Tag: mental health

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Undoing the Negativity Bias

game-over, netagivity

Have you ever wondered, why is it so much easier for us to dwell in our sorrows, fears, and doubts, while shunning and downplaying anything positive?

WHY ARE WE DRAWN INTO AND SO EASILY ATTACHED TO THE NEGATIVE?

It seems like each and every negative experience in our life is branded into our memory but the positive things slip away into the forgotten. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

The human mechanism at play here is called “negativity bias” and is something that is absolutely and unfortunately normal.

Some researchers from evolutionary psychology think our negativity bias is a remnant of times when it was critical to assume the worst of a situation for our survival. In early human history, the one who acted like there was a saber-toothed tiger behind every corner was more likely to survive than the one who did not. But we’ve long outlived saber-toothed tigers and most other dangerous predators of the wild. So why can’t we rid ourselves of this survivalist habit of old time thinking?

THE FIRST STEP TOWARD DEALING WITH YOUR NEGATIVITY BIAS IS AWARENESS.

As long as you’re unaware of this default pattern of thinking and feeling, it will continue to work subconsciously with no chance of you countering it.

“Your brain is like Velcro for negative experiences but Teflon for positive ones.” Rick Hanson

This leads us to holding onto negative things, continuing to feed them and blow them up to the point of being amplified, and usually exaggerated, in our memory.

WHAT IF YOU DID THIS EXACT THING BUT WITH POSITIVE THOUGHTS AND EXPERIENCES?

Seems simple and logical but it’s certainly not as natural or common. When you counteract the negativity bias by actively and intentionally embracing positive experiences and committing them to your memory, this rewires your brain to focus on the positive instead of the negative. I’m not talking about just “thinking positive” but about something much more effective and deeper. Something I call “taking in the good.”

Positive thinking is like forcing yourself to be positive, turning a blind eye to the negative and suppressing it as a form of denial. I’m not asking you to do that. I’m asking you to accept your natural tendency towards the negative but balancing it through an active practice of taking in good feelings. Whenever you have a positive experience, big or small, consciously give gratitude to it and lock it into your memory.

Allow yourself to feel the positive, bask in it, and embrace it as part of you and your life experience.

IT TAKES PRACTICE. MAKE IT A HABIT.

To escape the constant draw of the negative, you need more than some nice affirmations or motivational sprints. You need an overarching vision, something that will help you through times when you’re truly struggling and can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

In order to rewire your negative bias, it requires conscious and healthy habits to replace the negative and destructive ones that continue to hinder you.

A series of daily positive habits eventually enable you to create space for yourself that’ll give way to your life’s purpose. This is crucial to you overcoming your negativity bias and to start living a fulfilled experience as you were meant to. As we are all meant to.

In our new program you’ll learn about this concept and how it is connected to your inner critic. To start living your life toward your potential, you need to learn how to deal with both. They are a part of you and always will be and the longer you allow them to live unchecked, they will continue to limit your life experience.

But with the appropriate tools, they can be managed.

In our program “Your Fate is NOT sealed”, we provide these tools in a way that’s easy to comprehend and can be applied to your daily life to bring real change.

To learn more, please fill out this quick survey to be sure our new program is a good fit for you.

Warmly,
Orlando Owen

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Exposing Your Pathological Inner Critic

As you navigate through life, there is a common obstacle we all share. It’s an antagonistic part of ourselves which can easily be mistaken as an inner guide and protector from harm. An inside assistant to help us avoid pain, prevent humiliation and to help motivate us.

But its methods and intentions are quite the opposite. This inside voice is actually a hindrance and only serves to limit our life experiences through fear and disempowerment.

Psychology calls this part of yourself your pathological inner critic.

As long as you don’t know how to deal with its destructive nature and how to turn it from your worst enemy into a level-headed friend and advisor, you’ll never find true fulfillment.

WHAT DOES YOUR PATHOLOGICAL INNER CRITIC DO?

It commonly blames you for everything and anything that goes wrong in your life. It compares you to others, their achievements and abilities and will always leave you wanting and yearning for what you don’t have. It sets unrealistic standards and baseless perfectionism, and will continually encourage you to beat yourself up for even the smallest mistakes.

Your pathological inner critic keeps track of all your failures and reminds you of them at any chance it gets. This happens most often when you’re thinking of taking on something new, for example, an opportunity to try and improve yourself. Your pathological inner critic will take this moment to discourage you by keeping you insecure and low. It’ll work its way into triggering you with dark thoughts and feelings of you being inadequate, unfit, incompetent, incapable, ugly, selfish, dumb, weak, etc. And the list goes on.

