Tag: inner self

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The Cure for Imposter Syndrome

Searching the web, you will find an abundance of articles about imposter syndrome. Various attempts to define what it is exactly, and more importantly, what causes it and how to cope with it.

Like other mental health conditions that vary in degree of seriousness such as depression or anxiety, there is no absolute cure for imposter syndrome. Nothing in modern medicine or psychology will enable you to completely rid yourself of it. Much of it being an internal battle, the ability to cope with it, and ideally, disallowing it from hindering life, is very much up to the individual. There is no one size fits all.

WHAT IS IMPOSTER SYNDROME AND HOW DO I KNOW IF I HAVE IT?

Imposter syndrome can be defined as a deep feeling of inadequacy, of “never being good enough.” Many have described it as constantly feeling like a phony or a fraud. This can apply to various situations and aspects of life. For instance, someone with IS may feel they are unworthy of a promotion at their job, unsuited to receive a higher salary, undeserving of relationships with people that are “better” than them. And this can range from personal life to professional life which it is quite common to affect both.

People suffering from IS are often living in a state of constant anxiety. They truly believe they are not competent as others believe them to be, even when there is encouragement around them and plenty of proof of their competence.

THE OVERBEARING FEAR OF BEING EXPOSED AS A FRAUD IS ALWAYS LOOMING.

A common trait of someone with imposter syndrome is to overwork, obsessively, to try and compensate for their internal inadequacy. They are typically “workaholics” who are never completely finished or happy with their work. They tend to fixate on flaws, disguise it as perfectionism, and won’t allow themselves to ask for help out of fear of appearing weak or incompetent. There is a constant need to compare themselves, or their work, to others, which is never good enough, further “proving” their inferiority and unworthiness. The internal voice repeating “You’re not ready. You have a lot more to prove. They are way better than you are at this. Do you really think you’re good enough?” And on and on the pathological inner critic continues.

Modern psychology claims the causes for these symptoms to be your personality, your upbringing, a change of work environment or social anxiety. While none of this is inherently wrong, the root cause of imposter syndrome is commonly much deeper.

HOW IMPOSTER SYNDROME AFFECTS YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

Imposter syndrome is, at its core, a manifestation of real self-doubt, deep fears of inadequacy, and truly negative core beliefs. The dominant feeling of never being worthy will not allow the functional space for healthy experiences of love, gratitude, attention or presence to live and flourish. As a result, any potential for a substantial relationship is sabotaged. This goes for friendships, romantic relationships and business relationships.

There simply is no room for real relationships as long as imposter syndrome is thriving.

At the heart of it, imposter syndrome is the controlling and maniacal inner-voice of extremely low self-esteem. It is the painfully harsh living proof of how low self-value and lack of self-worth can limit a person’s life experience. To live with IS unchecked, is to live inhibited and as a victim of self-driven fear.

As noted above, there is no direct cure for imposter syndrome. But this does not mean it can’t be unlearned and avoided.

To overcome imposter syndrome, it requires real self-analysis. Reflecting on and directly facing your inner fears, doubts, and traumas. It’s about identifying these individual pain points and understanding them, so you can learn what triggers them and start to prevent them from triggering you into your smallness of IS and all of its fears and doubts.

This is the first step forward. Once you begin to make peace with these internal issues that are blocking you from growing, you can then start to clear the way for your true self to shine through.

THE IMPOSTER CANNOT SURVIVE THE REAL YOU. 

Taking the necessary steps to LIVE your life’s purpose with intention, vision and, in turn, your self-empowerment – this is the true “cure” for imposter syndrome.

Check out our programs page to learn more about our SELF-EMPOWERMENT THROUGH PURPOSE program. Fill out the brief assessment to see if this program is a good fit for you.

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Have relationships lost their value?

Have relationships lost their value?

And are we better off without?

With current divorce rates higher than ever, people becoming more and more non-committal, our friendships resorted to a text or a social media “like,” and the majority of online dating now being gamified to the point of casual sex at best.

This seems to be the direction we’re going if we haven’t already arrived.

REAL RELATIONSHIPS TAKE EFFORT

Is this the problem? Does the reward outweigh the work?

It takes real effort to build substantial relationships. You need to fully participate and actually put yourself out there. You need to share yourself. What you think, feel, observe, listen to, watch, what makes you tick – all of this is important.
And sharing it with those you care about, or seek to build a connection with, is part of the exchange. It requires honesty and vulnerability. Sure, it may be easier and more comfortable to type out your feelings and thoughts, edit them to perfection, and then send them off via text to your friend, or your potential love interest. And this is everyday communication. But to build a deeper bond, a meaningful connection with someone, you must allow yourself to BE. To be YOURSELF. And to be ok with sharing your real thoughts and feelings, in real time, with another individual while they share theirs with you.

