Tag: life balance

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With or without self-esteem?

Have you ever felt inadequate? Unfit to fill a position at work?
Unable to accept compliments and praise?

Are you selling yourself short? Trying to justify everything you do? Do you feel like you need to put on an act in order to be accepted?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are you’re struggling with low self-esteem.

Why should this concern you?

YOUR SELF-ESTEEM IS YOUR LIFE’S FOUNDATION.

It determines how you perceive and think about yourself. It dictates what you’re feeling, what you’re capable of, and what and who you’re able to attract in your life.

SELF-ESTEEM IS NOT EVERYTHING, BUT WITHOUT IT, EVERYTHING IS NOTHING.

Over the years I’ve encountered the opinion that self-esteem is a bad thing.

That people with high self-esteem are full of themselves, arrogant, often narcissists, and that some people may just have too much self-esteem. Really?

No. There is no such thing as too much self-esteem. Not the way we define self-esteem at FEEL DIFFERENT, and not by its true definition – confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect. In most cases, this opinion is coming from those who are foreign to self-esteem. Who deem it as “fake” behavior because “no one can be that sure of themselves.”

Cockiness and arrogance, on the other hand, are typical tactics to distract and divert the attention from one who may be feeling inferior. A behavior that may also stem from trying to compensate for one’s lack of a certain quality, or a response to intimidation. All are clear symptoms of low self-esteem.

SO WHY SHOULD YOU CARE ABOUT SELF-ESTEEM?

Because self-esteem is power. Literally.

As long as you don’t have it, or very little of it, your life can be a tragic mess.

A seemingly endless series of hopeless situations that you cannot escape. This can come with sabotaging yourself, your relationships and your potential for success on every level. And most of it unconsciously.

Working on your self-esteem means quite simply, working on yourself – as a whole. It’s your foundation.

It’s the beginning of you taking control of your life, your vision of your future, your relationships and your successes. It is self-empowerment at the highest level.

Because your self-esteem lays the groundwork for you living your purpose, passion, and power in life, it is the basis for your self-value, self-respect, confidence and self-trust needed for you to truly experience your life as you were meant to.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, IT IS ROOTED IN YOU. YOUR SELF.

It is not based on how others see you, what they think about you or how much anyone may deem you to be worth. It is how much you accept yourself, how much you believe you are worth. And by that definition, you are the one in control. The sole creator of your fate and future self.

Self-esteem is the immune system of your soul, as Nathaniel Branden says.

If you develop a healthy self-esteem, others opinions, words and actions won’t affect how you feel about yourself. You’ll be able to navigate your life and your decisions with surety and confidence and face anything life throws your way.

Self-esteem is a decision. You don’t have to be at the mercy of your emotions and fears. You have a choice about how you feel.

Unfortunately, many people feel like they don’t have a choice. Like they’ve just been dealt a bad hand in life. They’re not one of the “lucky” ones who just seem to win at life effortlessly. You may know this person, it might even be you.

You may have looked for help, taken advice from “experts,” read best selling self-help books, tried coaching, motivational training, therapy, and in the end nothing stuck. At least not long enough to experience any real life changes.

The reason is simply that those methods ignore the most important factor in the equation: your self-esteem.

And while psychology in particular is great for diagnosing your issue, the practices used are unable to help you build real self-esteem and empower you to start leading the life you know you could be living.

It is adamant you understand the crucial role of your self-esteem for your life and start building a new relationship with yourself.

At FEEL DIFFERENT, we have tested and proven methods to help you achieve a healthy relationship with yourself. This starts with you building your self-esteem and becoming confident in living your own life as your true self.

If this speaks to you, please feel free to fill out this brief survey to see if our program “Your Fate is NOT sealed” is a fit for you.

Don’t hesitate to reach out with any questions or comments. I’m happy to help.

Yours truly,

Orlando Owen

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There is no “Us” in Isolation

Why are we more isolated than ever? Is it by choice?

Even prior to the 2020 pandemic, our level of isolation and distance from each other has been the norm for some time now. Is it social media? Internet culture? Streaming services?

ARE WE HAPPIER AT A SOCIAL DISTANCE?

With people living virtually and vicariously through a screen, the “need” to actually connect with others in real life has taken a downturn.

Where has this led us to?

According to the stats – plenty of suffering.

From deep loneliness and depression, to social anxiety and panic, to excessive drug and alcohol consumption, to complete emotional disconnect and apathy, to increased suicide rates. It’s all of this, and then some. 

ISOLATION IS THE NEW NORM.

How can it be that you can feel completely alone in a roomful of “friends”? Why are we indifferent to connecting and committing to other people in real life? And does it matter?

