Tag: low self esteem

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Feeling stuck? Get out of problem solving paralysis

If you’re working on your personal development and trying to change your life in any way, shape or form, you’ll encounter a number of challenges. And a lot of problems to solve along the way.

But while you’re trying to solve each and every problem you encounter, there is no change or development happening. Only stagnancy in what I call “problem solving paralysis.”

You’re so focused on all of your so-called problems, you don’t see the bigger picture.

Trying to fix what are typically minor individual issues without ever addressing the underlying root of the actual problem. This is more often than not, an issue of low self-esteem.

And the reason why you’re stuck solving all those problems is very much the same. If your self esteem is low, your pathological inner critic easily dominates your thoughts and encourages you to push harder, work harder and put yourself under massive pressure. And if you’re not able to rise to its expectations, it tears you down even harder. This keeps you in a state of stress, constantly trying to catch up without ever getting one step closer to where you actually want to be.

Inner mechanisms like your negativity bias, which is our natural tendency to focus on the negative and all our problems, play into this pattern as well. And as long as you are unable to recognize these parts of yourself and see them for what they really are, your self esteem will continue to suffer.

In order to overcome and start making real life changes, it requires you to identify your patterns and inner habits, and replace them with conscious, healthy habits.

This will allow you to deprogram the inner negative and rewire yourself from the inside out – with intention.

As Robert Fritz said, “you can get rid of all your problems and still not have what you want.”

The question is, how do you know you’re in “problem solving paralysis”?

Here are some questions:

  • Do you often find yourself in the “if-then” trap? Meaning, do you often tell yourself: If I only had X, then I could do Y. For example, “if I was more confident, it would be so much easier for me to find a new job.” Or, “if I get a raise next month, then I can ask her out on a date.”
  • Do you catch yourself constantly focusing on just the problems in your life?
  • Are you frequently dissatisfied with yourself? Your work? Your life?
  • Do you often beat yourself up for mistakes you’ve made?
  • Do you feel like you’re always trying to catch up?
  • Are you lacking clarity in your life? Feel like your mind and thoughts are often foggy? Easily distracted?

If you answered “yes” to one or more of these questions, you’re likely stuck in “problem solving paralysis.” This prevents you from making any headway in your life. Especially if you’re trying to elevate and evolve onto a deeper life experience. A life with purpose, fulfillment, and meaningful relationships.

You can’t evolve your life if you’re always stuck in your mind trying to solve what you perceive as problems.

It’s exhausting and will only rob you of your energy and motivation. More times than not, it breeds deep frustration to the point of giving up. What’s the point after all? You’re buried in all of these problems with no way out. Right?

No. Giving up is not an option.

The key to escaping this problem solving paralysis is to resolve the issues at their root. This means going inward to your core and building healthy self esteem.

This is your foundation and the root of clearing out a lot of the inner fog that perceives situations as “problems.” Once grounded in a solid, healthy self esteem, these issues tend to become much more in your grasp and controllable. No longer seen as problems, but life circumstances that you can progress through as needed. No stress, no panic. Just parts of life that you can control.

Trying to achieve this on your own can take years, if not decades.

But with the proper guidance of someone who could show you exactly where to “dig” and what to do, you can start seeing improvements in a matter of weeks and/or months.

This is what we do at Feel Different.

We offer you a comprehensive and effective system to build healthy self esteem. We’ve tried and tested every single method we teach, with thousands of successful participants who have transformed their lives in ways unimaginable prior to our programs.

Start making a difference today. Escape your problem solving paralysis and explore our program “Self Esteem for the Rest of Us” today.

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Changing your life and other impossibilities

Change can sometimes feel like an impossible task. Changing things you dislike about yourself, your lifestyle, relationships, a job or career, your location – it’s never easy. But it’s typically for the better as any change requires a certain level of growth.

Unfortunately, our minds will have us think that some things are just set in stone. It’s the way they are. Unshakable. But to make changes in your life, it starts with just a few logical but fundamental things.

The most important place to begin is at your personal foundation, your self esteem. It’s the very core of everything in your life. I said it once and I’ll say it again – self esteem might not be everything, but without it, everything is nothing.

IF YOU’RE SUFFERING FROM LOW SELF ESTEEM, CONFIDENCE CANNOT EXIST.

