?
  • Do you often beat yourself up for mistakes you’ve made?
  • Do you feel like you’re always trying to catch up?
  • Are you lacking clarity in your life? Feel like your mind and thoughts are often foggy? Easily distracted?

If you answered “yes” to one or more of these questions, you’re likely stuck in “problem solving paralysis.” This prevents you from making any headway in your life. Especially if you’re trying to elevate and evolve onto a deeper life experience. A life with purpose, fulfillment, and meaningful relationships.

You can’t evolve your life if you’re always stuck in your mind trying to solve what you perceive as problems.

It’s exhausting and will only rob you of your energy and motivation. More times than not, it breeds deep frustration to the point of giving up. What’s the point after all? You’re buried in all of these problems with no way out. Right?

No. Giving up is not an option.

The key to escaping this problem solving paralysis is to resolve the issues at their root. This means going inward to your core and building healthy self esteem.

This is your foundation and the root of clearing out a lot of the inner fog that perceives situations as “problems.” Once grounded in a solid, healthy self esteem, these issues tend to become much more in your grasp and controllable. No longer seen as problems, but life circumstances that you can progress through as needed. No stress, no panic. Just parts of life that you can control.

Trying to achieve this on your own can take years, if not decades.

But with the proper guidance of someone who could show you exactly where to “dig” and what to do, you can start seeing improvements in a matter of weeks and/or months.

This is what we do at Feel Different.

We offer you a comprehensive and effective system to build healthy self esteem. We’ve tried and tested every single method we teach, with thousands of successful participants who have transformed their lives in ways unimaginable prior to our programs.

Start making a difference today. Escape your problem solving paralysis and explore our program “Self Esteem for the Rest of Us” today.

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Shifting the focus to your strongest self

We’re all aiming to be the best version of ourselves. It’s a lifelong commitment that can seem like a never ending process of development, which it actually is. There’s no final stop of growing unless of course, we completely give up.

As we continue to grow and learn to better ourselves, we’re constantly shifting our focus to areas of life that need attention.

How can I grow my confidence?

How can I be a better partner? A better friend? A better parent?

What do I need to do to become truly successful?

How can I find and create meaningful relationships?

Many people think it’s a matter of overcoming their weaknesses. And that is what society teaches us which can be very much ingrained in our everyday patterns and routines of thought and action.

Our pathological inner critic paired with our negativity bias focuses our attention on our shortcomings, our obstacles and all the things we’re lacking.

It’s logical to think that what you need to do is to improve in these areas. By becoming better at the things you’re not good at, you’ll eventually become better, period. Right? Not exactly.

As a result of this kind of focus, your energy goes directly to your weaknesses which in turn keeps you in a weaker state. All the while, little to none of your energy is going to your strengths. This is where your true potential lives. As they say, energy flows where attention goes. If all of your attention is on your weaknesses, you risk leaving your strengths to become weak.

And the sad truth is, the majority of people let their strengths fall where they may. Not realizing that this is exactly where they need to spend most of their time, energy, and focus.

The fact is, you can achieve more and grow faster, if you focus on your strengths. This is where your true potential lies and what will help you become more confident and in turn, more successful.

Your strengths are all of the positive attributes you have. The things that come natural to you. This is typically why you may not pay much mind to these things and dismiss them as something normal or unexciting.

But if you shift more of your attention to these parts of you, you’ll see that what comes natural to you, might be a challenge for others around you.

USE WHAT YOU’VE GOT

When you shift your awareness to the positive things you’ve already got, you start cultivating your life and the energy around it. This can help enable you to figure out how to further use your strengths to your benefit. This is the way to set you on your path to your life’s purpose.

Focusing on your natural strengths will keep you in a state of confidence and healthy self-esteem.

The first step in getting there is becoming aware of your strengths.

You can do this by looking at yourself from the outside and giving attention to what comes naturally to you. These may be small things like your ability to stay attentive, being thorough, or being able to see the bigger picture when others focus on the immediate details.

YOUR BEST STEP FORWARD

The challenging step is to cultivate your strengths and talents into something more. It’s common to see naturally talented people fall into contentment or laziness because what they’re naturally strong at, others may have to work hard for. This can be a setback for the talented person, simply because they were granted this strength without having to work as hard. This may lead to bad habits, contentment, lack of awareness, or an overall life imbalance due to overlooking their strengths. The real struggle for this person is in their self-awareness and really seeing their strengths and how they use them to provide value to the world around them.