In addition, your pathological inner critic is an accomplished mind reader and know-it-all. It’ll have you convinced that it knows what your friends, family, lover, colleagues, and even strangers think about you. Once again making you feel inferior, unworthy, unwanted and unloved.

YOUR PATHOLOGICAL INNER CRITIC IS ALWAYS UNDERMINING YOUR SELF WORTH.

For something this commonly domineering and destructive, you’d think it’d be a known crisis among the majority of us.

But the fact is, many people are completely unaware of their pathological inner critic. It is so insidious and woven into the fabric of our thoughts and inner being, many of us are oblivious to it and live in our suffering as if it’s all just a part of life. To a degree, it’s true, it is part of life and is a part of all of us. It’s a part of our subconscious that lives in our weaknesses, in our darker energies, in our lower, subpar selves. It is all still part of us, but our will to accept it and settle for continual suffering is a choice.

And where we have a choice is how we choose to manage it. This is a lot easier said than done.

The self-attacks typically have some underlying truth and justifiable reasoning to them. Just like certain fears we learn come from an underlying wisdom. We learn at a young age not to jump in fire so as to not get burned, for instance.

But your pathological inner critic is persuasive and persistent. It will make you believe that it’s there to protect you. To keep you safe from harm, from getting hurt, or from making a fool of yourself. In truth, and in the long run, adhering to your inner critic will only turn you into the very things you fear. Fear will become you and your basis for life. This is extremely dangerous and limiting to living a quality life experience.

If you want to start living on your own terms, you need to start working toward dismantling the amount of control you allow your inner critic to reign over your mind and spirit. The first and most important step in exposing your inner critic is to become aware of it.

CATCH YOUR INNER CRITIC IN ACTION.

It is most active when you’re facing challenges. When you make a mistake, when you’re being criticized, when dealing with people who are disapproving, when you’re feeling depressed or when you are just simply out of balance with yourself.

Become aware how you feel in these situations. Especially how you feel about yourself. Then carefully listen to how you’re talking to yourself in these situations, or immediately after.

What are you saying to yourself? Most likely it is your pathological inner critic talking.

Remember, its goals are to fulfill basic, primal needs of yours. Either to avoid pain or to motivate you.

But its methods are counterproductive and are far from supportive.

Stop the downward spiral.
Stop your thoughts from spiraling further down by controlling your inner dialog.

To unmask your inner critic, you need to drain it of its purpose and learn to fulfill your own needs in a conscious and intentional way. This requires building healthy self-esteem, as this is your foundation.

And this will allow you to develop a principle vision for your life to function as your motivation, and to drive you through purpose rather than through fear and doubt. This is all fundamental to self-empowerment and to living a life of fulfillment and true potential.

How long can you keep listening to this inside voice as if it’s your truth?

All the while, it continues to rob you of any happiness and peace of mind you can only hope to attain.

How much of your life have you lost to your inner critic so far?
How much more can you withstand?

To learn more about how to start overcoming your pathological inner critic, take a look at our program “Your Fate is NOT sealed”.

Warmly,
Orlando Owen

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Precision > Perfection

Is there a difference between perfection and precision?
And if so, does it matter?

The thing about perfection is that it can’t be reached. Perfection allows no flexibility, no room for experimentation, no space to grow or learn as you go. It’s a very black and white philosophy – all or nothing.

SO WHY IS IT SO COMMON IN OUR CULTURE TO REACH FOR THE UNATTAINABLE? AND HOW DOES THIS AFFECT OUR INNER-BEING?

While some may say it’s good motivation to set high expectations and “reach for the stars,” perfectionism is most typically a downfall. It’s one of the biggest brainwashed conditions we are taught to believe from an early age that can carry on through adulthood and lead many of us to continual self defeat and endless disappointment in ourselves and others.

WHAT IS PERFECTIONISM IN REAL EVERYDAY LIFE?

Perfectionism is more of a philosophy than anything. Because it’s unattainable and completely subjective, it’s often strived for in a competitive state. The perfectionist mindset can come from early childhood, typically from the parent who wants nothing more than their beloved child to be the greatest living being this world has ever known. Though it may come from good intentions, the effects are rarely positive.

