Tag: self improvement

Posted on by — Leave a comment

Why motivational talk is just talk

If you’re on the journey of self development and self betterment, you’ve inadvertently stumbled upon motivational and inspirational quotes like:

“You can do anything if you set your mind to it”
“You can be whoever you want to be”
“Live every day like it’s your last”

You’ll also see plenty of instructional efforts such as ‘just focus hard enough on your goals, follow a strict plan and you’ll have whatever you’re looking for in 30 days or even less.’

Why does it seem that these things work for everybody, at least on social media, but not you?

What are you doing wrong? Why are you unable to make any real changes for the better? Is there something wrong with you?

Before we dive into this topic, let’s be fully clear. There is nothing wrong with you. The only thing wrong in this context is the approach you’re choosing to get to where you want to be.

In truth, many of these common motivational tactics are not only ineffective for long-term success and fulfillment. They are downright dangerous.

If you follow any motivational speakers or if you’ve been at one of their prime events, you’ve likely experienced a quick spike in motivation and energy. They put you in a high state where you thought you really could accomplish anything you want. But this high typically lasts for a few days at most, if not hours.

After the effects of the motivation boost fade away, you’re left feeling empty and utterly alone again. Possibly feeling worse than you were prior to the ‘motivation’ because now you’ve failed to maintain the high of your quick confidence boost.

As a result, your pathological inner critic – the nagging voice inside your head looking for any way to criticize you – will now have a field day showing you all of your failures, all of your shortcomings, and why you should be ashamed for even feeling like you had a chance to do better. This can be severely damaging to your self esteem, the foundation of your inner life balance.

While the energy and speeches of most motivational speakers do sound good, they really only work for a minority of people. Those of us who are naturally high achievers and belong to the fortunate 5% of individuals capable of pushing themselves to the limit.

But for most of us, forcing ourselves to be motivated, constantly pushing for more and more, is not the path to happiness and fulfillment we’re envisioning. There has to be a different way.

And there is.

I, myself, am not what you’d call a natural born “winner.” I’m just a normal guy who wanted to feel good about myself. Find a job that fulfills me, build a loving and lasting relationship with a woman I love, and contribute to the world in some way.

But neither psychology, nor motivational speakers could offer any real solutions.

I ventured out to find something that actually worked through years of trial and error and endless study. It wasn’t until I turned completely inward that I found what worked. And still works, 15 years later.

I built the first and only proven effective system that provides real life solutions for “normal” everyday people.

To get where you want to be in life, you need a driving force. Something that propels you to do your best every day without draining you of energy. And a simple grocery list of goals and motivational quotes just won’t do it.

Because what happens if you reach one goal? You’ll just find 5 more new goals to achieve without really appreciating what you already have. It’s just the next thing, and the next and the next. Living in the future while neglecting the present.

Typical motivational coaches offer band-aid style solutions at best. You’ll get a patchwork of things that seem like a good solution at the moment, but wear off quickly after short term relief. Underneath, the emotional wound is festering, continuing to hurt, and furthering any real resolve. All the while, eating up your energy reserves and with it, your chances of  making real changes.

In other words, the need to address the root cause(s) of your issues is crucial. Otherwise, there is no chance or change or healing.

At the core of this “cure” is your self esteem.

This is why we at Feel Different specialize in core methods to build self esteem and real confidence. No quick motivation, but deep inner work that you can apply to your daily life for long term change. Real life changes.

To learn more, sign up for our program “Self Esteem for the Rest of Us.”

Posted on by — Leave a comment

Feeling stuck? Get out of problem solving paralysis

If you’re working on your personal development and trying to change your life in any way, shape or form, you’ll encounter a number of challenges. And a lot of problems to solve along the way.

But while you’re trying to solve each and every problem you encounter, there is no change or development happening. Only stagnancy in what I call “problem solving paralysis.”

You’re so focused on all of your so-called problems, you don’t see the bigger picture.

Trying to fix what are typically minor individual issues without ever addressing the underlying root of the actual problem. This is more often than not, an issue of low self-esteem.

And the reason why you’re stuck solving all those problems is very much the same. If your self esteem is low, your pathological inner critic easily dominates your thoughts and encourages you to push harder, work harder and put yourself under massive pressure. And if you’re not able to rise to its expectations, it tears you down even harder. This keeps you in a state of stress, constantly trying to catch up without ever getting one step closer to where you actually want to be.

Inner mechanisms like your negativity bias, which is our natural tendency to focus on the negative and all our problems, play into this pattern as well. And as long as you are unable to recognize these parts of yourself and see them for what they really are, your self esteem will continue to suffer.

In order to overcome and start making real life changes, it requires you to identify your patterns and inner habits, and replace them with conscious, healthy habits.

This will allow you to deprogram the inner negative and rewire yourself from the inside out – with intention.

As Robert Fritz said, “you can get rid of all your problems and still not have what you want.”

The question is, how do you know you’re in “problem solving paralysis”?