By nature, we are social beings. We have an innate need to connect with our fellow individuals. Even the most introverted of us have an inner need to connect, to relate with others, so be it, a select few. Personal connection and relationships are crucial to our well-being. Our individual health is rooted in our ability to connect with others and form balanced, meaningful relationships. This is why we begin socializing children even before they can speak coherently. The importance of sharing, relating with one another and connecting is essential to our growth. And this doesn’t stop in adulthood.

As adults, some of us may not make an effort to meet as many new people or be as social as we once were, but the need to relate and connect with each other is just as important nevertheless. The hazard of isolation is that there can be such a thing as too much time alone. This can lead us to essentially live inside our minds, our own personal bubble, and lose a sense of reality outside of this space. On the other hand, there is also a danger in spending too much time socializing and not enough time in seclusion whereas one may lose themselves, their own thoughts and energy, in the act of exhausting it with others.

ISOLATION AND TIME TO SELF-REFLECT IS IMPORTANT, BUT THERE MUST BE A BALANCE OF BOTH – TIME TO SECLUDE, AND TIME TO SOCIALIZE.

It is fairly typical for us, especially as adults, to struggle with this balance which inadvertently affects our relationships. In this time of collective isolation, it is important that we stay cognisant of this and make an active effort to maintain our ability to connect with others, as well as nurture our existing relationships.

If this is something you are currently experiencing, visit our program page under RELATIONSHIP BUILDING + CORE VIRTUES. We have an immersive section that deals with the balance of self maintenance and relationship building with many core principles around this that are sensible and practical in applying to your life.

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Masculine Power vs. Feminine Power

At their core, masculine power is very different from feminine power.

However, society will lead us to believe there is only one kind of power – the masculine. In a historical leadership context, this may hold truth as the majority of leaders have indeed been men. The interpretation here could be that a woman must learn to become strong like a man, or masculine, to succeed, to lead, to be taken seriously in life, and to become powerful.

The opposite is actually true. Our image of what being masculine or feminine is, has become distorted by false imagery and agenda driven propaganda to the point of mass confusion. It’s understandable that our perception is unclear as to what masculine power and feminine power is and how they differ, but this doesn’t make it acceptable.

Our stereotypical viewpoint of being feminine as a woman, for example, is associated with being submissive, timid, weak, conditioned to be nice, tame and proper.

On the contrary, the real strength of a woman lies in her feminine power which is completely disarming through grace, composure, and strong will.

A feminine woman is independent and strong, connected to her truth, relaxed in her being, and confident in her purpose.

She knows her self-worth, is unwavering in her word and follows her immutable intuition to help lead her through her life’s path.

A man that is connected to his masculine power has a strong sense of his reality, stands behind his principles, and has a clear purpose in life.

He knows his path and will follow his purpose, with or without a crowd to support him. He is a true alpha. A leader of his own destiny.

A domineering man, on the other hand, is almost the exact opposite of a true alpha. He is insecure and disconnected from his true source of power, therefore he needs a crowd of others around him for constant support, ego boosts, and he typically insults others to feel superior. This energy is destructive and in no way reflects authentic masculine power.

One way to test and measure the levels of authentic masculine power and feminine power is to observe one’s romantic relationship. If the woman plays more of the dominant role in the relationship, there is a good chance of imbalance whereas she is stripping her man of his masculine power, thus leading him to be the submissive one in the relationship. The roles are reversed in terms of a traditional dynamic where the man is generally the dominant and the woman is the submissive.

The same applies for men who give away all of their power in their relationship. If the man is constantly trying to appease his woman, putting her and her needs above his own, and making her the center of his entire life, he’s living in a codependent energy. He’s playing the feminine which puts her in position to lead as the masculine energy in the relationship.

To be clear about the above examples, there is naturally a varying balance between both. It’s rare in any substantial relationship where one completely dominates and the other completely submits in every aspect of their relationship. The examples are to help differentiate between true masculine power and authentic feminine power.

In conclusion, no one in either scenario is connected to their own inherent power, masculine or feminine. Relationships like these are operating from an unnatural root and most commonly fail and destruct quickly, or only sustain to become codependent or abusive.

If you want to connect to your personal power and live in your greater purpose – men, you must learn to connect to your masculine energy – and women, you must learn to connect to your feminine energy. It’s inherent and it’s imperative.

THERE IS NOTHING EVOLVED OR PROGRESSIVE ABOUT DISMISSING YOUR MASCULINE OR FEMININE POWER.

Learn to embrace it, nurture, and share it with your loved ones and the world around you. Start living life as your true, authentic self.

Contact us today to learn more about our programs on Masculine Power and Feminine Power. Email [email protected] and type “Masculine Power” and/or “Feminine Power” in the subject line.

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Strong Relationships Require Strong Individuals

Observing relationships in today’s society, you’ll notice a common theme: a lack of fulfillment and true happiness. Breakups and separations are everyday, and divorce rates continue to skyrocket.