When carried on through adulthood, perfectionism can often be seen as you attempting to overcompensate for your perceived deficiencies. Disguising this as competitive or somehow superior to others, is more often your pathological inner critic trying to “motivate” you to be the “best” while holding you to impossible standards. It stems from a fear of never being good enough, pushing to prove the opposite to yourself and to others.

In this case, the ultimate root of perfectionism is low self-esteem. It’s from you feeling inappropriate to life, feeling less than average, and unqualified. You might also find perfectionism as one of the key ways imposter syndrome manifests itself into your life.

Even if you do not identify as a full on perfectionist, many people still have this tendency to some degree. It can be in the habit of beating yourself up when you feel you’re falling short of your goals. Or if you’re the type who is routinely striving for unbelievably high expectations, ultimately setting yourself up for failure.

WHAT CAN YOU DO ABOUT PERFECTIONISM AND HOW DO YOU CHANGE THIS TO A MORE REALISTIC APPROACH TO LIFE? 

While perfection is not achievable, precision is.

Precision means doing whatever you’re doing to the best of your ability with the tools and resources available. Doing the best job possible – for you at this exact moment.

Contrary to perfection, precision allows for mistakes. It factors in the human element and gives space for this, remembering we’re not machines. It factors in who you are with your flaws, your faults, weaknesses and shortcomings.

Being precise in what you do means giving your energy to the quality and focus of your work, while being attentive. Most importantly, precision is achievable. And it might look different for everyone.

Rather than trying to be perfect or do things perfectly, try to focus on doing things as well as you can, to your potential and to your best ability.

Become aware of when you’re falling prey to your perfectionistic tendencies and pause to reflect. Ask yourself if your goals and expectations are realistic and within what you’re capable of attaining.

This is the easiest way to monitor yourself and stop the habit of catering to your inner perfectionist and to ultimately overcome these tendencies.

If you’d like to learn more about this topic, check out our program “Your Fate is NOT sealed”.

Please feel free to reach out and contact me with any questions.

Warmly,
Orlando Owen

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The challenge of self-acceptance

Do you ever feel like you don’t fit in? Or, like you aren’t dealing with situations the way a “normal” person should? No matter the circumstance, does it always feel like something is wrong with you?

Let’s take a step back and zoom out for a moment.

In reality, we all struggle with different challenges throughout our lives. Some more, some less. And the experience of beating ourselves up from time to time happens to the best of us.

IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE DAMAGED.

It’s more than likely that your current issues are temporary, they’ll pass in time,  and most importantly, you have the power to change them.

But to do so, you first need to accept, rather than resist. Resistance is where the pain and struggle is. It naturally and unconsciously complicates any situation, big or small. Accepting your current state and whatever your situation is right now is your first step forward. This will help you put things in perspective so you can more clearly see the situation for what it is, start to work through it and soon enough – resolve it.

In short, this is the power of self-acceptance.

IT’S THE KEY TO INITIATE CHANGE IN JUST ABOUT ANY DIFFICULT SITUATION.

The problem is, many people are unwilling or unable to look at their lives honestly. The idea of observing life from the outside and dissecting their issues that way is completely foreign, or just too painful.

In many cases like this, the person is afraid of what they may find if they dig deep enough in their self-reflection. This may deviate from an image they’re trying to uphold, it may conflict with some of their embedded beliefs or traditional ways of thinking, it may even affect some of their real life choices that they might be attached to – ie. relationships, friends, job, etc. It may just be too much to deal with, and easier to just keep going with the way things are. This is just life. Right?

Sure, it is life. And things can remain. But at what cost?

The longer you deny your truth, your self-acceptance, the longer and harder you’ll be conflicting with yourself and any adverse situation that arises. The energy that you could invest into confronting and, in turn, resolving your issues is instead, exhausting itself in a constant battle against your reality. You vs. you.

“But it should not be like this.”

“I should have gotten xyz.”

“He or she should have…”

All the should have, could have, would have of life will haunt you forever if you let it. This does nothing but prevent you from connecting to your inner-self, from accessing your own individual power. This is where your true value lives, in your self-esteem.

The self-avoidance and run around of blaming others sucks up all your energy. And what you resist, persists! This is why, when you do not recognize and resolve a problematic pattern in your life, it continues to return in various ways until you do. That’s, if you do. And if you don’t, it only worsens to the point of permanence which is the breeding ground for much deeper issues.

WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR US TO ACCEPT OURSELVES?