The key is to control your focus. The more you focus on your weaknesses, the more you feed your lower self which takes from you and adds nothing more than self-doubt, fear, and all of your other limiting characteristics.

Shifting your focus to your strengths however, keeps you on solid ground. In a state of personal power and purpose.

At FeelDifferent we specialize in this. We provide practical methods and guidance to help you remove distractions, overcome toxic thought patterns and habits. We help you clear the way to your best and strongest self.

Explore our program by filling out this quick survey and one our team members will reach out to you.

Warmly,
Orlando Owen

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Precision > Perfection

Is there a difference between perfection and precision?
And if so, does it matter?

The thing about perfection is that it can’t be reached. Perfection allows no flexibility, no room for experimentation, no space to grow or learn as you go. It’s a very black and white philosophy – all or nothing.

SO WHY IS IT SO COMMON IN OUR CULTURE TO REACH FOR THE UNATTAINABLE? AND HOW DOES THIS AFFECT OUR INNER-BEING?

While some may say it’s good motivation to set high expectations and “reach for the stars,” perfectionism is most typically a downfall. It’s one of the biggest brainwashed conditions we are taught to believe from an early age that can carry on through adulthood and lead many of us to continual self defeat and endless disappointment in ourselves and others.

WHAT IS PERFECTIONISM IN REAL EVERYDAY LIFE?

Perfectionism is more of a philosophy than anything. Because it’s unattainable and completely subjective, it’s often strived for in a competitive state. The perfectionist mindset can come from early childhood, typically from the parent who wants nothing more than their beloved child to be the greatest living being this world has ever known. Though it may come from good intentions, the effects are rarely positive.

When carried on through adulthood, perfectionism can often be seen as you attempting to overcompensate for your perceived deficiencies. Disguising this as competitive or somehow superior to others, is more often your pathological inner critic trying to “motivate” you to be the “best” while holding you to impossible standards. It stems from a fear of never being good enough, pushing to prove the opposite to yourself and to others.

In this case, the ultimate root of perfectionism is low self-esteem. It’s from you feeling inappropriate to life, feeling less than average, and unqualified. You might also find perfectionism as one of the key ways imposter syndrome manifests itself into your life.

Even if you do not identify as a full on perfectionist, many people still have this tendency to some degree. It can be in the habit of beating yourself up when you feel you’re falling short of your goals. Or if you’re the type who is routinely striving for unbelievably high expectations, ultimately setting yourself up for failure.

WHAT CAN YOU DO ABOUT PERFECTIONISM AND HOW DO YOU CHANGE THIS TO A MORE REALISTIC APPROACH TO LIFE? 

While perfection is not achievable, precision is.

Precision means doing whatever you’re doing to the best of your ability with the tools and resources available. Doing the best job possible – for you at this exact moment.

Contrary to perfection, precision allows for mistakes. It factors in the human element and gives space for this, remembering we’re not machines. It factors in who you are with your flaws, your faults, weaknesses and shortcomings.

Being precise in what you do means giving your energy to the quality and focus of your work, while being attentive. Most importantly, precision is achievable. And it might look different for everyone.

Rather than trying to be perfect or do things perfectly, try to focus on doing things as well as you can, to your potential and to your best ability.

Become aware of when you’re falling prey to your perfectionistic tendencies and pause to reflect. Ask yourself if your goals and expectations are realistic and within what you’re capable of attaining.

This is the easiest way to monitor yourself and stop the habit of catering to your inner perfectionist and to ultimately overcome these tendencies.

If you’d like to learn more about this topic, check out our program “Your Fate is NOT sealed”.

Please feel free to reach out and contact me with any questions.

Warmly,
Orlando Owen

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Why men must earn their existence

Man’s place in the world is that of a potential leader. A provider and a contributor to society. He must earn his place in society. He must carve out a path and create a life for himself and his family. Women and children do not face this same circumstantial pressure for their existence which makes men unique in this way. Without his proven ability, a man is viewed as subpar, inadequate, “under construction” – in other words, not yet a man.