There is a true magic and invaluable beauty that shines through these moments of genuine sharing. A strong force of energy and chemistry can spark between two people during the experience. This is what we hope to find when putting ourselves out there with a potential partner, as well as with friends and associates.

By doing so, however, you are making yourself vulnerable which can be scary in that you may be faced with a situation that brings up your insecurities and self-doubts. It may trigger a fear of being inadequate. Of not being good enough, smart enough, attractive enough, funny enough, strong enough, etc. Not enough – period. The fear of possibly being uninteresting to them, a turn off, or simply not being worth their time or company.

This can be frightening if you’re not in a balanced emotional state or mindset.

But the truth is, to build any meaningful connection with anyone, you need to be yourself. You need to be honest and present with yourself and the other person. It is an energy exchange that requires truth and attention.

The more you give, if the connection is right and genuine, the more you will receive.

And even if it happens to be a mismatch. A person that you just don’t click with or end up sharing a connection with that you desire. By you being your true and honest self, this will more quickly determine the outcome. The more you approach any potential relationship as yourself, the more you strip away much of the unnecessary “acting” and deciphering what’s real and what’s not. This helps you both in getting to the point of whether you actually want to build something with this person or not, and vice-versa.

There may be moments of discomfort in this but it’s much better and requires much less time and energy than putting on an act of “your best self” until you can’t any longer, only to discover that you aren’t even interested in pursuing a potential relationship with this person.

HOW CAN YOU CONNECT WITH ANOTHER PERSON IF YOU’RE RARELY CONNECTED WITH YOURSELF?

Presence is everything, and many people are anywhere and everywhere but here and now. Our fast-paced rush culture and omnipresent virtual lifestyle makes it harder for us to stay connected to ourselves. We’re rushing from one place to the other, from one relationship to the next, with no time to reflect on us, on what we truly want and need.

The deeper the disconnect with yourself, the harder it is to connect to other people.

Connecting with yourself isn’t easy and shouldn’t be put on the backburner as something you’ll do when you can spare some time. It takes consistent effort and honest work. It means self-examining, facing your fears, doubts, insecurities and imperfections. Analyzing your life, past and present, to help enrich your current relationship with you, as well as with others.

Without this inner presence of being connected to your true self, your ability to build and sustain any substantial relationships will be limited at best. This applies to romantic relationships, friendships, as well as business relations.

If you want to discover how to actively build more meaningful relationships in the future and strengthen your existing ones, visit our program section and see if it’s the right fit for you.

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Masculine Power vs. Feminine Power

At their core, masculine power is very different from feminine power.

However, society will lead us to believe there is only one kind of power – the masculine. In a historical leadership context, this may hold truth as the majority of leaders have indeed been men. The interpretation here could be that a woman must learn to become strong like a man, or masculine, to succeed, to lead, to be taken seriously in life, and to become powerful.

The opposite is actually true. Our image of what being masculine or feminine is, has become distorted by false imagery and agenda driven propaganda to the point of mass confusion. It’s understandable that our perception is unclear as to what masculine power and feminine power is and how they differ, but this doesn’t make it acceptable.

Our stereotypical viewpoint of being feminine as a woman, for example, is associated with being submissive, timid, weak, conditioned to be nice, tame and proper.

On the contrary, the real strength of a woman lies in her feminine power which is completely disarming through grace, composure, and strong will.

A feminine woman is independent and strong, connected to her truth, relaxed in her being, and confident in her purpose.

She knows her self-worth, is unwavering in her word and follows her immutable intuition to help lead her through her life’s path.

A man that is connected to his masculine power has a strong sense of his reality, stands behind his principles, and has a clear purpose in life.

He knows his path and will follow his purpose, with or without a crowd to support him. He is a true alpha. A leader of his own destiny.

A domineering man, on the other hand, is almost the exact opposite of a true alpha. He is insecure and disconnected from his true source of power, therefore he needs a crowd of others around him for constant support, ego boosts, and he typically insults others to feel superior. This energy is destructive and in no way reflects authentic masculine power.

One way to test and measure the levels of authentic masculine power and feminine power is to observe one’s romantic relationship. If the woman plays more of the dominant role in the relationship, there is a good chance of imbalance whereas she is stripping her man of his masculine power, thus leading him to be the submissive one in the relationship. The roles are reversed in terms of a traditional dynamic where the man is generally the dominant and the woman is the submissive.