This is simply because your confidence level is rooted in your level of self esteem. If your goal is to become more confident, your self esteem needs to be your focus. What happens when you don’t feel confident is your pathological inner critic starts warring against you. Tearing you down and bringing your confidence level lower and lower. This doesn’t happen when you are grounded in healthy self esteem.

This leads us to the second most important thing to focus on.
An integral part of building a healthy self esteem is to unmask and transform your pathological inner critic.

YOUR INNER DIALOGUE HAS AN ENORMOUS INFLUENCE ON YOUR DAILY LIFE.

How you act, how you react, how you navigate through life and the choices you make all depend on how much or how little you allow your pathological inner critic to dominate your mind.

Rewiring your inner dialogue to transform your inner critic from a destructive nuisance into a constructive advisor is crucial to making real changes in your life. As a result, the health levels of your self esteem and confidence will become undeniably evolved.

CHANGING YOUR INNER DIALOG CAN LITERALLY CHANGE YOUR FATE IN LIFE.

If change is calling and you know it’s time to take action, this is a beginner’s outline to do so. By no means is this as simple as it sounds. Nor can you attain this by simply reading this article.

Building confidence and finding, or creating, your life’s purpose can seem like a mountainous task which can be intimidating. But rest assured, you can do it.

With the right mindset and proper tools at hand, taking small steps each day that move you closer to your better self are absolutely achievable. This is how it’s done and it’s exactly what we teach and share with our community at Feel Different.

We specialize in self esteem building and life transformation from the inside.
Our methods are practical and accessible to anyone that is willing to do the work – no training or special knowledge is required to join.
Our programs have been tested by thousands of people and proven effective over the span of the past 15+ years.

I welcome you to explore our newest micro course, Your Fate is Not Sealed. It’s an easy to understand guide of practical techniques you can start doing in your everyday life to make the changes you’re seeking to accomplish.  Scan through and feel free to reach me if you have any thoughts or questions.

I wish you the best on your journey to self betterment and I am happy to assist in any way I can.

Please be well,
Orlando Owen

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Is negative thinking part of our nature?

Each of us has between 60k to 90k thoughts per day.
Most of these are repeated thoughts from yesterday.
And most of these thoughts are negative.

Unless you learn to manage some conscious control over this endless stream of thought, it can easily become a habit which for many of us it is.

THE MAJORITY OF US DEFAULT TO NEGATIVE THINKING.

It’s normalized in our culture to the point of being considered human nature. It’s common for us to see someone who’s being blatantly positive and assume that they’re being fake, putting on an act, or just in plain denial.

So what does this mean? Are we doomed for life? Is our fate sealed into negativity or can we turn it around?

The mind can take a life of its own when unchecked. Most of your psyche and mental mechanisms can work against you, and will typically continue to do so as long as you leave your mind to its own devices. Your pathological inner critic will do everything it can to drag you down (very actively). Our negativity bias, a remnant of our earlier days of surviving by avoiding possible dangers, bad fortune, etc., will steer your focus towards all things negative. And the wonderful concept of neuroplasticity, which is neither good nor bad, has the power to hardwire your brain into negative thinking if you don’t interfere.

Going up against these odds can seem impossible. But what’s the alternative?
Can you afford not to?

Without taking action and awareness against your negative train of thought, you’re allowing self destructive patterns into your life. These include but aren’t limited to deep depression, anxiety, self doubt, lack of energy and motivation, and an aimless life of emptiness.

What can you do to cope with your negative thoughts?
How can you counteract them? And best, rid yourself of the habit of negative thinking?

First you need to know, you cannot get rid of negative thoughts without consciously acknowledging them.
This can be extremely unpleasant and too painful for some. Many people are more comfortable avoiding this and would rather stay in their negativity than even attempt to break the cycle. Others go from this first step of becoming aware of their thoughts straight into victim mentality. This is not where we’re headed.
Please be aware, that in a brief article like this, I can only provide you with some surface points and a rough outline of the process. Explaining all of this in detail requires a more extensive medium and we’re doing exactly that in our programs at Feel Different.

What you need to know about how to counteract your negativity is that first and foremost, you need to become aware of your thoughts and thought patterns.