Many people confuse self-acceptance as meaning to be content with life as it is currently. As if it is a way of just saying yes to all of your flaws and to stop trying to improve yourself and striving for a better life.

This is not what self-acceptance is.

Self-acceptance is actually the first step on your journey to building healthy self-esteem and connecting to your own internal and individual power. It’s the beginning of you creating the life you want to live.

Self-acceptance is like pinpointing your location on a map. Looking at what is right now and taking stock of all that is there and your surroundings. Only when knowing where you are on the map can you start planning your next steps to your desired destination.

The same is true for any journey of self-empowerment. You need to be aware of where you are to get to where you want to be. You don’t have to love the spot you’re currently in, but for as long as you’re unwilling to accept it as a step in your journey forward, the efforts to change will be much more challenging.

Self-acceptance means accepting yourself the way you are right now. With all your flaws and issues. With all the things you want to fix, including your desire to become a better person and to continue to change your life for the better.

When practicing self-acceptance, you can begin by saying: “I accept myself with all my flaws and faults. Including my desire to overcome them.”

Remember: this moment you’re living right now is just a snapshot of your life. It’s one moment in time. It is not fixed and your acceptance of it does not make it permanent. It only shows you where you are on the map of your life so you can charter the course to your ideal destination.

If you want to learn more about this and how we help with the fundamental practices of self-acceptance, visit our program “Your Fate is NOT sealed” here. Fill out a brief questionnaire to see if it’s the right fit for you.

If you have any questions or thoughts on this, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me at [email protected]

Warmly,
Orlando Owen

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With or without self-esteem?

Have you ever felt inadequate? Unfit to fill a position at work?
Unable to accept compliments and praise?

Are you selling yourself short? Trying to justify everything you do? Do you feel like you need to put on an act in order to be accepted?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are you’re struggling with low self-esteem.

Why should this concern you?

YOUR SELF-ESTEEM IS YOUR LIFE’S FOUNDATION.

It determines how you perceive and think about yourself. It dictates what you’re feeling, what you’re capable of, and what and who you’re able to attract in your life.

SELF-ESTEEM IS NOT EVERYTHING, BUT WITHOUT IT, EVERYTHING IS NOTHING.

Over the years I’ve encountered the opinion that self-esteem is a bad thing.

That people with high self-esteem are full of themselves, arrogant, often narcissists, and that some people may just have too much self-esteem. Really?

No. There is no such thing as too much self-esteem. Not the way we define self-esteem at FEEL DIFFERENT, and not by its true definition – confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect. In most cases, this opinion is coming from those who are foreign to self-esteem. Who deem it as “fake” behavior because “no one can be that sure of themselves.”

Cockiness and arrogance, on the other hand, are typical tactics to distract and divert the attention from one who may be feeling inferior. A behavior that may also stem from trying to compensate for one’s lack of a certain quality, or a response to intimidation. All are clear symptoms of low self-esteem.

SO WHY SHOULD YOU CARE ABOUT SELF-ESTEEM?

Because self-esteem is power. Literally.

As long as you don’t have it, or very little of it, your life can be a tragic mess.

A seemingly endless series of hopeless situations that you cannot escape. This can come with sabotaging yourself, your relationships and your potential for success on every level. And most of it unconsciously.

Working on your self-esteem means quite simply, working on yourself – as a whole. It’s your foundation.

It’s the beginning of you taking control of your life, your vision of your future, your relationships and your successes. It is self-empowerment at the highest level.

Because your self-esteem lays the groundwork for you living your purpose, passion, and power in life, it is the basis for your self-value, self-respect, confidence and self-trust needed for you to truly experience your life as you were meant to.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, IT IS ROOTED IN YOU. YOUR SELF.

It is not based on how others see you, what they think about you or how much anyone may deem you to be worth. It is how much you accept yourself, how much you believe you are worth. And by that definition, you are the one in control. The sole creator of your fate and future self.

Self-esteem is the immune system of your soul, as Nathaniel Branden says.

If you develop a healthy self-esteem, others opinions, words and actions won’t affect how you feel about yourself. You’ll be able to navigate your life and your decisions with surety and confidence and face anything life throws your way.

Self-esteem is a decision. You don’t have to be at the mercy of your emotions and fears. You have a choice about how you feel.

Unfortunately, many people feel like they don’t have a choice. Like they’ve just been dealt a bad hand in life. They’re not one of the “lucky” ones who just seem to win at life effortlessly. You may know this person, it might even be you.