The same applies for men who give away all of their power in their relationship. If the man is constantly trying to appease his woman, putting her and her needs above his own, and making her the center of his entire life, he’s living in a codependent energy. He’s playing the feminine which puts her in position to lead as the masculine energy in the relationship.

To be clear about the above examples, there is naturally a varying balance between both. It’s rare in any substantial relationship where one completely dominates and the other completely submits in every aspect of their relationship. The examples are to help differentiate between true masculine power and authentic feminine power.

In conclusion, no one in either scenario is connected to their own inherent power, masculine or feminine. Relationships like these are operating from an unnatural root and most commonly fail and destruct quickly, or only sustain to become codependent or abusive.

If you want to connect to your personal power and live in your greater purpose – men, you must learn to connect to your masculine energy – and women, you must learn to connect to your feminine energy. It’s inherent and it’s imperative.

THERE IS NOTHING EVOLVED OR PROGRESSIVE ABOUT DISMISSING YOUR MASCULINE OR FEMININE POWER.

Learn to embrace it, nurture, and share it with your loved ones and the world around you. Start living life as your true, authentic self.

Contact us today to learn more about our programs on Masculine Power and Feminine Power. Email [email protected] and type “Masculine Power” and/or “Feminine Power” in the subject line.

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Are feminine women weak?

Masculinity and femininity are both stigmatized in our culture. Masculinity in men is largely characterized as being toxic and domineering, while femininity in women is synonymous with being submissive, weak and dependent. In other words, women can easily be viewed as secondary in our patriarchal society.

But are feminine women truly weak? Are they deemed less “powerful” than men by way of birth?

As ridiculous as this may sound, in many ways it is what our social programming and cultural conditioning teaches us from a young age on through adulthood.

With the toxic masculinity narrative that is now mainstream and fully embedded into our language and acceptance, this can be seen as a way to soften and tame men, shaming them from their inherent masculine power.

If this is the case with masculinity and where we’ve allowed it to devolve to, where does this leave women in regard to femininity?

ARE WOMEN  REALLY CONNECTED TO THEIR TRUE AUTHENTIC POWER IN OUR SOCIETY?

In modern times, a woman who looks up to her husband and is the essential “follower” in their relationship is frowned upon in society. She’s secondary, an assistant to the “man in charge.” Someone you do not take seriously.

On the contrary however, for a relationship to work, there must be a follower and a leader. In a healthy relationship, this dynamic often varies and shifts per the responsibilities of the relationship. For instance, the husband may lead he and his wife toward their financial responsibilities and goals, while the wife may lead the way of their family and child rearing decisions.

Does this mean the “follower” in the relationship is powerless, or inferior? Not at all, it’s quite the opposite.

As an analogy, if you look at couple dance, specifically ballroom dance, you’ll quickly see that it takes both people to play their parts for the dance to be harmonious. It’s an act of true partnership as both parts are equally important. Without one, the other would not exist.

The same principle is valid for relationships. There cannot be leaders alone. Leaders need followers in order for things to progress. Leadership and followership are very much parallel in the way of the femininity and masculinity dynamic. And beyond romantic relationships, much of this can be applied to friendships and business relationships as well.

IN THE FLOW OF NATURE, MASCULINITY AND FEMININITY BALANCE EACH OTHER. WE NEED BOTH.

Learn more about our Feminine Power and/or Masculine Power programs by reaching out to us via email at [email protected]

Write “FEMININE / MASCULINE” in the subject line.

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Masculinity doesn’t happen on its own

Part of the hero’s journey is to live for a greater purpose than ourselves. For men, pertaining to masculinity, this involves sacrificing our boyish ways and our self-serving desires to create space for our greater selves to grow and thrive. This is what we refer to as our MASCULINE POWER, our nature-given strength and energy, meant to serve, not only our immediate circle (family, friends, etc.), but also in a universal sense, to contribute to the greater whole as a member of society.

MASCULINITY IS ESSENTIAL TO THE BALANCE OF OUR HUMAN EXISTENCE.

In our current times and for decades now, masculinity has been tainted and is at deep risk of being lost completely through stigmatization and consistent propagandized demonization, primarily by the left. The term “toxic masculinity” has been coded into our language and cultural mindset so deeply mainstream that now, a man that shows any sign of masculinity is mocked and/or dismissed as being “toxic.” This puts our men in fear and in a state of shame for just being MEN.