Becoming aware of when, meaning, in what situations and context do these thoughts most often occur?
Upon recognizing this is when you must redirect them to other, consciously positive thoughts. Defaulting to thoughts of gratitude tends to be a healthy habit to replace the negative.

It’s easier said than done to begin with but with practice and patience, you’ll be able to naturally start intercepting your thoughts and steering them in a healthy direction. Like any habit, good or bad, it takes consistency.

In the long run, this will help you become more confident and self assured in any situation you’re facing. Be it confrontations with friends, family, coworkers, or just in life challenges in general.
You can’t fully eradicate all negative thoughts, that is an unrealistic goal. But you can learn to dismantle and redirect the destructive energy of negative thoughts. You can turn your pathological inner critic into a constructive critic and as a result, change the direction your life is heading right now.

At Feel Different, we will provide you with the practical everyday tools you need in order to do just that.

Fill out this quick survey to see if our newest program is the right fit for you.
Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you have any questions or specific challenges you may be facing.
I’m happy to help.

Take care,
Orlando Owen

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Neuroplasticity at work – rewire and reclaim yourself

It is a common belief that once we reach a certain age, our brain is done developing and our personality, our traits and basically, our fate is set in stone. Unchangeable. We are who we are.

While some traits, like our talents and strengths definitively, are unique for each person, our fate is not.

YOUR BRAIN HAS AN UNLIMITED ABILITY TO REWIRE ITSELF.

To make new connections, new pathways for new habits and thought patterns. This is neuroplasticity and it’s technically why you can change your fate. It’s what enables us to make drastic changes and turn our lives around for the better.

It’s brain science that in its most simple understanding can be described as “what fires together, wires together.”

Neuroplasticity is always at play whether you’re aware of it or not. And while it’s kind of the magical wand to change your fate at any time, it is also the very thing that can keep you locked in place unconsciously and unaware. Life paths that become unchallenging, dull and overly routine, are often directly rooted in your daily thoughts and patterns.

THOUGHTS TURN INTO PATTERNS WHICH TURN INTO HABITS WHICH TURN INTO YOUR LIFE EXPERIENCE.

At least, for as long as you allow it.

To reclaim your life and begin changing your fate, you need to break the thought patterns and habits that do not serve you. The first step is becoming aware of those patterns. Start paying extra attention to your thoughts throughout the day. Try to observe your mind from the outside.

Where does your mind gravitate to when you let it go uncontrolled? Are you easily distracted? How often does your mind tend to ramble? Can you detect a pattern or specific habits in your mind?

Once you become aware of these patterns you can slowly start to redirect your unconscious thoughts and replace them with intentional and healthy thoughts.

This is absolutely necessary for keeping a strong focus. And ultimately directing your life in the way you’d like to see it progress to.

The more often you practice this method of thought control, the easier it will become and your brain will gradually rewire itself.

We are creatures of habit. And those of us who replace unhealthy habits with healthy ones, are typically living more balanced and fulfilled lives.

It can take time – typically 30 to 90 days – but the change is transformational.
Put your neuroplasticity to conscious work and it will reshape your way of thinking and, in turn, reshape your life.

Feel Different specializes in creating simple methods and techniques to help you rewire and transform your life. The surefire way to make change is to get to the root of your issue(s).
In most cases, the root can be found in a series of unhealthy habits, and even deeper, a lack of true confidence and self-esteem. This is our expertise and we’ve helped thousands of people turn their lives around.

To learn more, have a look at our programs page and fill out a brief questionnaire to see if it’s a fit for you.

Take care,
Orlando Owen

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Shifting the focus to your strongest self

We’re all aiming to be the best version of ourselves. It’s a lifelong commitment that can seem like a never ending process of development, which it actually is. There’s no final stop of growing unless of course, we completely give up.

As we continue to grow and learn to better ourselves, we’re constantly shifting our focus to areas of life that need attention.

How can I grow my confidence?

How can I be a better partner? A better friend? A better parent?

What do I need to do to become truly successful?

How can I find and create meaningful relationships?

Many people think it’s a matter of overcoming their weaknesses. And that is what society teaches us which can be very much ingrained in our everyday patterns and routines of thought and action.

Our pathological inner critic paired with our negativity bias focuses our attention on our shortcomings, our obstacles and all the things we’re lacking.