You may have looked for help, taken advice from “experts,” read best selling self-help books, tried coaching, motivational training, therapy, and in the end nothing stuck. At least not long enough to experience any real life changes.

The reason is simply that those methods ignore the most important factor in the equation: your self-esteem.

And while psychology in particular is great for diagnosing your issue, the practices used are unable to help you build real self-esteem and empower you to start leading the life you know you could be living.

It is adamant you understand the crucial role of your self-esteem for your life and start building a new relationship with yourself.

At FEEL DIFFERENT, we have tested and proven methods to help you achieve a healthy relationship with yourself. This starts with you building your self-esteem and becoming confident in living your own life as your true self.

If this speaks to you, please feel free to fill out this brief survey to see if our program “Your Fate is NOT sealed” is a fit for you.

Don’t hesitate to reach out with any questions or comments. I’m happy to help.

Yours truly,

Orlando Owen

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Breaking the control of the controlling type

Controlling types are common in our society. They’re also a dynamic type as behaviors can range from harmless nitpicking perfectionists to narcissistic know-it-alls to domineering bullies to outright abusers.

With toxic men and women becoming an everyday topic in our culture, there are many controlling types that fall into this category and it is important that we do our best to spot them, understand the causes and learn how we can protect ourselves from any potential issues.

Because of the wide range of severity between controlling types, the cause for such behavior can range in depth as well, but there are some general roots.

THERE IS OFTEN A ROOT OF ANXIETY, DISTRUST AND FEAR OF LOSING

Losing can refer to an opportunity, a career advancement, or a relationship, among various other things.
In the controller’s mind, they can’t afford to allow anyone else to lead the way because that person could very well mess it up and fail completely. This is where the constant control and related behavior tends to stem from in many cases. Controlling types are rarely good team players as they have deep trust issues.

This is where much of the domineering type of controller comes into play. The cliche “mean boss” personality who uses their proclaimed authority to intimidate and control by fear. This can also be seen in unhealthy relationships where one of the partners is domineering and controlling. From the outside, it is clear that this is the behavior of a weak person. A person with low self-esteem, and with little trust in themselves or their abilities so they put the other person down to compensate for their lack of self-value and confidence. It can be someone who sees other people as a threat and is in constant competition with themself and others. Trying to convince themself that they are the dominant one in the room. This person is acting out of fear, insecurity, and often envy.

WHAT CAN YOU DO IF YOU’RE AT THE RECEIVING END OF THIS TYPE OF BEHAVIOR?

As one fundamental rule of life goes, we attract what we are. And this isn’t always directly clear, conscious or literal. But it is an absolute rule of life. And it usually means we’ve got work to do. When you look at your life and see certain negative patterns, it is your inner wisdom telling you that you’ve got to confront the situation and solve it so as to not continue repeating it.

For you, even if you don’t have a domineering bone in your body or any obsessions with control, it can very well mean you’re on the other side of this type of relationship which is something you need to be mindful of and start working through as soon as possible to avoid letting it continue.

If you have a toxic person in your life and you let them treat you as such, it can be assumed that you have invited that behavior into your life one way or another. This could mean you have an issue with standing up for yourself, for not speaking up when you see something wrong, or not leaving a situation when it has become detrimental to you.

At its core, this purely stems from low self-esteem. To free yourself of the situation, you need to strengthen yourself with real courage and confidence to do so. Directly confronting the situation and speaking up for yourself is taking back the power the other person seems to have over you.

This is challenging and can be extremely uncomfortable but it’s mandatory in drawing the line between yourself and the situation. SET BOUNDARIES.

The first and most important step is to take a deep look inward and ask – am I truly valuing myself? Am I living as my best self right now? Does this person really respect me?

If the answer is no or if there is any uncertainty around these questions, you need to urgently check yourself and understand that, though you may be hurting or confused, there is a way out. And the sooner you confront it, the sooner you’ll be free.

Your self-esteem is your empowerment. This is the grounding of your confidence and will enable you to power through this situation and take control over your life.

Our mission and our work at FEEL DIFFERENT is to help you regain your confidence and reclaim your life. To live as your best, truest self. To ignite your passion, live with purpose and become one with your individual power.

To learn more, visit our programs page and fill out a quick assessment to explore which of our programs will be best for you

Respectfully,
Orlando Owen

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Self-esteem > Confidence

Have you ever looked at someone and thought, “I wish I could be as confident as this person is in that situation?”