This is very dangerous and, in a strategic power play, can be seen as a global weapon being used to dismantle our country’s power and to ultimately destroy our society by knocking us completely out of our natural balance. As they say, it starts at home.

If our boys are not being taught or initiated into manhood, and are actually being discouraged from it, where will this leave our men?

To learn more about how to embrace, nurture and support masculinity, for yourself or for someone you know, contact us here ([email protected]) and type the word ‘MASCULINE’ in the subject line. Someone will reach you shortly.

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Imprisoned By Anxiety, Overpower Your Fear

The world is a dangerous place and life always ends deadly.
“Memento mori”

Living in western society we have been fairly sheltered from many of the dangers and cruelties of the world around us. But throughout the pandemic and in light of recent events, there is a collective anxiety growing among us. This is the inevitable impact of any war and/or event of mass violence.

Feelings of anxiety, panic, and fear creep into our lives, into our thoughts and into our souls. We’re looking at these events unfolding, in shock and helpless, unable to “do something about it.” Humans watching other humans in pain, violence, and death breeds an enormous amount of fear and reaction within us.

Real threats to the peace and freedoms that many of us take for granted in the west are becoming more and more commonplace as we’re watching, transfixed, seeing the world as we know it, fall apart.

Is it not normal to be afraid in a situation like this?
Afraid for your loved ones, for your future, for your country?

Fear is a natural reaction to a situation like the one we’re witnessing right now. But we need to be very careful not to be consumed by it.

“Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.“ – Frank Herbert, Dune

Yes, fear as a reaction is natural – but at what cost?

Fear can render you unable to think clearly. It has the power to dampen your inner fire, and rob you of your passion and purpose.

Uncontrolled fear can completely imprison you.

To continue to function in times of inner and outer crisis you need to stay connected with your inner self. Preserving a strong foundation within yourself is essential. You NEED your inner fire, your passion to stay in control and to claim your power over your own life. This is survival.

In fearful times, your self-esteem is your armor, your protection. It keeps you in control and able to stay aware of your surroundings while NOT being consumed by them.

A person with healthy self-esteem has an appropriate understanding of life. To the challenges life throws at them. The unpredictable and the dangerous.
Are they afraid? Yes. But they are prepared to keep moving forward, past their fears. They can navigate through the challenges of life without being controlled by the panic of anxiety or by the darkness of depression.

Breaking the habit of fear and anxiety is complicated, and many people cannot do it without a mentor or a strong support system.

I’ve personally been down this road in my life many times, consumed by darkness, losing control of my life to fear and anxiety. 

I’ve lost relationships, friends, money, career positions, everything. I’ve seen war and destruction. And I was able to pull myself through, continually growing stronger than before. Each loss was a lesson. And if I could do it, you can absolutely do it.

Sometimes the only way out of a situation is through it.

Many of us just need some guidance and the right tools to help us overpower the real life enemy of inner fear and anxiety. If you are ready for this journey, I can help.

Let’s work together.
Contact me at [email protected] with the subject line: FEEL DIFFERENT

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Keeping Your Relationship Strong Through The Pandemic

The first thing to suffer during a pandemic, besides your health, is your close relationships – particularly, your romantic relationship.

While the outside world shuts down, it’s easy for us to slip into destructive patterns and habits as a means to cope and comfort ourselves. Combine this with being cooped up together with your significant other in a single home or apartment with nowhere to go, increased feelings of claustrophobia, crowdedness, and anxious panic can become overbearing. Given the circumstances, this is unfortunately quite common.

So what can you do to keep your relationship healthy and strong through the pandemic?

The foundation for a healthy and happy relationship is self-esteem. Strong men and strong women form strong relationships.

Your mental health, and by extension your self-esteem, will be one of the first things that are challenged during a pandemic.

The feeling of being “stuck” at home, frustrated by the limiting circumstances, restrictive rules and the uncertainty of it all, our inner strengths and core selves are bound to be out of balance unless we maintain a grounded foundation of self-esteem and focused perspective.

Patterns directed to the outside world as well as directed to your inner world, meaning your thoughts and feelings and/or your actions towards your partner, should be as clear and intentional as possible.

It’s easy to act out your frustration on your partner. Getting angry with him or her over insignificant differences or projections, can turn into a damaging pattern if you do not recognize and put it to a stop.

Pent up anger and negative feelings can explode into destructive fights and arguments that can cause long term harm to your relationship if you are not careful. It is in these situations of extreme discomfort and challenge that our relationships are tested the most.