It’s logical to think that what you need to do is to improve in these areas. By becoming better at the things you’re not good at, you’ll eventually become better, period. Right? Not exactly.

As a result of this kind of focus, your energy goes directly to your weaknesses which in turn keeps you in a weaker state. All the while, little to none of your energy is going to your strengths. This is where your true potential lives. As they say, energy flows where attention goes. If all of your attention is on your weaknesses, you risk leaving your strengths to become weak.

And the sad truth is, the majority of people let their strengths fall where they may. Not realizing that this is exactly where they need to spend most of their time, energy, and focus.

The fact is, you can achieve more and grow faster, if you focus on your strengths. This is where your true potential lies and what will help you become more confident and in turn, more successful.

Your strengths are all of the positive attributes you have. The things that come natural to you. This is typically why you may not pay much mind to these things and dismiss them as something normal or unexciting.

But if you shift more of your attention to these parts of you, you’ll see that what comes natural to you, might be a challenge for others around you.

USE WHAT YOU’VE GOT

When you shift your awareness to the positive things you’ve already got, you start cultivating your life and the energy around it. This can help enable you to figure out how to further use your strengths to your benefit. This is the way to set you on your path to your life’s purpose.

Focusing on your natural strengths will keep you in a state of confidence and healthy self-esteem.

The first step in getting there is becoming aware of your strengths.

You can do this by looking at yourself from the outside and giving attention to what comes naturally to you. These may be small things like your ability to stay attentive, being thorough, or being able to see the bigger picture when others focus on the immediate details.

YOUR BEST STEP FORWARD

The challenging step is to cultivate your strengths and talents into something more. It’s common to see naturally talented people fall into contentment or laziness because what they’re naturally strong at, others may have to work hard for. This can be a setback for the talented person, simply because they were granted this strength without having to work as hard. This may lead to bad habits, contentment, lack of awareness, or an overall life imbalance due to overlooking their strengths. The real struggle for this person is in their self-awareness and really seeing their strengths and how they use them to provide value to the world around them.

The key is to control your focus. The more you focus on your weaknesses, the more you feed your lower self which takes from you and adds nothing more than self-doubt, fear, and all of your other limiting characteristics.

Shifting your focus to your strengths however, keeps you on solid ground. In a state of personal power and purpose.

At FeelDifferent we specialize in this. We provide practical methods and guidance to help you remove distractions, overcome toxic thought patterns and habits. We help you clear the way to your best and strongest self.

Explore our program by filling out this quick survey and one our team members will reach out to you.

Warmly,
Orlando Owen

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Exposing Your Pathological Inner Critic

As you navigate through life, there is a common obstacle we all share. It’s an antagonistic part of ourselves which can easily be mistaken as an inner guide and protector from harm. An inside assistant to help us avoid pain, prevent humiliation and to help motivate us.

But its methods and intentions are quite the opposite. This inside voice is actually a hindrance and only serves to limit our life experiences through fear and disempowerment.

Psychology calls this part of yourself your pathological inner critic.

As long as you don’t know how to deal with its destructive nature and how to turn it from your worst enemy into a level-headed friend and advisor, you’ll never find true fulfillment.

WHAT DOES YOUR PATHOLOGICAL INNER CRITIC DO?

It commonly blames you for everything and anything that goes wrong in your life. It compares you to others, their achievements and abilities and will always leave you wanting and yearning for what you don’t have. It sets unrealistic standards and baseless perfectionism, and will continually encourage you to beat yourself up for even the smallest mistakes.

Your pathological inner critic keeps track of all your failures and reminds you of them at any chance it gets. This happens most often when you’re thinking of taking on something new, for example, an opportunity to try and improve yourself. Your pathological inner critic will take this moment to discourage you by keeping you insecure and low. It’ll work its way into triggering you with dark thoughts and feelings of you being inadequate, unfit, incompetent, incapable, ugly, selfish, dumb, weak, etc. And the list goes on.

In addition, your pathological inner critic is an accomplished mind reader and know-it-all. It’ll have you convinced that it knows what your friends, family, lover, colleagues, and even strangers think about you. Once again making you feel inferior, unworthy, unwanted and unloved.

YOUR PATHOLOGICAL INNER CRITIC IS ALWAYS UNDERMINING YOUR SELF WORTH.