Trying to muster up the strength to be as self assured as the other person, finding the right things to say at the right time, all the while struggling with your inner fears and doubts?

CONFIDENCE IS A QUALITY THAT IS CRUCIAL THROUGHOUT LIFE AND ALL OF ITS CHALLENGES.

When we live confidently, we hardly think about this. But as soon as you’re faced with a lack of it, the sunken feeling of smallness can be painfully undeniable. 

The question is, how you can become confident in such a way that allows you to be sure of yourself in any situation?

Right now, you might feel confident in some areas of your life. Or you may feel confident to just a certain degree. But when faced with a challenge, would you remain as confident as you are now? Would you be sure, and trusting in yourself and your abilities?

This kind of confidence is much more than a mere facade you put on for colleagues, friends or family.

TRUE CONFIDENCE IS ROOTED IN HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM.

It is not the pumped up bravado of “I can conquer the world” type of confidence, but rather a quiet knowing and inner trust that you can handle anything life brings your way. A still and steady calmness that helps you navigate through all kinds of waves and obstacles in your life.

You can have low self-esteem and still be confident on some level. But this confidence is little more than a mask that is likely to fail when tested. Low self-esteem will always undermine your confidence. It will make you doubt yourself. It breeds feelings of unworthiness and lives in your deepest fears and anxieties, bringing them to light at the worst possible moments.

For you to be truly confident and self-assured, you need to nurture a healthy self-esteem.

YOUR SELF-ESTEEM IS THE FOUNDATION FOR YOUR CONFIDENCE.

It influences your individuality and behavior on a fundamental level and in every area of your life. From your relationships to business decisions, to your family and friends. A healthy self-esteem is knowing your true value, your self-worth, and holding yourself in high regard no matter what circumstance of life you may be experiencing. This is paramount for your confidence and for you to start completely trusting yourself.

Never underestimate this connection. Confidence can be like a fair weather friend. It’s right there with you when all is great and you’re feeling good about your life but quickly disappears when any challenges arise.

To build real confidence, you must be grounded in self-esteem. To know your strengths as well as your weaknesses and to accept all of it as parts of you, is to truly know yourself. To truly accept and respect yourself, no matter the circumstance. This is healthy self-esteem. And this is where real confidence lives.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE?

To learn more, please check out our program page and fill out a brief assessment to find which of our programs is best for you.

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Why men must earn their existence

Man’s place in the world is that of a potential leader. A provider and a contributor to society. He must earn his place in society. He must carve out a path and create a life for himself and his family. Women and children do not face this same circumstantial pressure for their existence which makes men unique in this way. Without his proven ability, a man is viewed as subpar, inadequate, “under construction” – in other words, not yet a man.

The root of man’s ability to step into his life’s purpose is his inherent power, his masculinity.

BUT MASCULINITY DOESN’T HAPPEN ON ITS OWN

For a boy to become a man, a significant transition needs to happen. An intentional event, or ritual, needs to take place that initiates the boy into manhood. At least this is how it’s supposed to happen and has happened in traditions across the world since the beginning of time.

Unfortunately, this has become lost in American culture for decades. We can look to the military or college as a few basic comparisons but neither can even remotely substitute for the intentional rites of passage for boys to become men.

TO LEAD AND PROVIDE FOR OTHERS, A MAN MUST EARN THEIR TRUST AND RESPECT.

As a man, in order to lead, you must be able to prove yourself and prove your strength and abilities.
This is an innate part of being a man and is directly connected to your masculinity.
This is what individualizes you and grants you the ability to become a proven leader and provider for your community and/or family. This is what being a man is.

Only a boy would expect to be respected and trusted as a “man” without first proving himself as such. Without contributing something to society. Without providing any service to the world around him. This is the state we are currently in with excessive public exposure and means to express ourselves, we are seeing a large amount of self-entitled and self-absorbed boys speaking out their delusions of expectancy regularly. This is what our high schools, colleges and universities are now breeding.

Self-entitled boys are becoming the established norm and it’s a wake up call to reclaim what we collectively identify as men and masculinity. Otherwise, we risk extinguishing masculinity as we know it and settling for subpar boys to take the place of our men which equates to zero leadership, zero progress, and a complete devolution that we have yet to experience.

WE NEED REAL MEN, NOW MORE THAN EVER.