The root of man’s ability to step into his life’s purpose is his inherent power, his masculinity.

BUT MASCULINITY DOESN’T HAPPEN ON ITS OWN

For a boy to become a man, a significant transition needs to happen. An intentional event, or ritual, needs to take place that initiates the boy into manhood. At least this is how it’s supposed to happen and has happened in traditions across the world since the beginning of time.

Unfortunately, this has become lost in American culture for decades. We can look to the military or college as a few basic comparisons but neither can even remotely substitute for the intentional rites of passage for boys to become men.

TO LEAD AND PROVIDE FOR OTHERS, A MAN MUST EARN THEIR TRUST AND RESPECT.

As a man, in order to lead, you must be able to prove yourself and prove your strength and abilities.
This is an innate part of being a man and is directly connected to your masculinity.
This is what individualizes you and grants you the ability to become a proven leader and provider for your community and/or family. This is what being a man is.

Only a boy would expect to be respected and trusted as a “man” without first proving himself as such. Without contributing something to society. Without providing any service to the world around him. This is the state we are currently in with excessive public exposure and means to express ourselves, we are seeing a large amount of self-entitled and self-absorbed boys speaking out their delusions of expectancy regularly. This is what our high schools, colleges and universities are now breeding.

Self-entitled boys are becoming the established norm and it’s a wake up call to reclaim what we collectively identify as men and masculinity. Otherwise, we risk extinguishing masculinity as we know it and settling for subpar boys to take the place of our men which equates to zero leadership, zero progress, and a complete devolution that we have yet to experience.

WE NEED REAL MEN, NOW MORE THAN EVER.

As a man, it is imperative for you to claim your calling, your life’s purpose.
To create your way and to contribute to the world. This is the way it’s always been and must be in order for us to keep progressing forward. Steel sharpens steel and strong men create strong communities and families. The masculine is the force that drives change and movement throughout even the most challenging times. To deny this call would be to deny yourself as well as the world around you.

THIS IS THE ROOT OF ALL MAN’S GREATNESS.

To step into your power as a man, you need to embrace your masculinity and the responsibility that comes with it. This is essential for you to find and claim your place in society, and to become truly comfortable in your skin as a man. This is what grants men respect from their peers, from men and women alike, and separates great men from the mediocre.

Any relationship struggles or feelings of emptiness or stagnance can be directly rooted in this lack of purpose. This disconnect between men and their inherent masculine power.

There is no quick fix or automatic amount of respect or love given to a man just because he is who he is. No man is given anything in this life. He must earn it.

EACH OF US HAS A PURPOSE AND A MISSION TO ACCOMPLISH WHILE WE’RE HERE.
HAVE YOU FOUND YOURS?

Visit our Masculine Program today and fill out a brief assessment to see if it’s a good fit for you.

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Emotional Resilience is Survival

Do you sometimes feel like everything is just too much?
Like the walls are closing in on the cusp of crushing you relentlessly?
No matter how hard you try, you seem to just barely be getting by with little to no progress in your life?
The world has changed drastically over the last few years. Life has become ever challenging and we’re asking ourselves how we will get through it all.

No matter how overwhelming things look on the outside, what matters most is how you think, and how you handle your emotions.

All actions are dictated by your thoughts and your thoughts are what influence how you feel. And how you feel influences your thoughts. It’s cyclical.

Many people don’t get this connection but it’s especially important to be mindful of this in times of deep stress. The need to keep your mental and emotional health in check is most crucial during these moments. A focused mind and relaxed nervous system are fundamental to enable yourself to think clearly and act accordingly without being reactive to whatever the situation may be.

DURING THIS TIME OF COLLECTIVE STRESS, THE NEED TO DEVELOP EMOTIONAL RESILIENCE IS SURVIVAL.

When we allow ourselves to panic or live in a victim state, constantly tormented by fears and uncertainties, the ability to make clear decisions is disabled. This can be stunting to individual growth. People who may be relying on you will pick up on this as well. However, if you learn to overcome your fear and uncertainty, and keep yourself calm and collected, you keep yourself in a state of clarity which is key to leading your own life as well as helping others as they will pick up on this too which will allow them to feel relaxed and at ease.

IT’S NOT ABOUT RUNNING FROM YOUR EMOTIONS OR DISALLOWING YOURSELF TO FEEL.