For something this commonly domineering and destructive, you’d think it’d be a known crisis among the majority of us.

But the fact is, many people are completely unaware of their pathological inner critic. It is so insidious and woven into the fabric of our thoughts and inner being, many of us are oblivious to it and live in our suffering as if it’s all just a part of life. To a degree, it’s true, it is part of life and is a part of all of us. It’s a part of our subconscious that lives in our weaknesses, in our darker energies, in our lower, subpar selves. It is all still part of us, but our will to accept it and settle for continual suffering is a choice.

And where we have a choice is how we choose to manage it. This is a lot easier said than done.

The self-attacks typically have some underlying truth and justifiable reasoning to them. Just like certain fears we learn come from an underlying wisdom. We learn at a young age not to jump in fire so as to not get burned, for instance.

But your pathological inner critic is persuasive and persistent. It will make you believe that it’s there to protect you. To keep you safe from harm, from getting hurt, or from making a fool of yourself. In truth, and in the long run, adhering to your inner critic will only turn you into the very things you fear. Fear will become you and your basis for life. This is extremely dangerous and limiting to living a quality life experience.

If you want to start living on your own terms, you need to start working toward dismantling the amount of control you allow your inner critic to reign over your mind and spirit. The first and most important step in exposing your inner critic is to become aware of it.

CATCH YOUR INNER CRITIC IN ACTION.

It is most active when you’re facing challenges. When you make a mistake, when you’re being criticized, when dealing with people who are disapproving, when you’re feeling depressed or when you are just simply out of balance with yourself.

Become aware how you feel in these situations. Especially how you feel about yourself. Then carefully listen to how you’re talking to yourself in these situations, or immediately after.

What are you saying to yourself? Most likely it is your pathological inner critic talking.

Remember, its goals are to fulfill basic, primal needs of yours. Either to avoid pain or to motivate you.

But its methods are counterproductive and are far from supportive.

Stop the downward spiral.
Stop your thoughts from spiraling further down by controlling your inner dialog.

To unmask your inner critic, you need to drain it of its purpose and learn to fulfill your own needs in a conscious and intentional way. This requires building healthy self-esteem, as this is your foundation.

And this will allow you to develop a principle vision for your life to function as your motivation, and to drive you through purpose rather than through fear and doubt. This is all fundamental to self-empowerment and to living a life of fulfillment and true potential.

How long can you keep listening to this inside voice as if it’s your truth?

All the while, it continues to rob you of any happiness and peace of mind you can only hope to attain.

How much of your life have you lost to your inner critic so far?
How much more can you withstand?

To learn more about how to start overcoming your pathological inner critic, take a look at our program “Your Fate is NOT sealed”.

Warmly,
Orlando Owen

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The challenge of self-acceptance

Do you ever feel like you don’t fit in? Or, like you aren’t dealing with situations the way a “normal” person should? No matter the circumstance, does it always feel like something is wrong with you?

Let’s take a step back and zoom out for a moment.

In reality, we all struggle with different challenges throughout our lives. Some more, some less. And the experience of beating ourselves up from time to time happens to the best of us.

IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE DAMAGED.

It’s more than likely that your current issues are temporary, they’ll pass in time,  and most importantly, you have the power to change them.

But to do so, you first need to accept, rather than resist. Resistance is where the pain and struggle is. It naturally and unconsciously complicates any situation, big or small. Accepting your current state and whatever your situation is right now is your first step forward. This will help you put things in perspective so you can more clearly see the situation for what it is, start to work through it and soon enough – resolve it.

In short, this is the power of self-acceptance.

IT’S THE KEY TO INITIATE CHANGE IN JUST ABOUT ANY DIFFICULT SITUATION.

The problem is, many people are unwilling or unable to look at their lives honestly. The idea of observing life from the outside and dissecting their issues that way is completely foreign, or just too painful.

In many cases like this, the person is afraid of what they may find if they dig deep enough in their self-reflection. This may deviate from an image they’re trying to uphold, it may conflict with some of their embedded beliefs or traditional ways of thinking, it may even affect some of their real life choices that they might be attached to – ie. relationships, friends, job, etc. It may just be too much to deal with, and easier to just keep going with the way things are. This is just life. Right?

Sure, it is life. And things can remain. But at what cost?