One important practice to keep constant in your relationship during a pandemic is to concentrate – not on your partner or your relationship itself – but on your mental health and your self-esteem.

If you’re feeling anxious or depressed, occupied with worries, fears and negative thoughts, you won’t be able to support your partner through these hard times. You cannot put the burden of your struggles wholly on your partner, as your partner is likely struggling as well.

It is best to keep a regular exercise of self-reflection and inner diagnosis at signs of frustration, anger and discomfort. If you feel any of the above starting to occur, it is best to step back and look inward to find the root of what is happening inside. In many cases, we project our frustrations onto our partners because we are ill equipped to take the responsibility of working through the pain of the moment, so it manifests into an argument or a bickering match of little to no significance. These types of occurrences tend to continue to happen until we do the work of looking inward and dissecting our issue(s) rather than reacting.

Learning how to overcome your mental struggles and manage your own mental health is responsible and empowering. It allows you and your partner to lead a strong and bonding relationship through the pandemic, as well as through other challenging circumstances. The ability to stand together and support each other as a couple is a powerful force to continually nurture and maintain.

As they say, relationships are work, but when they do work and they are healthy and strong, outside circumstances stand little to no chance of harming them through even the toughest battles.

This pandemic has been a challenging battle to say the least. Many couples have broken apart, and divorce rates have increased significantly. Depression, anxiety, insecurity and panic have all been commonplace since the pandemic began and they continue to increase. Your relationship is being thoroughly tested and is at stake of bonding or breaking. This is where you and your partner need each other most.

To support and strengthen each other and your relationship requires a great deal of self-strength, self-support and self-management.

There are many practical ways you can start managing your mental health and nurturing your inner strength, your passion and your purpose that will lead you and your partner through this pandemic.

Part of my e-book “Lose Your Story, Live Your Life” is instilling basic principles and actionable practices to help you guide through this.

Get your free copy now by clicking here.

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The Vaccine vs. Individual Power

Do you sometimes feel like many common sense things that should be considered “normal” are now deemed abnormal in our society?

You’re not alone.

It is very normal to be mindfully concerned about your health. To be inquisitive, to research and discuss remedies, drugs, and vaccines before deciding what is best for you and your body – this is completely normal. It is, after all, YOUR body and YOUR health.

So why has this become so controversial?

Enter the Covid-19 vaccine debate.

Through our current times of constant questioning about what’s real information vs. disinformation vs. misinformation, many shared opinions are at risk of being considered to be dangerously controversial. Pertaining to the Covid-19 vaccine, any shared opinions and studies that question, or are not in full agreement with the mainstream ‘pro-vaccine’ narrative, are subject to censorship, and the person/people sharing may very possibly find themselves “canceled”, leaving zero room for debate or review.

This climate of aggressive groupthink and collective virtue signaling from those who have chosen to get vaxxed vs. those who haven’t, has created more of a peer-pressure pro-judgment culture than an informative one which has been pitting people against each other and keeping us divided. Some people withdraw into silence and self-censorship to avoid potential confrontation.

In some extreme cases, people are forced to make life pressuring decisions, i.e. get the vaccine or lose your job/career, lose the right to see your child, lose the right to visit family, lose friendships, and beyond.

And we’re all left wondering: what’s going to happen next?

What regulations will be enforced tomorrow?

If I’ve chosen not to get the vaccine, how long until I’m forced to make a life pressuring decision like the rest?

Where can I go? What will I do?

This pressure continues to build with each passing week while many people are living in constant fear of losing what’s dear to them.

The constant state of panic and uncertainty can very easily develop into serious anxiety and depression. The feeling of helplessness in a situation that is seemingly out of our control.

To evade this breadth of fear, you need an almost unshakable inner strength. You need to leverage your inner fire and passion as your power to fight it. Otherwise, you are subject to fall into a sea of deep desperation and complete fear.

These times we’re living in are not easy. There’s mass confusion and a plethora of information at our fingertips which is constantly changing. All the while, the social stigmas and political pressures of the pro-vaccine agenda are increasingly crowding over “normal” healthy people who are doing the work to think critically for themselves and their bodies.

However, this does not mean it is impossible for you to continue to live your life and thrive, regardless of these external pressures.

It can be done but it requires work. Deep inner work for many of us, a regimented practice. It requires you to be at one with your individual power, the power that’s in all of us. That inner spark, that inner strength that is fueled by self-purpose – this is your power. Once you have grounded yourself in this power, anything going on externally is secondary at best, and nothing is out of your manageability. All is within your control.

Are you ready to do the work? Contact us today to get started at [email protected]