Here are some questions:

  • Do you often find yourself in the “if-then” trap? Meaning, do you often tell yourself: If I only had X, then I could do Y. For example, “if I was more confident, it would be so much easier for me to find a new job.” Or, “if I get a raise next month, then I can ask her out on a date.”
  • Do you catch yourself constantly focusing on just the problems in your life?
  • Are you frequently dissatisfied with yourself? Your work? Your life?
  • Do you often beat yourself up for mistakes you’ve made?
  • Do you feel like you’re always trying to catch up?
  • Are you lacking clarity in your life? Feel like your mind and thoughts are often foggy? Easily distracted?

If you answered “yes” to one or more of these questions, you’re likely stuck in “problem solving paralysis.” This prevents you from making any headway in your life. Especially if you’re trying to elevate and evolve onto a deeper life experience. A life with purpose, fulfillment, and meaningful relationships.

You can’t evolve your life if you’re always stuck in your mind trying to solve what you perceive as problems.

It’s exhausting and will only rob you of your energy and motivation. More times than not, it breeds deep frustration to the point of giving up. What’s the point after all? You’re buried in all of these problems with no way out. Right?

No. Giving up is not an option.

The key to escaping this problem solving paralysis is to resolve the issues at their root. This means going inward to your core and building healthy self esteem.

This is your foundation and the root of clearing out a lot of the inner fog that perceives situations as “problems.” Once grounded in a solid, healthy self esteem, these issues tend to become much more in your grasp and controllable. No longer seen as problems, but life circumstances that you can progress through as needed. No stress, no panic. Just parts of life that you can control.

Trying to achieve this on your own can take years, if not decades.

But with the proper guidance of someone who could show you exactly where to “dig” and what to do, you can start seeing improvements in a matter of weeks and/or months.

This is what we do at Feel Different.

We offer you a comprehensive and effective system to build healthy self esteem. We’ve tried and tested every single method we teach, with thousands of successful participants who have transformed their lives in ways unimaginable prior to our programs.

Start making a difference today. Escape your problem solving paralysis and explore our program “Self Esteem for the Rest of Us” today.

Posted on by — Leave a comment

Changing your life and other impossibilities

Change can sometimes feel like an impossible task. Changing things you dislike about yourself, your lifestyle, relationships, a job or career, your location – it’s never easy. But it’s typically for the better as any change requires a certain level of growth.

Unfortunately, our minds will have us think that some things are just set in stone. It’s the way they are. Unshakable. But to make changes in your life, it starts with just a few logical but fundamental things.

The most important place to begin is at your personal foundation, your self esteem. It’s the very core of everything in your life. I said it once and I’ll say it again – self esteem might not be everything, but without it, everything is nothing.

IF YOU’RE SUFFERING FROM LOW SELF ESTEEM, CONFIDENCE CANNOT EXIST.

This is simply because your confidence level is rooted in your level of self esteem. If your goal is to become more confident, your self esteem needs to be your focus. What happens when you don’t feel confident is your pathological inner critic starts warring against you. Tearing you down and bringing your confidence level lower and lower. This doesn’t happen when you are grounded in healthy self esteem.

This leads us to the second most important thing to focus on.
An integral part of building a healthy self esteem is to unmask and transform your pathological inner critic.

YOUR INNER DIALOGUE HAS AN ENORMOUS INFLUENCE ON YOUR DAILY LIFE.

How you act, how you react, how you navigate through life and the choices you make all depend on how much or how little you allow your pathological inner critic to dominate your mind.

Rewiring your inner dialogue to transform your inner critic from a destructive nuisance into a constructive advisor is crucial to making real changes in your life. As a result, the health levels of your self esteem and confidence will become undeniably evolved.

CHANGING YOUR INNER DIALOG CAN LITERALLY CHANGE YOUR FATE IN LIFE.

If change is calling and you know it’s time to take action, this is a beginner’s outline to do so. By no means is this as simple as it sounds. Nor can you attain this by simply reading this article.

Building confidence and finding, or creating, your life’s purpose can seem like a mountainous task which can be intimidating. But rest assured, you can do it.

With the right mindset and proper tools at hand, taking small steps each day that move you closer to your better self are absolutely achievable. This is how it’s done and it’s exactly what we teach and share with our community at Feel Different.

We specialize in self esteem building and life transformation from the inside.
Our methods are practical and accessible to anyone that is willing to do the work – no training or special knowledge is required to join.
Our programs have been tested by thousands of people and proven effective over the span of the past 15+ years.

I welcome you to explore our newest micro course, Your Fate is Not Sealed. It’s an easy to understand guide of practical techniques you can start doing in your everyday life to make the changes you’re seeking to accomplish.  Scan through and feel free to reach me if you have any thoughts or questions.

I wish you the best on your journey to self betterment and I am happy to assist in any way I can.

Please be well,
Orlando Owen

Posted on by — Leave a comment

Self-esteem > Confidence

Have you ever looked at someone and thought, “I wish I could be as confident as this person is in that situation?”