The longer you deny your truth, your self-acceptance, the longer and harder you’ll be conflicting with yourself and any adverse situation that arises. The energy that you could invest into confronting and, in turn, resolving your issues is instead, exhausting itself in a constant battle against your reality. You vs. you.

“But it should not be like this.”

“I should have gotten xyz.”

“He or she should have…”

All the should have, could have, would have of life will haunt you forever if you let it. This does nothing but prevent you from connecting to your inner-self, from accessing your own individual power. This is where your true value lives, in your self-esteem.

The self-avoidance and run around of blaming others sucks up all your energy. And what you resist, persists! This is why, when you do not recognize and resolve a problematic pattern in your life, it continues to return in various ways until you do. That’s, if you do. And if you don’t, it only worsens to the point of permanence which is the breeding ground for much deeper issues.

WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR US TO ACCEPT OURSELVES?

Many people confuse self-acceptance as meaning to be content with life as it is currently. As if it is a way of just saying yes to all of your flaws and to stop trying to improve yourself and striving for a better life.

This is not what self-acceptance is.

Self-acceptance is actually the first step on your journey to building healthy self-esteem and connecting to your own internal and individual power. It’s the beginning of you creating the life you want to live.

Self-acceptance is like pinpointing your location on a map. Looking at what is right now and taking stock of all that is there and your surroundings. Only when knowing where you are on the map can you start planning your next steps to your desired destination.

The same is true for any journey of self-empowerment. You need to be aware of where you are to get to where you want to be. You don’t have to love the spot you’re currently in, but for as long as you’re unwilling to accept it as a step in your journey forward, the efforts to change will be much more challenging.

Self-acceptance means accepting yourself the way you are right now. With all your flaws and issues. With all the things you want to fix, including your desire to become a better person and to continue to change your life for the better.

When practicing self-acceptance, you can begin by saying: “I accept myself with all my flaws and faults. Including my desire to overcome them.”

Remember: this moment you’re living right now is just a snapshot of your life. It’s one moment in time. It is not fixed and your acceptance of it does not make it permanent. It only shows you where you are on the map of your life so you can charter the course to your ideal destination.

If you want to learn more about this and how we help with the fundamental practices of self-acceptance, visit our program “Your Fate is NOT sealed” here. Fill out a brief questionnaire to see if it’s the right fit for you.

If you have any questions or thoughts on this, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me at [email protected]

Warmly,
Orlando Owen

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With or without self-esteem?

Have you ever felt inadequate? Unfit to fill a position at work?
Unable to accept compliments and praise?

Are you selling yourself short? Trying to justify everything you do? Do you feel like you need to put on an act in order to be accepted?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are you’re struggling with low self-esteem.

Why should this concern you?

YOUR SELF-ESTEEM IS YOUR LIFE’S FOUNDATION.

It determines how you perceive and think about yourself. It dictates what you’re feeling, what you’re capable of, and what and who you’re able to attract in your life.

SELF-ESTEEM IS NOT EVERYTHING, BUT WITHOUT IT, EVERYTHING IS NOTHING.

Over the years I’ve encountered the opinion that self-esteem is a bad thing.

That people with high self-esteem are full of themselves, arrogant, often narcissists, and that some people may just have too much self-esteem. Really?

No. There is no such thing as too much self-esteem. Not the way we define self-esteem at FEEL DIFFERENT, and not by its true definition – confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect. In most cases, this opinion is coming from those who are foreign to self-esteem. Who deem it as “fake” behavior because “no one can be that sure of themselves.”

Cockiness and arrogance, on the other hand, are typical tactics to distract and divert the attention from one who may be feeling inferior. A behavior that may also stem from trying to compensate for one’s lack of a certain quality, or a response to intimidation. All are clear symptoms of low self-esteem.

SO WHY SHOULD YOU CARE ABOUT SELF-ESTEEM?

Because self-esteem is power. Literally.

As long as you don’t have it, or very little of it, your life can be a tragic mess.

A seemingly endless series of hopeless situations that you cannot escape. This can come with sabotaging yourself, your relationships and your potential for success on every level. And most of it unconsciously.

Working on your self-esteem means quite simply, working on yourself – as a whole. It’s your foundation.

It’s the beginning of you taking control of your life, your vision of your future, your relationships and your successes. It is self-empowerment at the highest level.