Quite the opposite. It’s important to be present with what’s going on inside of you and to actually feel without judgement, without harsh reaction or criticism, and without allowing yourself to become overwhelmed.

To be able to handle negative and stressful emotions without suppressing them or being controlled by them is a deep strength that can take a lifetime for some of us to learn, if at all. Without it, it can be crippling and can hinder personal development. People who allow their emotions to control them without making conscious effort to learn otherwise, often become fragile, stuck in a feeling of helplessness, living as permanent “victims” of life and the world around them. Many people like this spend a lot of time complaining, beating themselves up over menial and unimportant things, blame others for their shortcomings, or simply fall into a state of apathy.

On the other hand, those who learn to live mindfully, to be aware of their emotions but not controlled by them, tend to live much more at peace with themselves and the lives they lead. It’s an essential leadership quality to be able to master your emotions and your mind, rather than letting yourself fall victim to circumstance. Life will always bring challenges your way. The sooner you can learn to accept this and develop the ability to stand through these challenges, the better quality of life you will live. Period.

This is a core concept we teach at FEEL DIFFERENT.

To be confident in life, you need to be confident with yourself and able to navigate through all kinds of emotional situations. Especially today, when fear, anxiety, self doubt, and uncertainty are more present than ever. How will you be able to navigate through your life if you’re constantly battling with yourself? How much more energy would you have if you allowed yourself the space to navigate through without worry?

This project is not called FEEL DIFFERENT for no reason.

We have created proven and clear processes to help deconstruct all of life’s common inner challenges to allow us to learn explore and live life from a different perspective.

To learn more, check out our self-empowerment through purpose program today.

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Life hacks for powering through any new skill

In learning any new skill, there is a real journey involved. A series of wins, fails, aha moments and pure humility. Even our most talented leaders across any field will share this. No matter the skill level, achievement and growth will take time, patience and consistent dedication. Whether you’re learning a new sport, physical training, or a new software, much of the journey requires a strong mindset. Even in the most rigorous physical training, the mind can be your best supporter or your downfall.

Learning a new skill can be exciting and eager to some, at the same time, daunting and crippling to others. It’s a matter of mindset and self management.

We’ve put together a few practical hacks to help you keep your mind strong and focused through learning any new skill.

BE REAL WITH WHERE YOU’RE AT

The first step in taking on any new skill is to level your mindset to accept that this is new – you’re not going to know everything from the start. You’re likely not going to be naturally gifted at it, you might actually be pretty bad – and that’s perfectly ok. To learn a new skill, you need to remember this and accept it, at least at the beginning, and stay open minded and open spirited to allow yourself to ease into it.

ELIMINATE COMPARISONS / ENCOURAGE COMPETITION

Constantly comparing yourself with other people will never help you grow. There’s a fine line between competing and comparing so be careful and aware of your actions in this area.

Comparison can be unproductive and self-defeating especially when you’re trying to grow at a new skill. Learning something new can be intimidating, especially in a class or any group setting where we tend to look to others as we learn. In this moment of comparison, you might find yourself feeling like you should be farther along in the process. Like you’re falling behind and should be able to keep up. 

The truth is, you are your own person and can only work from where you are right now, at your own speed and at your own conditions. You cannot rush or force yourself to learn quicker, this never works. You need to allow yourself the space to find your own pace at which you can grow. PATIENCE is key.

There will always be somebody better, faster, stronger and more experienced than you are. This is inevitable, so forget it – don’t even think about it. Comparison should be dismissed and replaced with constructive, friendly competition if anything. 

Competition, on the other hand, can be healthy in that it keeps us striving for better. It gives us goals and milestones to accomplish to keep us inspired and engaged to keep growing. It can also be a fun bonding experience to share with a friend or fellow teammate.

THE HEALTHIEST FORM OF COMPETITION IS COMPETING WITH YOURSELF – YOU VS. YOU.

Some of the most accomplished athletes, musicians, artists, leaders of all types note that they stay in competition with themselves. This means, you strive to be at your best and to outdo your former self, to be better than who you were yesterday, last week, last year, etc. Focusing on your own growth and achievements in this way is a great tool for measuring personal progress and keeping you on a continual path forward. It can help you navigate your personal journey with a clear perspective as to how far you’ve come along, what your next goals are, as well as allow yourself to celebrate any wins or milestones you have achieved thus far – this is important in keeping your morale up and to keep yourself engaged.