Trying to muster up the strength to be as self assured as the other person, finding the right things to say at the right time, all the while struggling with your inner fears and doubts?

CONFIDENCE IS A QUALITY THAT IS CRUCIAL THROUGHOUT LIFE AND ALL OF ITS CHALLENGES.

When we live confidently, we hardly think about this. But as soon as you’re faced with a lack of it, the sunken feeling of smallness can be painfully undeniable. 

The question is, how you can become confident in such a way that allows you to be sure of yourself in any situation?

Right now, you might feel confident in some areas of your life. Or you may feel confident to just a certain degree. But when faced with a challenge, would you remain as confident as you are now? Would you be sure, and trusting in yourself and your abilities?

This kind of confidence is much more than a mere facade you put on for colleagues, friends or family.

TRUE CONFIDENCE IS ROOTED IN HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM.

It is not the pumped up bravado of “I can conquer the world” type of confidence, but rather a quiet knowing and inner trust that you can handle anything life brings your way. A still and steady calmness that helps you navigate through all kinds of waves and obstacles in your life.

You can have low self-esteem and still be confident on some level. But this confidence is little more than a mask that is likely to fail when tested. Low self-esteem will always undermine your confidence. It will make you doubt yourself. It breeds feelings of unworthiness and lives in your deepest fears and anxieties, bringing them to light at the worst possible moments.

For you to be truly confident and self-assured, you need to nurture a healthy self-esteem.

YOUR SELF-ESTEEM IS THE FOUNDATION FOR YOUR CONFIDENCE.

It influences your individuality and behavior on a fundamental level and in every area of your life. From your relationships to business decisions, to your family and friends. A healthy self-esteem is knowing your true value, your self-worth, and holding yourself in high regard no matter what circumstance of life you may be experiencing. This is paramount for your confidence and for you to start completely trusting yourself.

Never underestimate this connection. Confidence can be like a fair weather friend. It’s right there with you when all is great and you’re feeling good about your life but quickly disappears when any challenges arise.

To build real confidence, you must be grounded in self-esteem. To know your strengths as well as your weaknesses and to accept all of it as parts of you, is to truly know yourself. To truly accept and respect yourself, no matter the circumstance. This is healthy self-esteem. And this is where real confidence lives.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE?

To learn more, please check out our program page and fill out a brief assessment to find which of our programs is best for you.

Posted on by — Leave a comment

Your Accountability is Your Power

Accountability is a loaded word for many people.

Assuming the person accountable is the person who will be blamed and at fault if things fail.

Better to not put yourself in this situation. Better to be free of responsibility and let other people take accountability. Then no one can blame you. You’re safe.

Keeping yourself unaccountable is a weak approach in any given situation.

It’s actually the worst approach you can take when it comes to your own life.

Your accountability is your power.

Commonly, it is the easy route to shift blame for any perceived negativity in your life onto other people and/or circumstances. It’s easy to blame the government, politicians, society, your job, your parents, your past… the list goes on.

And so here you are – stagnant and trapped in this life that you can’t control. And you can bet that nothing will change for a while, if ever. As a consequence, your situation won’t change and you might as well just give up. It’s just the way things are. It’s life.

If this is your philosophy, something you must know is that you are giving away the exact element of yourself that can actually change your life – your personal power!

Taking accountability for your life is a form of power.

Yes, accountability means you’ll be the one accountable for your mistakes, your bad decisions, your failures, and your behavior.

But it also means you are the one in control. You have the power to make changes for the better and to start creating the life you’d like to see for yourself. Your greatest self. This is in your control when you take accountability for your life.

Many people avoid themselves and run from their responsibilities out of fear, laziness, immaturity or a slew of other factors. In hiding, however, they fail to realize that this is their strength – their inner power that is essential to opening the path to their true potential.

For as long as you refuse to take accountability for your life, nothing will change.

You cannot change other people. And changing life’s circumstances is challenging, at best. But you can decide how you react to life. You can change yourself. This is what is in your control. And the more control you have over yourself, the more control you have over your life. This is the power of accountability.

Taking accountability for your life is the most powerful thing you can do. It is the way to reach a true peace within yourself, with your past, your present, and the future you create moving forward. This is what maturity is. It is what responsibility is. It is key to self mastery.

Accountability is fundamental to your life’s purpose because you must be real with yourself.

You are facing your life and the circumstances that come with it and saying: Yes, I am here. This is me. I accept this life as mine – all of it. And I am willing to do the work to make it my best.

As unpredictable and challenging as life can be, especially through our current times of uncertainty, hyper information, heightened stress and panic from the pandemic, there are still ways for each of us to take accountability for our lives.

If you struggle with any of the above, with anxiety, depression or other mental-health issues, accountability can be a breakthrough step to feeling different, and taking control of your life. Let us help.

To start, contact us now at [email protected] – Subject: ACCOUNTABILITY