Because your self-esteem lays the groundwork for you living your purpose, passion, and power in life, it is the basis for your self-value, self-respect, confidence and self-trust needed for you to truly experience your life as you were meant to.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, IT IS ROOTED IN YOU. YOUR SELF.

It is not based on how others see you, what they think about you or how much anyone may deem you to be worth. It is how much you accept yourself, how much you believe you are worth. And by that definition, you are the one in control. The sole creator of your fate and future self.

Self-esteem is the immune system of your soul, as Nathaniel Branden says.

If you develop a healthy self-esteem, others opinions, words and actions won’t affect how you feel about yourself. You’ll be able to navigate your life and your decisions with surety and confidence and face anything life throws your way.

Self-esteem is a decision. You don’t have to be at the mercy of your emotions and fears. You have a choice about how you feel.

Unfortunately, many people feel like they don’t have a choice. Like they’ve just been dealt a bad hand in life. They’re not one of the “lucky” ones who just seem to win at life effortlessly. You may know this person, it might even be you.

You may have looked for help, taken advice from “experts,” read best selling self-help books, tried coaching, motivational training, therapy, and in the end nothing stuck. At least not long enough to experience any real life changes.

The reason is simply that those methods ignore the most important factor in the equation: your self-esteem.

And while psychology in particular is great for diagnosing your issue, the practices used are unable to help you build real self-esteem and empower you to start leading the life you know you could be living.

It is adamant you understand the crucial role of your self-esteem for your life and start building a new relationship with yourself.

At FEEL DIFFERENT, we have tested and proven methods to help you achieve a healthy relationship with yourself. This starts with you building your self-esteem and becoming confident in living your own life as your true self.

If this speaks to you, please feel free to fill out this brief survey to see if our program “Your Fate is NOT sealed” is a fit for you.

Don’t hesitate to reach out with any questions or comments. I’m happy to help.

Yours truly,

Orlando Owen

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Breaking the control of the controlling type

Controlling types are common in our society. They’re also a dynamic type as behaviors can range from harmless nitpicking perfectionists to narcissistic know-it-alls to domineering bullies to outright abusers.

With toxic men and women becoming an everyday topic in our culture, there are many controlling types that fall into this category and it is important that we do our best to spot them, understand the causes and learn how we can protect ourselves from any potential issues.

Because of the wide range of severity between controlling types, the cause for such behavior can range in depth as well, but there are some general roots.

THERE IS OFTEN A ROOT OF ANXIETY, DISTRUST AND FEAR OF LOSING

Losing can refer to an opportunity, a career advancement, or a relationship, among various other things.
In the controller’s mind, they can’t afford to allow anyone else to lead the way because that person could very well mess it up and fail completely. This is where the constant control and related behavior tends to stem from in many cases. Controlling types are rarely good team players as they have deep trust issues.

This is where much of the domineering type of controller comes into play. The cliche “mean boss” personality who uses their proclaimed authority to intimidate and control by fear. This can also be seen in unhealthy relationships where one of the partners is domineering and controlling. From the outside, it is clear that this is the behavior of a weak person. A person with low self-esteem, and with little trust in themselves or their abilities so they put the other person down to compensate for their lack of self-value and confidence. It can be someone who sees other people as a threat and is in constant competition with themself and others. Trying to convince themself that they are the dominant one in the room. This person is acting out of fear, insecurity, and often envy.

WHAT CAN YOU DO IF YOU’RE AT THE RECEIVING END OF THIS TYPE OF BEHAVIOR?

As one fundamental rule of life goes, we attract what we are. And this isn’t always directly clear, conscious or literal. But it is an absolute rule of life. And it usually means we’ve got work to do. When you look at your life and see certain negative patterns, it is your inner wisdom telling you that you’ve got to confront the situation and solve it so as to not continue repeating it.

For you, even if you don’t have a domineering bone in your body or any obsessions with control, it can very well mean you’re on the other side of this type of relationship which is something you need to be mindful of and start working through as soon as possible to avoid letting it continue.

If you have a toxic person in your life and you let them treat you as such, it can be assumed that you have invited that behavior into your life one way or another. This could mean you have an issue with standing up for yourself, for not speaking up when you see something wrong, or not leaving a situation when it has become detrimental to you.