As a man, it is imperative for you to claim your calling, your life’s purpose.
To create your way and to contribute to the world. This is the way it’s always been and must be in order for us to keep progressing forward. Steel sharpens steel and strong men create strong communities and families. The masculine is the force that drives change and movement throughout even the most challenging times. To deny this call would be to deny yourself as well as the world around you.

THIS IS THE ROOT OF ALL MAN’S GREATNESS.

To step into your power as a man, you need to embrace your masculinity and the responsibility that comes with it. This is essential for you to find and claim your place in society, and to become truly comfortable in your skin as a man. This is what grants men respect from their peers, from men and women alike, and separates great men from the mediocre.

Any relationship struggles or feelings of emptiness or stagnance can be directly rooted in this lack of purpose. This disconnect between men and their inherent masculine power.

There is no quick fix or automatic amount of respect or love given to a man just because he is who he is. No man is given anything in this life. He must earn it.

EACH OF US HAS A PURPOSE AND A MISSION TO ACCOMPLISH WHILE WE’RE HERE.
HAVE YOU FOUND YOURS?

Visit our Masculine Program today and fill out a brief assessment to see if it’s a good fit for you.

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Emotional Resilience is Survival

Do you sometimes feel like everything is just too much?
Like the walls are closing in on the cusp of crushing you relentlessly?
No matter how hard you try, you seem to just barely be getting by with little to no progress in your life?
The world has changed drastically over the last few years. Life has become ever challenging and we’re asking ourselves how we will get through it all.

No matter how overwhelming things look on the outside, what matters most is how you think, and how you handle your emotions.

All actions are dictated by your thoughts and your thoughts are what influence how you feel. And how you feel influences your thoughts. It’s cyclical.

Many people don’t get this connection but it’s especially important to be mindful of this in times of deep stress. The need to keep your mental and emotional health in check is most crucial during these moments. A focused mind and relaxed nervous system are fundamental to enable yourself to think clearly and act accordingly without being reactive to whatever the situation may be.

DURING THIS TIME OF COLLECTIVE STRESS, THE NEED TO DEVELOP EMOTIONAL RESILIENCE IS SURVIVAL.

When we allow ourselves to panic or live in a victim state, constantly tormented by fears and uncertainties, the ability to make clear decisions is disabled. This can be stunting to individual growth. People who may be relying on you will pick up on this as well. However, if you learn to overcome your fear and uncertainty, and keep yourself calm and collected, you keep yourself in a state of clarity which is key to leading your own life as well as helping others as they will pick up on this too which will allow them to feel relaxed and at ease.

IT’S NOT ABOUT RUNNING FROM YOUR EMOTIONS OR DISALLOWING YOURSELF TO FEEL.

Quite the opposite. It’s important to be present with what’s going on inside of you and to actually feel without judgement, without harsh reaction or criticism, and without allowing yourself to become overwhelmed.

To be able to handle negative and stressful emotions without suppressing them or being controlled by them is a deep strength that can take a lifetime for some of us to learn, if at all. Without it, it can be crippling and can hinder personal development. People who allow their emotions to control them without making conscious effort to learn otherwise, often become fragile, stuck in a feeling of helplessness, living as permanent “victims” of life and the world around them. Many people like this spend a lot of time complaining, beating themselves up over menial and unimportant things, blame others for their shortcomings, or simply fall into a state of apathy.

On the other hand, those who learn to live mindfully, to be aware of their emotions but not controlled by them, tend to live much more at peace with themselves and the lives they lead. It’s an essential leadership quality to be able to master your emotions and your mind, rather than letting yourself fall victim to circumstance. Life will always bring challenges your way. The sooner you can learn to accept this and develop the ability to stand through these challenges, the better quality of life you will live. Period.

This is a core concept we teach at FEEL DIFFERENT.

To be confident in life, you need to be confident with yourself and able to navigate through all kinds of emotional situations. Especially today, when fear, anxiety, self doubt, and uncertainty are more present than ever. How will you be able to navigate through your life if you’re constantly battling with yourself? How much more energy would you have if you allowed yourself the space to navigate through without worry?

This project is not called FEEL DIFFERENT for no reason.

We have created proven and clear processes to help deconstruct all of life’s common inner challenges to allow us to learn explore and live life from a different perspective.

To learn more, check out our self-empowerment through purpose program today.

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Life hacks for powering through any new skill

In learning any new skill, there is a real journey involved. A series of wins, fails, aha moments and pure humility. Even our most talented leaders across any field will share this. No matter the skill level, achievement and growth will take time, patience and consistent dedication. Whether you’re learning a new sport, physical training, or a new software, much of the journey requires a strong mindset. Even in the most rigorous physical training, the mind can be your best supporter or your downfall.