FOCUS ON YOUR STRENGTHS

Rather than focusing on all the ways you may be lacking – skill wise, ability wise – focus on what strengths you do have. Focus on what you’ve already accomplished. And if you are brand new, focus on the fact that you showed up and are there to learn something new. Many times this is the hardest part, going from the idea phase of something you’d like to try into actually taking the leap and showing up. You made it!

SELF-ACCEPTANCE

Self-acceptance is part of the practice in that you need to mentally be at peace with yourself throughout your journey in order to stay focused – ego aside. This is a strength that comes with focusing on your goals, controlling your mind rather than allowing your pride or emotions to control you. Challenges will come and go but your focus is your grounding point. It’s your inner strength that enables you to power through challenging moments rather than folding under pressure. Your focus and self-acceptance are both important in helping you to monitor your general level of skill so you can best assess what you need to work on most, what you have already learned and what to prepare for next. Placing unrealistic expectations that may be too high for where you are now is a bridge to self sabotage. Grass won’t grow faster because you’re pulling on it. On the contrary, you might uproot it and destroy any progress you’ve made by pressuring yourself too much which is counterproductive. Let yourself breathe and flow through the learning process.

SELF-EMPOWERMENT IS THE REWARD

Learning any new skill is always a step toward self-empowerment. It’s proof to yourself that you can achieve what you set out to do, no matter the size or the seriousness of it. This can be extremely valuable in building your self-esteem and confidence which is essential to living a fulfilled life.

A self-empowered individual, one who is self-aware and practices self-acceptance, allows themselves the time to grow at their own speed, consciously and confidently, without beating themselves up for any challenges or mistakes that come with the process. To achieve this level of maturity is a reward in itself in that, once reached, it can be applied to any aspect of your life.

To learn more about this, please check out our self-empowerment through purpose program or contact me directly for a consultation.

Respectfully,

Orlando Owen

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Conformity and the Facade of Fitting In

Humans by nature are social creatures. There is an innate psychological need for us to belong in some sense or another.

In varying degrees, a large part of life is about finding our place, our community, our tribe, our “home” essentially. Where we fit in.

For some, this can be a lifetime struggle as they move from phase to phase trying to find their place in society but continually falling short and in turn, feeling painstakingly alone, outcast from the outside world.

To avoid these feelings of being an outsider, whether it’s from a series of rejections, from insecurity, or a combination of these things among other social challenges, this can result in a far worse characteristic than simply not fitting in, which is – becoming a complete conformist.

Anyone who conforms their way through life for the sake of “fitting in” is living a facade. And everyone knows it.

Whether people choose to confront the conformist or even say anything to them about their overarching attempts to fit in is irrelevant.

The truth is, people are wise. We read each other even when we aren’t trying, we’re subconsciously studying each other’s behavior, our body language, our tones and our choice of reactions and non-reactions.

Our emotional intelligence is built in and we can always spot a phony.

WHAT’S WRONG WITH CONFORMITY?

You may say something like, “it’s just me going with the flow to be a part of the collective. We all compromise, don’t we?”

Compromise is one thing. We may compromise some of how we speak in a business meeting versus how we laugh and joke in front of our close friends or family. This is more so our way of being savvy in how we function through the many roles we adopt and adapt to in our lives. At the business meeting, you’re not compromising who you are, you are respecting the situation and acting appropriately to it.

The difference between this and conformity has to do with real compromise and real self-sacrifice for the sake of fitting in.

WHEN YOU CONFORM, YOU COMPROMISE YOURSELF – YOUR PRINCIPLES, YOUR VALUES, YOUR BELIEFS, YOUR TRUTH. YOU.

In many cases, it is a split between who you really are and who you pretend to be in order to be accepted. Some people don’t even realize they’re doing it. They are just trying to act “normal.” As if acting normal means just play along and follow blindly in hopes that no one sees any difference between you and themselves.

But what would happen, if you were to start spending less time and energy worrying about what others might think about the real you, and start BEING it?