At its core, this purely stems from low self-esteem. To free yourself of the situation, you need to strengthen yourself with real courage and confidence to do so. Directly confronting the situation and speaking up for yourself is taking back the power the other person seems to have over you.

This is challenging and can be extremely uncomfortable but it’s mandatory in drawing the line between yourself and the situation. SET BOUNDARIES.

The first and most important step is to take a deep look inward and ask – am I truly valuing myself? Am I living as my best self right now? Does this person really respect me?

If the answer is no or if there is any uncertainty around these questions, you need to urgently check yourself and understand that, though you may be hurting or confused, there is a way out. And the sooner you confront it, the sooner you’ll be free.

Your self-esteem is your empowerment. This is the grounding of your confidence and will enable you to power through this situation and take control over your life.

Our mission and our work at FEEL DIFFERENT is to help you regain your confidence and reclaim your life. To live as your best, truest self. To ignite your passion, live with purpose and become one with your individual power.

To learn more, visit our programs page and fill out a quick assessment to explore which of our programs will be best for you

Respectfully,
Orlando Owen

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Emotional Resilience is Survival

Do you sometimes feel like everything is just too much?
Like the walls are closing in on the cusp of crushing you relentlessly?
No matter how hard you try, you seem to just barely be getting by with little to no progress in your life?
The world has changed drastically over the last few years. Life has become ever challenging and we’re asking ourselves how we will get through it all.

No matter how overwhelming things look on the outside, what matters most is how you think, and how you handle your emotions.

All actions are dictated by your thoughts and your thoughts are what influence how you feel. And how you feel influences your thoughts. It’s cyclical.

Many people don’t get this connection but it’s especially important to be mindful of this in times of deep stress. The need to keep your mental and emotional health in check is most crucial during these moments. A focused mind and relaxed nervous system are fundamental to enable yourself to think clearly and act accordingly without being reactive to whatever the situation may be.

DURING THIS TIME OF COLLECTIVE STRESS, THE NEED TO DEVELOP EMOTIONAL RESILIENCE IS SURVIVAL.

When we allow ourselves to panic or live in a victim state, constantly tormented by fears and uncertainties, the ability to make clear decisions is disabled. This can be stunting to individual growth. People who may be relying on you will pick up on this as well. However, if you learn to overcome your fear and uncertainty, and keep yourself calm and collected, you keep yourself in a state of clarity which is key to leading your own life as well as helping others as they will pick up on this too which will allow them to feel relaxed and at ease.

IT’S NOT ABOUT RUNNING FROM YOUR EMOTIONS OR DISALLOWING YOURSELF TO FEEL.

Quite the opposite. It’s important to be present with what’s going on inside of you and to actually feel without judgement, without harsh reaction or criticism, and without allowing yourself to become overwhelmed.

To be able to handle negative and stressful emotions without suppressing them or being controlled by them is a deep strength that can take a lifetime for some of us to learn, if at all. Without it, it can be crippling and can hinder personal development. People who allow their emotions to control them without making conscious effort to learn otherwise, often become fragile, stuck in a feeling of helplessness, living as permanent “victims” of life and the world around them. Many people like this spend a lot of time complaining, beating themselves up over menial and unimportant things, blame others for their shortcomings, or simply fall into a state of apathy.

On the other hand, those who learn to live mindfully, to be aware of their emotions but not controlled by them, tend to live much more at peace with themselves and the lives they lead. It’s an essential leadership quality to be able to master your emotions and your mind, rather than letting yourself fall victim to circumstance. Life will always bring challenges your way. The sooner you can learn to accept this and develop the ability to stand through these challenges, the better quality of life you will live. Period.

This is a core concept we teach at FEEL DIFFERENT.

To be confident in life, you need to be confident with yourself and able to navigate through all kinds of emotional situations. Especially today, when fear, anxiety, self doubt, and uncertainty are more present than ever. How will you be able to navigate through your life if you’re constantly battling with yourself? How much more energy would you have if you allowed yourself the space to navigate through without worry?

This project is not called FEEL DIFFERENT for no reason.

We have created proven and clear processes to help deconstruct all of life’s common inner challenges to allow us to learn explore and live life from a different perspective.

To learn more, check out our self-empowerment through purpose program today.