With a simple online search, you’ll find tons of relationship advice and tips on how to improve your relationship. But the real issues are not being addressed.

It’s rarely about what you do or don’t do, or how you treat your partner.

Your actions and thoughts are mere symptoms of much deeper issues.

It’s about who you are and who you wish to be, consciously or not.

You need to understand that for your relationship to not only “function,” but to thrive and grow with a healthy sense of fulfillment, you and your partner need to both be strong individuals.

Strong women and strong men form strong relationships.

Yes, there will be phases where one of you takes the lead as the stronger person while the other is struggling, and vice-versa, this is normal and natural, as are the dynamics of life. But the overall relationship balance is of two strong people supporting each other, growing individually and together, and progressively working together to build a strong bond throughout their shared experience.

Unfortunately, our society keeps us simplified and stereotyped in a constant battle where men are the patriarchswho only want to suppress women and exploit them in various ways as the weaker sex. And because this has been embedded in our culture as the traditional way of thinking for most of history, men now need to be put in their place. It’s time for women to take over and even out the playing field. In other words, revenge and spite.

Men and women are now in a nonstop entanglement of war where no one can win.

And with relationships, it’s about balance – two individuals doing their part to keep it strong and healthy.

If one partner is determined to rule and overpower the other, there is no real balance and the relationship is doomed to fail.

We need strong men, real men, and strong women, real women, to build and maintain real bonds with each other for strong relationships to thrive. A relationship should never be about sacrificing one’s individual power for the other, or lowering oneself for the relationship to exist. That’s more of a codependency than a relationship.

Both individuals must continue to grow, develop and maintain their inner power. And with their bond together, agree to share their personal power with each other which is a combined power that is their RELATIONSHIP.

If you enter into a relationship with this mindset, you’ll find it much more fulfilling to you and your partner, where you are mutually agreeing to work toward this, the greater whole for both of you. To strive to be your best selves, and share your best with each other – rather than the typical surface agreement of monogamy, commitment, and a general “promise to love.”

In a strong relationship, you and your partner continue to grow stronger – TOGETHER. And a strong couple is able to face the world and its challenges together as a collective whole, rather than going it alone.

What is a strong man? What is a strong woman?

A strong man is connected to his masculinity. He is principled and knows what it means to be a man. He stays true to his virtues and values, and will stand up for himself and his loved ones in the face of wrongfulness.

A strong woman is rooted in her femininity. She is confident and comfortable in her womanhood. She is caring, naturally nurturing, strong in her principles and will protect the health of her family and loved ones. The power of the feminine may appear to be more subtle than masculine power, but this is like comparing water to fire. Each is vastly powerful and not to be underestimated or undervalued.

Over the course of the last decades, I’ve worked with thousands of women and men to reconnect to their individual power. Dismantling the narrative of modern society that continually attempts to divide men and women and keep us at war with each other. To disconnect us from our real power, our masculinity and our femininity, is to truly defeat us at our core. For survival, this is key to understanding the importance of preserving and strengthening our individual powers as men and women.

It’s in your hands to decide what your future relationship will be.

By embracing your natural masculinity or femininity, you empower yourself and your partner to share a life together as your best selves. And this is what healthy, strong and fulfilling relationships are made of.

Is it a journey? Absolutely. One we must stay strong and in our individual power to maintain, and to share. To learn more about our upcoming events and programs, join our email list by clicking here.

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Unlearn Your Way to Your Purpose

Independent thought is the one thing we are taught to unlearn in the current education system.

This systematic unlearning of individuality and critical thinking has been institutionalized in our schools for decades and the massive impact on our children’s lives, particularly on their mental health and self-esteem, is undeniable.

More kids than ever before are being (mis)diagnosed with ADHD, learning disorders, depression, and anxiety, and are being prescribed a number of medications for these so-called illnesses that are oftentimes, an indirect remedy for taming a child that is “out of line” with the rest of their class.

When a child speaks up, questions what they may not believe as fact, or just stands out as someone with disobedient behavior, the school system is quick to punish and will typically report this to their parents as a problem that should be tended to.

The lesson here to young people: Don’t get out of line. Don’t ask questions. Don’t act out. Curb your curiosity and inquisitiveness. Just listen and learn. Or else.

This seems to be a common theme in modern times. As we do not only see this in the education system but also regarding the current Covid-19 pandemic.

Just be “normal” and comply.
And if it doesn’t fit, force it.

This approach not only shuts down our children’s healthy curiosity and individuality. It also tells them their passion and search for their purpose, is abnormal, an illness that needs to be cured. It teaches kids that their inner fire is dangerous and needs to be contained and extinguished to prevent it from growing.