As I mentioned, the need to belong is normal. This is exactly why we must follow our inner compass, our purpose, our path. This is where you actually meet and build with likeminded people who become your tribe, your community, your collective of people that you actually identify with and can build deep bonds and meaningful relationships with. This is all directly in sync with your life’s purpose.

WHEN YOU’RE LIVING IN YOUR PURPOSE, THERE IS NO NEED TO CONFORM. YOU JUST LIVE AS YOU ARE.

And the people who share their lives with you, are part of it. These are the people you fit in with, because your purpose and truth is identifiable and relatable to theirs.

But the only way to get there is to stop chasing the crowd. Stop discarding yourself and assuming the folks you are so eager to try and fit in with are actually worth any of your time at all. The sooner you can detach from this “need” to fit in, the sooner you can start living your own life and getting closer to your purpose. You need to become aware of the spilt between who you really are and who you’re presenting to the world and why you’re doing it. This can be a challenging truth to face.

Maybe you’re conforming because you feel you’re not good enough. Maybe you’re doing it out of fear of being ostracized. Maybe out of fear of rejection.

Maybe you fear no one will like the real you as the way you truly are so you have to hide in order to fit in with the “winning team,” with mainstream society.

Overcoming these fears is a necessary first step in detaching yourself from the need to fit in and essentially to begin living YOUR life.

Only then will you find people who will love and respect you for who you really are. And the beauty is, you don’t have to seek out to “find” these people. They are there already and are on their own paths that align with yours so you naturally connect as you follow your respective path.

TRUTH FOLLOWS TRUTH.

And true empowerment comes from finding your very own life’s purpose, your own clear intention, and your vision.

Taking this step is easier said than done and requires real self honesty, inner strength and consistent work. Doing it alone can be challenging at best. 

For me to become the man I am today I had to completely detach myself from what I thought I had to be. I’ve been on this journey a long time and developed a program for you to take this essential step.

Check out my program Self-Empowerment through Purpose today and don’t hesitate to reach out with any questions or specific points of interest around this topic via email to [email protected]

So long,

Orlando Owen

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Preserve your Power – Relationships and Masculinity

To build and sustain meaningful relationships as a man, especially romantic ones, you need to know how to stay grounded in your personal masculine power.

Because what keeps a relationship alive is the active balance between masculinity and femininity. Strong men and strong women form strong relationships.

For you to stay in your own masculine power, you need to understand when you are not in your power. You may need to ask yourself questions, such as the following.

  • What is taking you out of your element?
  • What are you or your partner doing that is weakening your grounding?
  • What does it mean to give your power away as a man?

To avoid unnecessary conflict or even risk losing your relationship, understanding the above is essential.

Talking about masculine power, at least in recent times, many men are confronted with the accusation of being toxic. We’ve covered this topic in a different article , but let me tell you this:

TRUE AUTHENTIC MASCULINITY IS EVERYTHING BUT TOXIC. 

It’s part of the modern narrative to shun men for who they are and many rightfully suspect this to be part of a larger gradual agenda to destroy real relationships between men and women, and ultimately dismantle the family unit.

For a relationship to thrive you need a healthy balance of both.

A man, surefooted in his masculinity and a woman, settling in her femininity. Any other dynamic will face serious challenges and is destined to fail. Time and time again, we see it, and personally, I’ve been there many times myself.

I’ve given my power away for years as what I deemed to be sacrificing for my love, and each time was a painfully repeated lesson until I learned what was ultimately a harsh and undeniable truth.

AS A MAN, YOUR MASCULINITY IS FOUNDATIONAL TO ALL OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS, ESPECIALLY THE ONE WITH YOURSELF.

To surrender this or downplay it for anyone, is to devalue your inherent power.

But what does it mean to “give your power away” as a man?

One of the most common examples of this can be seen in frequent acts of self-censorship and overly filtering thoughts, words and actions. Men who do this regularly are not being true to their values or virtues, typically out of fear of being ostracized or not fitting in. Men who constantly censor themselves or alter their opinions so as to not offend other people, especially women, are in turn giving their power away.

Not only does this result in a loss of respect from their partner, their peers, friends and/or family, this does long term internal damage as a loss of self-respect and dignity which can haunt through a lifetime and cause real trauma. As minor as this may seem, a simple compromise of truth or an occasional white lie, it is a habit of dishonesty to oneself and can easily become a learned character flaw if unchecked.