Learning a new skill can be exciting and eager to some, at the same time, daunting and crippling to others. It’s a matter of mindset and self management.

We’ve put together a few practical hacks to help you keep your mind strong and focused through learning any new skill.

BE REAL WITH WHERE YOU’RE AT

The first step in taking on any new skill is to level your mindset to accept that this is new – you’re not going to know everything from the start. You’re likely not going to be naturally gifted at it, you might actually be pretty bad – and that’s perfectly ok. To learn a new skill, you need to remember this and accept it, at least at the beginning, and stay open minded and open spirited to allow yourself to ease into it.

ELIMINATE COMPARISONS / ENCOURAGE COMPETITION

Constantly comparing yourself with other people will never help you grow. There’s a fine line between competing and comparing so be careful and aware of your actions in this area.

Comparison can be unproductive and self-defeating especially when you’re trying to grow at a new skill. Learning something new can be intimidating, especially in a class or any group setting where we tend to look to others as we learn. In this moment of comparison, you might find yourself feeling like you should be farther along in the process. Like you’re falling behind and should be able to keep up. 

The truth is, you are your own person and can only work from where you are right now, at your own speed and at your own conditions. You cannot rush or force yourself to learn quicker, this never works. You need to allow yourself the space to find your own pace at which you can grow. PATIENCE is key.

There will always be somebody better, faster, stronger and more experienced than you are. This is inevitable, so forget it – don’t even think about it. Comparison should be dismissed and replaced with constructive, friendly competition if anything. 

Competition, on the other hand, can be healthy in that it keeps us striving for better. It gives us goals and milestones to accomplish to keep us inspired and engaged to keep growing. It can also be a fun bonding experience to share with a friend or fellow teammate.

THE HEALTHIEST FORM OF COMPETITION IS COMPETING WITH YOURSELF – YOU VS. YOU.

Some of the most accomplished athletes, musicians, artists, leaders of all types note that they stay in competition with themselves. This means, you strive to be at your best and to outdo your former self, to be better than who you were yesterday, last week, last year, etc. Focusing on your own growth and achievements in this way is a great tool for measuring personal progress and keeping you on a continual path forward. It can help you navigate your personal journey with a clear perspective as to how far you’ve come along, what your next goals are, as well as allow yourself to celebrate any wins or milestones you have achieved thus far – this is important in keeping your morale up and to keep yourself engaged.

FOCUS ON YOUR STRENGTHS

Rather than focusing on all the ways you may be lacking – skill wise, ability wise – focus on what strengths you do have. Focus on what you’ve already accomplished. And if you are brand new, focus on the fact that you showed up and are there to learn something new. Many times this is the hardest part, going from the idea phase of something you’d like to try into actually taking the leap and showing up. You made it!

SELF-ACCEPTANCE

Self-acceptance is part of the practice in that you need to mentally be at peace with yourself throughout your journey in order to stay focused – ego aside. This is a strength that comes with focusing on your goals, controlling your mind rather than allowing your pride or emotions to control you. Challenges will come and go but your focus is your grounding point. It’s your inner strength that enables you to power through challenging moments rather than folding under pressure. Your focus and self-acceptance are both important in helping you to monitor your general level of skill so you can best assess what you need to work on most, what you have already learned and what to prepare for next. Placing unrealistic expectations that may be too high for where you are now is a bridge to self sabotage. Grass won’t grow faster because you’re pulling on it. On the contrary, you might uproot it and destroy any progress you’ve made by pressuring yourself too much which is counterproductive. Let yourself breathe and flow through the learning process.

SELF-EMPOWERMENT IS THE REWARD

Learning any new skill is always a step toward self-empowerment. It’s proof to yourself that you can achieve what you set out to do, no matter the size or the seriousness of it. This can be extremely valuable in building your self-esteem and confidence which is essential to living a fulfilled life.

A self-empowered individual, one who is self-aware and practices self-acceptance, allows themselves the time to grow at their own speed, consciously and confidently, without beating themselves up for any challenges or mistakes that come with the process. To achieve this level of maturity is a reward in itself in that, once reached, it can be applied to any aspect of your life.

To learn more about this, please check out our self-empowerment through purpose program or contact me directly for a consultation.

Respectfully,

Orlando Owen