If you step out of the line, there must be something wrong with you. If you can’t concentrate or sit still like “the rest”, there is something wrong with you. If you could just be like everyone else, you’d be ok. So, it must be you who is wrong. You are the problem. And we need to fix it.

This is how a deep and fundamental fear of “not being good enough” is instilled in you, your children, and their friends. Self-doubt and a fundamental mistrust in yourself are weaved deep inside your mind and spirit.

And this is the norm. A perfect breeding ground for anxiety and low self-esteem to thrive.

These issues can become deeply embedded in us, and for many, reflect negatively throughout each aspect of our lives. The impact of how we face, or don’t face challenges in our relationships and/or in our professional lives. This lack of self-esteem and individuality can determine how much or how little we actually control our own story in this life.

If you let the system overrun your life, if you allow it to instill the thought of wrongfulness in your children, how can you have any authority over your own path? How can you truthfully honor and serve your own life’s purpose, and even more, teach your children to live theirs?

Thinking for ourselves is one of our highest fundamental powers that no institution, person, or authority should have control over. It’s an individual, human right.

Nourishing a healthy curiosity and passion for your life is vital for your mental health and the mental health of your children.

In my introductory e-book “Lose Your Story, Live Your Life” I touch upon many points that will help you to start unlearning these patterns of self-denial. You’ll find practical points of guidance that you can implement now into your daily life to begin understanding and reclaiming your own personal power, your innate passion, and your individual purpose in life.

Click here to claim your free copy now.

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Keeping Your Relationship Strong Through The Pandemic

The first thing to suffer during a pandemic, besides your health, is your close relationships – particularly, your romantic relationship.

While the outside world shuts down, it’s easy for us to slip into destructive patterns and habits as a means to cope and comfort ourselves. Combine this with being cooped up together with your significant other in a single home or apartment with nowhere to go, increased feelings of claustrophobia, crowdedness, and anxious panic can become overbearing. Given the circumstances, this is unfortunately quite common.

So what can you do to keep your relationship healthy and strong through the pandemic?

The foundation for a healthy and happy relationship is self-esteem. Strong men and strong women form strong relationships.

Your mental health, and by extension your self-esteem, will be one of the first things that are challenged during a pandemic.

The feeling of being “stuck” at home, frustrated by the limiting circumstances, restrictive rules and the uncertainty of it all, our inner strengths and core selves are bound to be out of balance unless we maintain a grounded foundation of self-esteem and focused perspective.

Patterns directed to the outside world as well as directed to your inner world, meaning your thoughts and feelings and/or your actions towards your partner, should be as clear and intentional as possible.

It’s easy to act out your frustration on your partner. Getting angry with him or her over insignificant differences or projections, can turn into a damaging pattern if you do not recognize and put it to a stop.

Pent up anger and negative feelings can explode into destructive fights and arguments that can cause long term harm to your relationship if you are not careful. It is in these situations of extreme discomfort and challenge that our relationships are tested the most.

One important practice to keep constant in your relationship during a pandemic is to concentrate – not on your partner or your relationship itself – but on your mental health and your self-esteem.

If you’re feeling anxious or depressed, occupied with worries, fears and negative thoughts, you won’t be able to support your partner through these hard times. You cannot put the burden of your struggles wholly on your partner, as your partner is likely struggling as well.

It is best to keep a regular exercise of self-reflection and inner diagnosis at signs of frustration, anger and discomfort. If you feel any of the above starting to occur, it is best to step back and look inward to find the root of what is happening inside. In many cases, we project our frustrations onto our partners because we are ill equipped to take the responsibility of working through the pain of the moment, so it manifests into an argument or a bickering match of little to no significance. These types of occurrences tend to continue to happen until we do the work of looking inward and dissecting our issue(s) rather than reacting.

Learning how to overcome your mental struggles and manage your own mental health is responsible and empowering. It allows you and your partner to lead a strong and bonding relationship through the pandemic, as well as through other challenging circumstances. The ability to stand together and support each other as a couple is a powerful force to continually nurture and maintain.

As they say, relationships are work, but when they do work and they are healthy and strong, outside circumstances stand little to no chance of harming them through even the toughest battles.

This pandemic has been a challenging battle to say the least. Many couples have broken apart, and divorce rates have increased significantly. Depression, anxiety, insecurity and panic have all been commonplace since the pandemic began and they continue to increase. Your relationship is being thoroughly tested and is at stake of bonding or breaking. This is where you and your partner need each other most.

To support and strengthen each other and your relationship requires a great deal of self-strength, self-support and self-management.

There are many practical ways you can start managing your mental health and nurturing your inner strength, your passion and your purpose that will lead you and your partner through this pandemic.

Part of my e-book “Lose Your Story, Live Your Life” is instilling basic principles and actionable practices to help you guide through this.

Get your free copy now by clicking here.