Seeking the approval of women or other men is also a huge red flag. Being in your personal power means standing strong and firm in your own truth, regardless of who’s around.

A true man does not care about being liked or disliked. He leads the way of his calling, his designated path whether others follow or not. He does not seek permission to do what he understands to be the right thing. He just does.

Men being labeled as toxically masculine comes from the misconception that they are disrespectful and reckless, the oblivious alpha bully, disregarding other people’s needs and overstepping their boundaries left and right.

But being secure in your masculinity means you are in control, you’re composed and calmly confident. There is no need to impress others or intimidate them.

You know yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, and function within them accordingly, as well as show respect for other people’s boundaries and personal space.

Losing composure, overstepping boundaries and flexing aggressively intimidating behavior are all signs of a weak, insecure man. A man who is not connected to his true power and therefore tries to compensate by overpowering others.

A MAN CONNECTED TO HIS POWER FEELS NO NEED TO INTIMIDATE OR DOMINATE.

But as long as you’re giving your power away and disconnected from who you really are, you’ll likely fall into this behavior by default, even if you don’t intend to do so. Or, another common behavior is to cower and hide from the world, afraid of what others may think of you.

Don’t you think it’s time to connect to your true power?

To find out what masculine power really means and how you can connect, or reconnect, to it?

If this speaks to you, check out our program page and take this brief assessment to see if our MASCULINE POWER program is right for you.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you.

If you’d like to reach me personally, don’t hesitate to contact me at [email protected]

So long,

Orlando Owen

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Defining Feminine Power in today’s culture

Power in today’s society is often associated with masculine attributes. It is common to see many of our “powerful women” portray an image of life through a masculine lens. In a stereotypical way, much of their “power” is displayed through aggressive behaviors and actions of excess – i.e. excessive materialism, excessive sexual imagery and lewdness.

Traditionally, and with some validity, women have mostly feared that they won’t be taken seriously if they are living in their feminine energy, at least publicly. They harbor the belief that they must act tough or strong like men in order to be taken seriously by society and fellow women.

In truth, the opposite is the reality.

While masculine energy is mostly linear and extremely focused, the power of the feminine is fueled by intuition and being able to read between the lines.

Feminine power is much more subtle than its masculine counterpart but by no means less powerful. It’s just different.

Being connected and living in your feminine power as a woman means you’re connected to your intuition. This allows you to see things many people are unable to see or recognize outside of their pragmatic view.

This undeniable power of intuition is seen in mothers and caregivers who know exactly when something is not right with their kids or loved ones, even when perhaps doctors or other specialists may tell them otherwise. In a mere survival sense, this is a great power.


A woman’s intuition and emotional intelligence enable her to maneuver through difficult life situations with confidence and grace. This is feminine power.

It’s “a mother’s instinct” to care for their loved ones.

In the news and on social media, we are seeing female power in action with strong mothers standing in front of school boards defending their kids and their parental rights. These women are 100% connected to their emotions, they are fully present and willing to fight for their families.

Would you say these women are weak? Would you say they are not feminine?

And while masculine power is striving forward and is often associated with fire, feminine power is receiving and often associated with water.

In a relationship, this means working with each other and trusting one another to make the right decisions for the common bond – the relationship itself. This may mean allowing him, as the man, to lead the way while you support and share the responsibilities as his partner and advisor when needed. Conflict usually arises when both partners are too much in the same energy – in other words, both are trying to lead forward in their masculine, or they’re both leaning too deeply in their feminine role of support and nurture. Naturally, relationships are a balance of both, where feminine and masculine both step up to their respective roles and at times and lead in their own unique ways. The ideal is when both partners allow the other to flow and take lead when needed. In relationships, this is what we call chemistry.

By doing so, both partners are allowing the other to connect to their true power, be it feminine or masculine.

Due to much of the propaganda around the women’s liberation movement as well as more currently, the LGBTQ movement, many modern women and men have become uncomfortable to the point of dissociating with their inherent power.

To learn more about this and to start reclaiming your power, check out our FEMININE POWER + MASCULINE POWER Program which dives deep into both and brings a much needed clarity to our collective state of being.